Sunday, May 24, 2009

Beyond The Dying Light

What a hellish week. Got the portfolio thing back, went to a 'college preview forum'. There wern't even any mark sheets or comments in the portfolio... For all I know, getting accepted could be nothing more than some sort of typo or other clerical error. I saw a few pictures from another candidate that got accepted. I have no idea why they decided I am even remotely that calibre. I wish I could say I'm feeling more confident about the whole ordeal. Oh well, gotta press on. Need to get student loans, which won't be available until early June.

We are/were prepping for a trade show at work. A few 10hr days, coming in on weekends, short lunches... And yet I'm not so convinced it amounted to anything significant. Last year we were ready to go a lot sooner, and that didn't require as many long hours and staying late. How strange.

The boss(es) have been kind enough to feed us while staying late, however. And that essentially amounts to a lot more greasy restaurant food than I think I can handle. I have had much in the way of an appetite for the past ~2-3 weeks. I get hungry, but the thought of eating isn't that appealing. It feels like I'm stuffing more documents into a paper shredder - just one more thing to do.

Saw Curious Case of Benjamin Button last night. It's like a slower, more boring version of Forest Gump. It's rather startling how similar the plots are. Maybe I would've gotten more out of it had I paid more attention, but it was soooo slooooow. It had an intriguing concept and decent effects, however.

I feel tired and exhausted and overwhelmed and underwhelmed. And I need to go to work tomorrow. I went five days without drawing, and six without any games. I feel like my mind needs a shower - it's all sticky and slow. I suppose that's something I'll need to get used to once school starts. Well, I assume there'll be a lot more drawing going on at least. But long hours and next to no games or personal time. They said at the college preview thingy that there are three, 6hr studio days each week and that each of those days has approx 3-6hrs of homework. That'll be brutal. And then the other two weekdays each have a three hour lecture. That shouldn't be too bad, I guess.

Yeah, I'm physically exhausted and I'm mentally spent. But it's almost like I'm... Spiritually fatigued? Does that even make sense?

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I don't feel... Right.
-Cril

God is An Astronaut - Beyond The Dying Light

Monday, May 18, 2009

Of Additional Bugetary Concerns

Yeah, this would be post #200 for this blog. Considering that I started at the beginning of 2006, for the past 3.5 years I've averaged... ~57 posts per year. ~4.7 per month. I'm not sure what the point of analyzing those statistics would be, but there they are.

I guess the appropriate thing for such a milestone would be to do something special or have some kind of significant announcement. Oh! I got just the thing! I got my 2008 tax returns! Wooohooo! I promptly blew the entire sum on on my high-interest savings account. Which, by the way, is not nearly as high-interest as it once was. Despite adding 35% more to that account since earlier this year, the amount of interest I'm collecting has been roughly cut in half. How depressing. I guess this would be filed under the 'signs that the economy is screwed' folder.

Oh yeah, I also got accepted to an art school.

I've been running some numbers. Basically, the programs require you to be in class for 30 hours each week. Add on a "significant homework load", and it doesn't look like I'll even be able to pull off part-time work.

So let's break down some numbers, shall we? Tuition, fees, health/dental, and all that other crap amounts to roughly $5000 a year. That's not too bad. For one of the programs I'm considering, there's an average $3000-worth of supplies every year. $8000 for a year of schooling? It's certainly a chunk o' change, but it's manageable.

Let's add on a minimum of $6000/year for rent, $1000 for all other expenses (if I can really tighten my belt). Add in the schooling, and the grand total goes up to $15 000/year. Maybe I decide to put my car on the road? Add at least another $2300 to cover gas, insurance, and maintenance. Don't forget - I'm younger than 25, which automatically means I'm a bad, unsafe driver who should not be on the road unless he's paying significantly more insurance than your average Joe.

So, ~$15 000 a year with zero employment. If I can get a decent job during the summer, I might be able to take home a grand total of $6000.

Basically, I'm f*cked. Well, perhaps I shouldn't say that. I need to look at student loans this week (assuming work doesn't completely run me into the ground), and see how much the government will give to yokels like me.

It's frustrating. You save and save and save and resist spending and hold fast and do without... Only to discover it amounts to a truly insignificant and pathetic figure in the long-run. I think I may have to completely suspend my entertainment budget for the time being. Forget those changes/additions I mentioned last week.

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Sigh. I can hack school. I think I can do it. It's the financial stuff that's going to drive me into a very early grave.
-Cril

This looks familiar, vaguely familiar
Almost unreal, yet, it's too soon to feel yet
Close to my soul, and yet so far away
I'm going to go back there someday

Sun rises, night falls, sometimes the sky calls
Is that a song there, and do I belong there?
I've never been there, but I know the way
I'm going to go back there someday

The Great Gonzo - I'm Going to Go Back There Some Day

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Of Budgetary Concerns

As I mentioned a while ago, I had all of $0 left in the entertainment budget for April. Did I make it? YES! Well, not so much, no. But I was thiiiiiis close. I ended up spending $5 when I visited home to contribute to a pizza dinner. Which, all things considered, is pretty good value considering the food. I have yet to have any pizza better than the Greek from Harrison Pizza.

$5 for supper? Is that really categorized as 'Entertainment'? Well, you're about to embark on a wonderful journey into the financial life of Chris. It goes a little something like this:

I have a massive, massive spreadsheet on my computer into which every single monetary transaction I make is recorded. The spreadsheet breaks down each month into three categories - Income, Essential, and Entertainment. Income is pretty self-explanatory, covering paychecks, rebates, tax returns, odd jobs (baby sitting, odd art/graphics commisions, etc), and getting paid back for loaned money (like when I place an order and get something for someone, who pays me back later).

Essential covers all my expenditures that are a necessity. Maintaining health, adequate transportation to get to/from work, housing, clothes, tuition, supplies and other odd expenses. There are some things that are debatable in this category. For example, I spend $10.50 a month for a cellphone that I really only have for emergencies or special circumstances. I've also put my external backup hard drive in this category. Is it absolutely imperative to my basic survival? No. But would I be utterly SCREWED if I lost all my data if my primary hard drive failed? YES. Going to school is not a factor that is necessary to keep me alive, but it's something I have to/should be doing. So there are some exceptions here and there, but generally this category is used for things I don't have a legitimate excuse to not get.

Entertainment is the last category, and it pretty much covers everything else. Eating out, seeing movies, birthday presents, gifts, flight tickets home, extra-curricular activities (skating, swimming, minigolf, etc), games, music... All them things I technically don't need and could probably get by without. For example, when I upgraded my computer it all went in here. Do I NEED a new video card, mobo, and processor? No. I can get by fine as is without them, but they sure would be nice to have. I went out for supper after work, but I could have/should have gone home and made something. If it's a "I wanted..." and not a "I needed..." it gets filed here.

I generally spend little heed to how much I spend for 'Essentials' - I suppose if things REALLY got down to the crunch, I could find ways to cut back here and there. Hopefully I'll be biking to and from work most of this summer, saving me on public transportation passes. That's not to say I file things here just so I don't need to be accountable for it. I'm pretty good at drawing the line and passing by the things I don't need or filing them appropriately.

That being said, my target for the entertainment budget is generally $50 a month. Now, if I were to stick to that rigidly... I'd be hosed. I'd never ever be able to afford a new computer unless I spent nothing for the space of two years. So I need to make special allowances here and there. A $1500 computer every three years works out to about $40 a month. So I don't even consider upgrading something that ain't broke until it's three years old. If I'm a good boy and save all my money for the month, I'll get a game. But new games are $50 before tax, so I'll make an allowance there for the extra 7%.

So the $50 a month is somewhat flexible, but there are still times where I have no excuse and I need to take it out of next month. I March I bought junkfood, ate out for lunch, saw Watchmen, bought Unreal Tournament, went to the motor show, and ate out for supper. There is no way in hell I can justify doing all of those. While the motor show was a worth-while event, I didn't need to eat out so much. And even though UT3 was on sale, if I would've done my homework and actually played the demo, I would've realized I didn't really want it in the first place.

And like with filing expenditures under 'Essential', I'm pretty good at drawing the line and walking away when I should. However, I think in some cases the $50/mo limit is a tad restrictive. In particular, relating to more social obligations. If you're out with friends for the day and everyone decides to head to a burger joint, you can't really stop and say "I'd rather not eat out, I have other plans for my precious $50!" and then proceed to just sit out lunch and watch everyone eat. NOT ACCEPTABLE. Or if you're out and someone treats you to a meal, it's generally customary to at least pick up the tip or buy desert or something. I'm a cheap bastard, I know I am. But there are just some instances where it ain't right to pinch the pennies, especially after another is gracious with their own. Birthday presents likewise fall here. I mean, how could you not get someone a gift? Home-made crafts are (generally speaking) reserved for mothers and grandparents, who appreciate the gift because they're obliged to like it regardless of quality.

So I'm proposing (to myself, I guess) a notion to add an extra ~$30 a month to the entertainment category, but reserved for such 'social obligations' that are out of my control. If the very fabric of our cultural society were to shift and make these things irrelevant, great. But for the mean time, I still need to play the 'let's be a well-adjusted member of society game!' And I mean, really, I don't do this kind of stuff often, so I'd be surprised if I actually hit the $30 mark regularly. But it'd help me feel a little less anxious about laying down the greens in appropriate opportunities.

Annnnnd, there's one last proposal. You see, the $50/month generally covers my gaming habit. I usually only get 3-4 new titles a year, and with Steam taking off and being absolutely AWESOME, I've been taking advantage of the great sales. That's all fine and hunky-dory. But I'm still a filthy, filthy pirate when it comes to movies and especially music. I get soooo much use out of the music I don't technically own, it's so incredibly wrong for me to not be supporting these artists that have such influence on me. The problem with movies and music is that they're just so expensive. I like owning physical discs and being able to flip through liner notes. It's a shame that traditional albums are so expensive - it's hard to justify $15 plus additional shipping for eight to twelve songs. And I'm not overly fond of Apple/iTunes, and Amazon MP3 for Canada has yet to happen ("Coming before the end of 2008!"). So what does that leave me with?

I'm debating on whether or not I should say that I should get 12 albums and 2-3 DVDs a year. Just make it an outside-of-budget allowance to get me supporting those I've "stolen" from. I'm just afraid that I'd have a hard time fitting something in the budget that I already have the content for. Torrenting is by far the most natural method of getting exposed to new music or movies, and I really want to make an effort to support those that deserve it. For every case I discover a band like Elbow and get absolutely obsessed with them, I also download a movie like 'Spiderman 3' that I would never want to touch again. It is unfair to not give the well deserving artists their slice, but there is so much utter crap out there that I can in no way justify buying every album I want to listen to or movie I want to see.

It really depends on what mood I'm in when I'm analyzing this kinda stuff. Sometimes I feel that yeah, I can totally afford this and why shouldn't I spend more of my own money? At other times, I'm all too aware of some people I know who are in pretty rough shape financially because they indulged themselves too much. All the small things can add up so quickly. If I can stay on my guard and say "no, I don't need this" and walk away, I'm avoiding a handful of problems. Alternatively, why shouldn't I spend the money I work hard for?

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When I say I'm poor and broke, as I often do, it's not so much a state of finances as a state of mind. I'm good at going without, dammit. And I have a sizable chunk o' change in the bank to prove it. I'm sure that at some point the extra savings and ability to not spend in a pinch will keep me from at least one ugly situation. But how ugly will that situation be? Will there be just one? At what point do I get to sit back and say "Yeah, I'm pretty secure. I think I can be like a normal person now." The saying goes "Everything in moderation." How do you moderate the moderation? Besides, as one Benjamin Franklin said, "Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody."
-Cril

Pointed man smack dab in the middle of July
Swingin' from the rafters in his brand new tie
He said, "I can't go back to that hotel room, all they do is shout
But listen baby, I'll stay with you 'til the money runs out"

So bye bye baby
Baby bye bye

John Hammond Jr - 'Til the Money Runs Out

Sunday, May 03, 2009

A Deafening Distance

qui⋅et [kwahy-it] –adjective
restrained in speech, manner, etc.; saying little: a quiet person.

grump⋅y [gruhm-pee] –adjective
surly or ill-tempered; discontentedly or sullenly irritable; grouchy.

I'm quite frankly surprised at how many people find these terms to be synonymous with each other.

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#3) What is your most favourite thing to do?
L: "hang with friends of course"
L: "i like to swim, play field hockey, listen to music, just hang out wit friends, ya knowm, shit like that"
A: "sports"
A: "getting that feeling of power! u know when u just feel like ur in such control?"
S: "chat wiff peepo"
S: "uhm... chew bubble gum..."
I: "Go on White-wolf.com and RP all day long."
J: "probably just spending time with ppl i like"
C: "play with my friends"
K: "nothing, litterally absolutly nothing and I rarely get to do it"
E: "become enlightened and escape the cycle of reincarnation so as to achieve inner peace and become one with nothingness"
T: "Ummmmm............................................................... Holding down the "." sign... It's fun!"
R: "hmmm probly hang with joelle"
S: "drive. well I like to eat too. and listen to music!
R: "Reading"
J: "Not married yet"
P: "of the things I can say in public, programming"
N: "um.. probalby talk on the phone, meeting up with old friends, getting/writing letters, sleepin"
T: "that's a toss up between reading and watching anime"
Anon: "playing soccer"

In other news, all my roomates are out of town for the next week. That leaves me all alone for the next little while. Which is okay, it's not exactly a foreign concept to me. Most days it doesn't even bother me at all. Besides, as one Mark Twain said, "The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself."

...

-Cril

God is an Astronaut - Forever Lost