FRAK.

FRAK. FRAK. FRAK.

Okay, so the week started off okay. I wrestled and wrestled with the decision to call Calgary quits and head home to go to school. I fought with myself about it, lost sleep over it, etc. Then I decided that was indeed the way to go. It seemed like it was a good move, I was already feeling a bit better about life in general. And then WHAM. Not a week later, my boss(es) received an offer to expand their business and they hinted at a raise and decent bonus if I stay on for a few more months. FRAK. I feel so defeated! I sweat and fight with this decision, go ahead and make it, and then it turns out to be null and void! GAH! Don't me wrong, I'll be going home regardless. But although the prospect of extra cash does seem quite alluring, I'm not really comfortable here and I'd rather be back home sooner than later to get settled for school. This totally ticks me off. What do I decide? I guess I'll cross the bridge when I get there - I haven't been given an official offer to stay. And even then, maybe it could only be a few more months. I don't want to get home in August and go to school in September. There's quite a few things to do inbetween now and then. Speaking of which, I really need to look at registering for school and deciding what to take. I'm thinking maybe two or three general courses. Something history, something graphic design, something marketing. Perhaps. I can't believe I still don't know what I want to do with myself.

And what else happened this week? Oh, I got a letter stating that I have 10 days to clear up my BC health debt before the government sends a collection agency to get me. And yes, that's the debt I settled a WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS. The letter was dated January 4th. I phoned and talked to a lady that confirmed that I indeed did not have anything owing on my account. Something about the "re-adjustments" happening "recently". Ok, no big deal. Then a day or two later, I get another letter. This one from Revenue Canada says they'll be taking money off my income tax returns if I don't settle before then. I'm apparently have this whole thing settled. I really, really hope that's the case.

Not such a fun week. I could use another two or three days off, I think.

Okay, so what kinda good news is on the horizon? BSG THIS WEEKEND! w000000t!
And after that? Heroes! Yaaaaaay!
And then there's The Office, which is also friggin' awesome.
I'm not that fond of Scrubs. I may or may not start watching Lost again.

Anything else...? I've had a bit of a sweet-tooth this week. So I bought 18 small "Buttermilk" doughnuts. And a 12-pack of root beer. And a pie. I guess I'm a bit of a glutton. But in my defense, the pie is for everyone at work. I plan on bringing it on the 24th (That's the most depressing day of the year, apparently).

And I browsed some art last night. For a few hours. I guess it inspired me to actually draw something.


More of a few sketches/doodles than anything else. I spent probably 2-3hrs between the lot of 'em. The face on the right looks like a man. I think it's something with the jaw or mouth that makes her look like a monkey or ape. I really like the style where you can see the individual strokes. I dunno why I did it in low contrast greys, but I guess it looks okay. The top left is my favourite. And they're all from reference, of course (What do you think I am? Talented or something?) But overall I'm kinda impressed with myself.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go chillout. I think I'll try some BF2142...
-Cril

It's really good to hear your voice
Saying my name, it sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I,
Never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Hinder - Lips of an Angel

So lazy...

I can't believe how incredibly unproductive I've been feeling these past few weeks. I dunno what it is, but I can't bring myself to do anything semi worthwhile.

Lemme start off with a quick recap of the week. I started (and finished) watching The Office over the past week. That is to say, I'm all caught up. What an addictive show, I had a hard time pulling away from it. I stayed up quite later on some nights, watching more than I should have. And that, of course, resulted in some weird dreams. Anyhoo, very good show. Excellently acted, and written perfectly. I love it.

In the gaming front, I haven't touched Company of Heroes in a week or so. No, I haven't finished the game. I dunno what it is, but... That game just doesn't really captivate me. Well, any game, really. Sure, I'll play them (to avoid drawing or reading or graphic designing, etc). But I know I'm not enjoying them as much as I used to. Every time I finish some gaming, I exit the program feeling incredibly unsatisfied. Maybe my tastes are turning away from gaming? Or is it maybe the general status of life and my mindset?

To get through the point, even though I played some good games and found a new, great show, I'm just left so unsatisfied. Gah. What is it that I want to do with myself for enjoyment? I can't figure it out. I guess I'm not all that happy with life at the moment.
/shrugs

One of those other games I've played has been Oblivion IV. As a person who generally likes to explore every corner and complete every mission, I think I'm turned off by the scale of things. Don't get me wrong - The game seems amazing. The sheer detail on such a huge scale is incredible. I understand the good reviews it's been getting. But knowing that I'd need to pump a rediculous amount of time into it to finish it all. It's just so... Open ended. Bah.

Anyhoo, this whole non-productive thing is going to cause issues this month. There's an incredible amount of stuff to be done at work. And I'm not sure how much of it I can actually do. What the hell do I know about marketing? How am I going to find a key demographic to target with a banner ad campaign? I thought I was the graphics guy. Tell me what the message is and where it appears, and maybe I can whip something up that looks pretty. I have no experience with marketing. I didn't take it at school. I am not qualified for any of this. Heck, all the graphic skills I know I've developed on my lonesome. I don't know what I'm doing.

Gah, these next few months are going to be torture. I don't think I'm enjoying my job as much as I used to. Time for a change, perhaps. Ugh...
-Cril

If I chose to spite you
Engage your disgrace
We'll suffer in silence
And make due with fate
Are you down to be angry?
Show me yours and I'll show you mine
Or are you down just to be down?
I don't believe the words you sing sometimes

But then it's your life
Uh huh, it's your life
It's your life
Uh huh, it's your life

But, you only got one

You've only got...one...

Frou Frou - Only Got One

Over my head? Perhaps.

Okay, so like for whatever reason my here at my uncle's house the internet has been temporarily upgraded to 'extreeme', touting all sorts of impressive numbers and figures that I can't seem to remember. So I've been doing a bit of torrenting, downloading, and gaming. And quite frankly, I can't tell the difference. Sure, I got a normal FTP download going at 600kB/s, but that's about it. I don't think I've been having as much surfing troubles while torrenting as well. My gaming, on the other hand, isn't that impressive. I've gotten some nice ping/latency ratings, but the game still runs on the laggy side. Weird stuff.

I tried out a Wii this weekend. I found it ironic I had to hand in my driver's licence in order to get the controller to demo a racing game (Excite truck). I think I found the controls easier to use and more intuitive than I thought. But at the same time, I didn't like it. Maybe it was the game itself, I wasn't too fond of it. I wish I could've tried Wii Sports or Zelda or Red Steel or something else. Racing doesn't seem like a great selling point on the control scheme. We'll see. I still want to get my hands on Zelda, at least.

On a semi-related note, apparently there are rumours of a Gears of War release for PC. I'd totally be interested in that action. I'm almost at the point of buying a X360 for GoW. There isn't really anything else that I think is a "must have" for the system, but I also keep hearing good things about the Xbox Live features. But I'll stick to PC, if possible. I don't need to spend the extra money.

I guess I'm settling back into regular routine after the Christmas break. I guess this'll be my first full work week since then. I haven't been sleeping well over the past two or three weeks. I think switching beds 3 or 4 times between two differant places is throwing me off. Gah.

But you know how much sleeps there are until the BNL concert? Only a months worth. w00t. That's a good thing. But y'know what really sucks? The Fray is coming to Calgary near the end of MArch, and tickets are sold out. Too bad, they were only $25 a piece. Sucky deal, I really would've liked to see them live.

I've been having a substancial amount of... Stress over school. Y'know, going to a campus I haven't decided on for a course selection I'm not sure of. Choosing what to take is really making me nervous. It's a lot of money to throw around, and there's no guarantee of nothin' once you're all done. I hate it.

I'm sure the man upstairs has something planned out for me. I just wish it had more neon signs right now.
-Cril

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

The Fray - Over My Head (Cable Car)