Still in a weird head space, dammit.
You know what I love, though? When you stumble on a song that has been in your library for ages, and you discover that it totally makes a connection with where you're are mentally at that moment. When you can practically hear your own thoughts being sung back to you through someone else's voice, complete with melody and atmosphere and accompaniment... Feels like it's the definition of divine inspiration to discover that something was there, waiting for you to stumble on it, to express your state of mind better than you're able to.
So... Boy am I feeling unmotivated today. I guess I've been whining about that a lot lately, but hopefully I'll break through it this week. Well, I'll have no choice in the matter, really. I'll have two major projects coming due between the 4th and 8th, so this is a pretty important week.
I'm trying really hard to get less... Invested in school. Don't get me wrong, I still care and I still work hard. But I'm trying to distance myself from the competition and need to completely satisfy my professor. Sure, they're the ones that issue the marks and give feedback, so I really should be going by their word. But at the same time, I'm getting to the point where I need to focus on my portfolio. Marks will matter less. I think. I don't know. I'm putting in a lot of effort, and just finding that the emotional investment tied to marks is draining. I gotta concentrate on what I need to do and accomplish. It's not about grades - it's about skill.
I took a quick peek at my financial totals for 2011 so far. Turns out that I'm doing a lot better this year than I could have expected. And if it wasn't for how methodical and tedius I am with keeping records of these things, I'd be 100% convinced that there was a MAJOR error somewhere. So right now I'm only about 70% certain that there's something wrong with my data. In a way, I guess it makes sense that I'd be doing this well - all this year I've been working part time at both ye normal employment and tutoring, as well as picking up the odd freelance project on the side. So, yes, I should be in pretty good shape. But not this good. I've checked over my spreadsheet twice already, eyeballing my formulas and looking for any cells that contain peculiarly large numbers. And so far I've turned up nothing. Heck, it's open on my other monitor as we speak, taunting me. "You know that I'm screwing with you. You can't possibly be in this good shape for the year. I'm hiding the problem, so you can't find it, sucker." So far, the only thing I can think to do is to individually download every bank statement to cross-check it with my data. Is it worth the time? I'm pretty convinced that what I have isn't right, but is it worth the hassle to figure it out? Just the thought that I've screwed up somewhere in this mess is enough to drive me nuts. I try to really careful with this stuff.
Gah, I just finished looking it over again. Didn't find a thing. I don't get it. I guess I'll have to compare it once I get my tax forms at the end of the year. On the plus side, though, in a moment of weakness where I was high on the fumes of untrustworthy financial statistics, I finally bought myself some headphones. I've been stuck with crappy earbuds since early spring. And because I tend to destroy those too, I bought 6 more pairs. Hopefully that'll last me a year or so. For the headphones, though, I even went ahead and got an extended warranty, so that I can switch 'em out once they inevetibly get destroyed.
Anyways. Back to das hommwerken.
-Cril
Extreme sounds that told me
They held me down every night
I didn't have much to say
I didn't give up the light
I closed my eyes and closed myself
And closed my world and never opened up to anything
That could get me at all
I had to close down everything
I had to close down my mind
Too many things have caught me
Too much could make me blind
I've seen so much in so many places
So many heartaches, so many faces
So many dirty things
You couldn't even believe
Moby - Extreme Ways
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Twenty-Six Thousand Tonnes More
Well, crap. I just made the mistake of having a quick 40min nap. I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open at my desk while trying to get some homework done, so I crashed on the floor. Not only has this completely absorbed some work time, but it is going to come back around and bite me in two or so hours, when I decide to sleep. "Sleep?" my brain will say, "Ha ha ha! You foolish human! Your brief rest means you will not need to sleep until two hours from when you need to get back out of bed!" Argh. It happens every. Single. Time.
In other news, I've this last week I've been chatting with El Coworker some more, which has guaranteed any escape from my recent funk. So I press onwards, as my scumbag brain insists on analyzing far more than I think it was ever meant to. It's rather (mentally) exhausting, and insures me a perpetual state of uncomfortableness.
It was kinda funny, actually. On Saturday (which was yesterday, apparently) I was in the studio by myself, and my motivation lost a fight with distraction. Said uncomfortableness finally got a bit too intense, and so I decided to flee the city. Packed up, went to the car, and waded through traffic on the way to the highway. I merged, and alas, I was free! Until I reached the edge of town, that is, where there was an accident that had my spontaneous escape route backed up. So I took and exit and turned around to go back the way I came... And lo and behold, the first exit I found on my way back was what I needed to take to get to my place. So I gave up, and went home. It was more than a little discouraging, but also amusing. It's funny when you freak out and try to make a break for it, and then the universe shouts back, "SCREW YOU, HAHAHAHA!"
So I went home and finally finished Deus Ex Revolution. Good game. The ending felt a little... Anticlimactic in a way. I wasn't really happy with how some of the ending choices were handled. Still, the whole thing was fun and the story was pretty solid. I mainly relied on stealth, so I can't quite say how the gunplay was. One thing I missed from the original, though, was how you could improve practically every part of your character, from aiming stabilization to how well you swam. The aiming, in particular, really gave you a solid sense of progressing as a character. In the beginning of the game, you were stuck with crosshairs that would sway all over the place, and each time you improved your ability (that even broke down into small, medium, and heavy arm proficiency), it was immediately noticeable and wildly satisfying. Alas, I haven't played the original DE in many many years, so these may be the recollections of a ~15 year old boy that are masquerading as some sort of rational thought.
Ugh, I'm running on not nearly enough sleep. Too many late nights. Seems like I'm constantly fighting with the need to rest. And I don't know what it is about this semester, but I just can't seem to get myself out of bed on time when the alarm goes off. I usually sleep for another half-hour, before I get up and run out of the house. Once I slept in for an hour. I still don't know how I made it to class on time that day.
Bleh, I'm feeling out of it. Time to go homeworkize. And than lay down my bones into my bed and do anything but sleep.
-Cril
The wind in the wires made a tattle-tale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the captain did too
'Twas the witch of November come stealin'
The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the Gales of November came slashin'
When afternoon came it was freezin' rain
In the face of a hurricane west wind.
Gordon Lightfoot - Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
In other news, I've this last week I've been chatting with El Coworker some more, which has guaranteed any escape from my recent funk. So I press onwards, as my scumbag brain insists on analyzing far more than I think it was ever meant to. It's rather (mentally) exhausting, and insures me a perpetual state of uncomfortableness.
It was kinda funny, actually. On Saturday (which was yesterday, apparently) I was in the studio by myself, and my motivation lost a fight with distraction. Said uncomfortableness finally got a bit too intense, and so I decided to flee the city. Packed up, went to the car, and waded through traffic on the way to the highway. I merged, and alas, I was free! Until I reached the edge of town, that is, where there was an accident that had my spontaneous escape route backed up. So I took and exit and turned around to go back the way I came... And lo and behold, the first exit I found on my way back was what I needed to take to get to my place. So I gave up, and went home. It was more than a little discouraging, but also amusing. It's funny when you freak out and try to make a break for it, and then the universe shouts back, "SCREW YOU, HAHAHAHA!"
So I went home and finally finished Deus Ex Revolution. Good game. The ending felt a little... Anticlimactic in a way. I wasn't really happy with how some of the ending choices were handled. Still, the whole thing was fun and the story was pretty solid. I mainly relied on stealth, so I can't quite say how the gunplay was. One thing I missed from the original, though, was how you could improve practically every part of your character, from aiming stabilization to how well you swam. The aiming, in particular, really gave you a solid sense of progressing as a character. In the beginning of the game, you were stuck with crosshairs that would sway all over the place, and each time you improved your ability (that even broke down into small, medium, and heavy arm proficiency), it was immediately noticeable and wildly satisfying. Alas, I haven't played the original DE in many many years, so these may be the recollections of a ~15 year old boy that are masquerading as some sort of rational thought.
Ugh, I'm running on not nearly enough sleep. Too many late nights. Seems like I'm constantly fighting with the need to rest. And I don't know what it is about this semester, but I just can't seem to get myself out of bed on time when the alarm goes off. I usually sleep for another half-hour, before I get up and run out of the house. Once I slept in for an hour. I still don't know how I made it to class on time that day.
Bleh, I'm feeling out of it. Time to go homeworkize. And than lay down my bones into my bed and do anything but sleep.
-Cril
The wind in the wires made a tattle-tale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the captain did too
'Twas the witch of November come stealin'
The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the Gales of November came slashin'
When afternoon came it was freezin' rain
In the face of a hurricane west wind.
Gordon Lightfoot - Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Regarding Recent Exposure
I'm in a really weird head-space right now. I got chatting with a co-worker in the later hours of Thursday evening, when I should have been focusing on a Typography assignment. Instead we ended up discussing certain revelations until somewhere around 2AM. Just having someone to bat an idea around with for a few hours proved to be insightful, and I think I reached some interesting conclusions. In particular, I had no right to complain about what I was whining about in that post. I think it's a bit selfish and naive to assume that you're somehow entitled to such a relationship. The worlds a big place, and there's no kind of guarantee that everyone gets the kind of support they wish they had. And it's damn self-centered to assume that there'll be someone, somewhere that you can call in for backup at the drop of a hat. There are some battles, I think, that are meant to be fought and won or lost on your own. Not everyone is lucky enough to get the kind of reinforcements they wish they had at any given time, and it's naive and a folly to stake a campaign on it.
It's kinda depressing how long it took for that concept to click home. I'm not saying that we're all alone, and will be forever, and can't expect to have others there for us. But for some things, it'll just never be the case. We aren't entitled to anything, so you shouldn't be expecting it in the first place.
Over the course of the evening, though, El Coworker picked my brain for quite a while, just kinda poking at things and making interesting observations. One of which was "you think about stuff that aint supposed to be thought about". Which, quite frankly, rather amused me. I like to think that all the ramblings I post here aren't completely mundane.
Then she went on to make a few more remarks that I found rather uncomfortable, and to be honest, I don't completely understand. And I'm still trying to turn some of that stuff over in my mind's eye, examining it like it's some sort of foreign device that I just can't figure out how it's supposed to be used. I think I know what it's supposed to do, but not really how.
Uhm, yeah. It's all put me in a bit of a funk. I got home late last night from a wedding reception, and all the residual activity going on inside my head from Thursday just wouldn't let me get to sleep. So I naturally did what anyone would do under such circumstances - I busted out the kit and shaved my head. Pretty short, at least. Had there been more razors in the cabinet and/or I was blessed with a slightly less hideous scalp, I might've taken it all off. But once I finished, I went into the shower to wash off. And then I used up my borderline dull and sole remaining razor to take off the beard. And then I went to bed, and slept. Not very well, mind you - things are getting pretty cool at this time of year, and my cranium was left rather exposed to the lack of warmth in my dungeon suite. Still, it felt good. I wish my hair was longer, so more of it could've come off for even MORE Catharsis Points.
So until I get this whole ordeal sorted and tagged and catalogued within this wonderfully disordered (and freshly cut) head o' mine, it'll be business as usual. Perhaps with sharply increased intake and care put into my music selection. But at least I came away from it with one conclusion that I can put into practice. I suspect it'll take a few tries to get working the way I want it to, though. Implementation is always the hardest part.
-Cril
Rob Dougan - Clubbed to Death 2
It's kinda depressing how long it took for that concept to click home. I'm not saying that we're all alone, and will be forever, and can't expect to have others there for us. But for some things, it'll just never be the case. We aren't entitled to anything, so you shouldn't be expecting it in the first place.
Over the course of the evening, though, El Coworker picked my brain for quite a while, just kinda poking at things and making interesting observations. One of which was "you think about stuff that aint supposed to be thought about". Which, quite frankly, rather amused me. I like to think that all the ramblings I post here aren't completely mundane.
Then she went on to make a few more remarks that I found rather uncomfortable, and to be honest, I don't completely understand. And I'm still trying to turn some of that stuff over in my mind's eye, examining it like it's some sort of foreign device that I just can't figure out how it's supposed to be used. I think I know what it's supposed to do, but not really how.
Uhm, yeah. It's all put me in a bit of a funk. I got home late last night from a wedding reception, and all the residual activity going on inside my head from Thursday just wouldn't let me get to sleep. So I naturally did what anyone would do under such circumstances - I busted out the kit and shaved my head. Pretty short, at least. Had there been more razors in the cabinet and/or I was blessed with a slightly less hideous scalp, I might've taken it all off. But once I finished, I went into the shower to wash off. And then I used up my borderline dull and sole remaining razor to take off the beard. And then I went to bed, and slept. Not very well, mind you - things are getting pretty cool at this time of year, and my cranium was left rather exposed to the lack of warmth in my dungeon suite. Still, it felt good. I wish my hair was longer, so more of it could've come off for even MORE Catharsis Points.
So until I get this whole ordeal sorted and tagged and catalogued within this wonderfully disordered (and freshly cut) head o' mine, it'll be business as usual. Perhaps with sharply increased intake and care put into my music selection. But at least I came away from it with one conclusion that I can put into practice. I suspect it'll take a few tries to get working the way I want it to, though. Implementation is always the hardest part.
-Cril
Rob Dougan - Clubbed to Death 2
Monday, October 10, 2011
Thanks.
Ok, it's getting late, and I probably still have another hour's work of homework I need to finish for tomorrow. But it is Thanksgiving (for the next 47 minutes, at least), so I figure I should throw some thoughts out there. Despite my rather pessimistic outlook on things, there are a lot of things to be thankful for:
-Goin' to a decent school. Yeah, I complain about it a lot. I miss having free time. But I'm really glad to have the opportunity to spend four years of my life studying a profession I enjoy. And maybe I've just fallen prey to its own propaganda, but I really feel confident that this particular school is something special. I think I'm lucky to have ended up where I am.
-Having solid, decent-paying part-time work. Work that allows me to clock in at odd hours, do things I enjoy with intelligent coworkers. Employment that pays me more than I think I actually deserve, and helps me keep my (financial) head above the water during the school year.
-Living in a pretty great country. Sure Canada has got its fair share of problems, but compared with a lot of places, it's really a nice place to be. I mean, the long winters suck for sure, but all things considered, I think it's something that I really take for granted how blessed I am to live where I am.
-The (few) close friends I have. I don't spend as much time with them as I should, but the unquestioning support and patience and engaging conversation goes a really long way amongst a world of brief, passing relationships.
-Having some really kind/considerate family in the city. Similar to above, but they feed me, like, a lot of food and come to my rescue when my car craps out. Which tends to happen with alarming frequency.
-Music. My word, where would I be without it. My emotional and spiritual and mental crutch. It's there when I need it, and there always seems to be a particular song waiting for me to stumble upon that will fix the world as if it's a custom-designed tool to fit this one single job. I just can't fathom not having it on hand. I don't know what I'd do with myself.
-Cars. My car. Driving. Well, okay, I'm in an abusive relationship with my car - so that feeling tends to come and go. But it's unbelievable how much wonder and excitement I get from automobiles. Reading about them, watching them... Yeah, I'm mechanically inept and probably don't actually understand much of what's going on. But it doesn't stop that flame of boyish wonder from lighting up my day. Makes me feel alive. To know that, yeah, there's something special out there. And I love driving so much. With the costs associated with it, it can be a bit of a guilty pleasure. But what a pleasure. The air is starting to get chilly and the leaves are changing to strange hues before collecting in the gutters - winter is definitely around the corner. And with that comes the need for wearing big boots and thick gloves. And this knowledge, dawning on me over the past two weeks, has really made me realize how much I enjoy driving. Feeling the grooves in the steering wheel rhythmically run over your fingers as the wheels straighten out, and the H pattern on the shifter knob that lays under your palm. The spring of the gas pedal underneath my foot, sensing the engine's revolutions vibrate through every surface, and every bump in the road that travels up through the suspension... My word. All of that at once, on an open road with a full tank of gas and some music coming through the speakers... It's a sensory overload that's the very definition of bliss.
So, yeah. I'm thankful. And now I'm thankful and running behind on my assignment. Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.
-Cril
The London Symphony Orchestra - Life on Mars
-Goin' to a decent school. Yeah, I complain about it a lot. I miss having free time. But I'm really glad to have the opportunity to spend four years of my life studying a profession I enjoy. And maybe I've just fallen prey to its own propaganda, but I really feel confident that this particular school is something special. I think I'm lucky to have ended up where I am.
-Having solid, decent-paying part-time work. Work that allows me to clock in at odd hours, do things I enjoy with intelligent coworkers. Employment that pays me more than I think I actually deserve, and helps me keep my (financial) head above the water during the school year.
-Living in a pretty great country. Sure Canada has got its fair share of problems, but compared with a lot of places, it's really a nice place to be. I mean, the long winters suck for sure, but all things considered, I think it's something that I really take for granted how blessed I am to live where I am.
-The (few) close friends I have. I don't spend as much time with them as I should, but the unquestioning support and patience and engaging conversation goes a really long way amongst a world of brief, passing relationships.
-Having some really kind/considerate family in the city. Similar to above, but they feed me, like, a lot of food and come to my rescue when my car craps out. Which tends to happen with alarming frequency.
-Music. My word, where would I be without it. My emotional and spiritual and mental crutch. It's there when I need it, and there always seems to be a particular song waiting for me to stumble upon that will fix the world as if it's a custom-designed tool to fit this one single job. I just can't fathom not having it on hand. I don't know what I'd do with myself.
-Cars. My car. Driving. Well, okay, I'm in an abusive relationship with my car - so that feeling tends to come and go. But it's unbelievable how much wonder and excitement I get from automobiles. Reading about them, watching them... Yeah, I'm mechanically inept and probably don't actually understand much of what's going on. But it doesn't stop that flame of boyish wonder from lighting up my day. Makes me feel alive. To know that, yeah, there's something special out there. And I love driving so much. With the costs associated with it, it can be a bit of a guilty pleasure. But what a pleasure. The air is starting to get chilly and the leaves are changing to strange hues before collecting in the gutters - winter is definitely around the corner. And with that comes the need for wearing big boots and thick gloves. And this knowledge, dawning on me over the past two weeks, has really made me realize how much I enjoy driving. Feeling the grooves in the steering wheel rhythmically run over your fingers as the wheels straighten out, and the H pattern on the shifter knob that lays under your palm. The spring of the gas pedal underneath my foot, sensing the engine's revolutions vibrate through every surface, and every bump in the road that travels up through the suspension... My word. All of that at once, on an open road with a full tank of gas and some music coming through the speakers... It's a sensory overload that's the very definition of bliss.
So, yeah. I'm thankful. And now I'm thankful and running behind on my assignment. Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.
-Cril
The London Symphony Orchestra - Life on Mars
Sunday, October 09, 2011
Missing Connection
You know what? It kinda sucks not having a go-to wingman on hand. I wanted a hand with something the other day, something kinda personal and peculiar in my own way. And the thought occurred to me... I don't really have anyone in my class that I could trust with this. Or in the whole school, for that matter.
Well, it's not really an issue of trust. I know a handful of really good people in my class. I enjoy working with them, and we get along really well, and have a great time together as we wade through our four years of education. It's just that none of them... get me.
Wow. What a pretentious, angsty, teenager thing to say. But it's still true.
Outside of schoolwork, there's not much of a connection. And I know that if I were to go to one of these people with my strange little idea, they'd do their best to help me out. I don't doubt that at all. But none of them would understand said strange little idea. They'd give me funny looks and humour me the whole way through.
And that's what kinda unnerves me a bit. I have no one in my physical everyday life that I really see eye-to-eye with. And not on terms of politics or religion or whatever - that stuff shouldn't really matter. But in terms of personality. I guess what I'm getting at is... I don't know any decent introverts, dammit. And two introverts together is like a grand ol' vertex of introvertedness that's so incredibly satisfying in a way that I don't even have words for.
Who knows. Perhaps these are wildly unrealistic expectations, and it's next to impossible to find someone that I can interact with in precisely the way I'm imagining. But I can think of one or two people that if they were right there, yeah, I think I'd do alright to bounce a lil' bit of my crazy off of them. Even if they didn't totally understand why, they could somehow relate to it and trust me on the whole thing.
Bleh, look at me rambling on and not really saying anything. My point is... I know some good people at school/work, and enjoy spending time with them. But I don't have anyone I see in day-to-day life that I'd feel comfortable automatically leaning on. It kinda sucks, and I've found this whole epiphany to be more than a little unnerving.
Also, this is my 300th post and I have absolutely nothing interesting to say.
-Cril
Ludovico Einaudi - I Colori Caldi Della Terra
Well, it's not really an issue of trust. I know a handful of really good people in my class. I enjoy working with them, and we get along really well, and have a great time together as we wade through our four years of education. It's just that none of them... get me.
Wow. What a pretentious, angsty, teenager thing to say. But it's still true.
Outside of schoolwork, there's not much of a connection. And I know that if I were to go to one of these people with my strange little idea, they'd do their best to help me out. I don't doubt that at all. But none of them would understand said strange little idea. They'd give me funny looks and humour me the whole way through.
And that's what kinda unnerves me a bit. I have no one in my physical everyday life that I really see eye-to-eye with. And not on terms of politics or religion or whatever - that stuff shouldn't really matter. But in terms of personality. I guess what I'm getting at is... I don't know any decent introverts, dammit. And two introverts together is like a grand ol' vertex of introvertedness that's so incredibly satisfying in a way that I don't even have words for.
Who knows. Perhaps these are wildly unrealistic expectations, and it's next to impossible to find someone that I can interact with in precisely the way I'm imagining. But I can think of one or two people that if they were right there, yeah, I think I'd do alright to bounce a lil' bit of my crazy off of them. Even if they didn't totally understand why, they could somehow relate to it and trust me on the whole thing.
Bleh, look at me rambling on and not really saying anything. My point is... I know some good people at school/work, and enjoy spending time with them. But I don't have anyone I see in day-to-day life that I'd feel comfortable automatically leaning on. It kinda sucks, and I've found this whole epiphany to be more than a little unnerving.
Also, this is my 300th post and I have absolutely nothing interesting to say.
-Cril
Ludovico Einaudi - I Colori Caldi Della Terra
Sunday, October 02, 2011
Trying to Call Somebody Else
I'm pretty sure that when you permanently delete/remove your Facebook account, they still retain some of your old data on hand. Looking at the recommendations for 'Friends', there are at least two people from, we'll call it, the "Old Life". People from a different province altogether that I haven't really seen face-to-face in years. And somehow, Facebook magically thinks that based on my profile I might just happen to know them. Sure. Riiiight. There is nothing, absolutely nothing in either my profile information or current contacts that could possibly link me back so precisely to those people that I once upon a time had in my Friends list, before I destroyed the account with what I supposed was the digital equivalent of fire and brimstone. I have no way to prove the theory that they actually kept information from my old account on hand, of course. Maybe it's based on my email address, and those people have tried looking for me, and Facebook has kept that search on hand for when said account was claimed.
Either way, it still creeps me out and wish I wasn't on there at all. I don't trust Facebook at all. And I mean, yeah, Google has waaay more of my information and I'm less worried about them. They seem less scummy, you know? I could be wrong. In fact, I'm sure that Google has some less-than-reputable projects going on behind closed doors. Times like this, I wish I could just delete myself from the internet and move on. I don't like the idea of anyone keeping tabs on me like that.
I actually went through and parsed a half-dozen contacts from my Facebook contact list, after the person that made my account sent requests out to a bunch of people I don't know. Looking at my current list, sure I know most of them. But are they my friends? No. Not at all. And I want to destroy all those inaccurate connotations that they are. But alas, this is a professional networking tool, not for socializing. I'll leave 'em be. For now. But just the fact that it says "Friends (48)" makes me cringe. There is no way in hell that number should be so high. It just... Rubs me the wrong way. Like sandpaper on my cerebellum. It just ain't right.
And, of course, to prevent further people from finding me, I'm refusing to actually edit/fill in any of the profile info. As far as it's concerned, I went to a highschool I never set foot in, have a birthday three and a half months before I was born, and I'm currently attending a school on the other side of the country. And I've figured out the privacy settings (supposedly), so I even have all this information set to friends-only. And it's going to stay that way.
Some days I feel like such a grumpy old man of a hermit. Kids these days. Hrmph.
-Cril
Just seven numbers
Can straighten out my life
But my pride won't let me phone
Four Tops - Just Seven Numbers (Can Straighten Out My Life)
Either way, it still creeps me out and wish I wasn't on there at all. I don't trust Facebook at all. And I mean, yeah, Google has waaay more of my information and I'm less worried about them. They seem less scummy, you know? I could be wrong. In fact, I'm sure that Google has some less-than-reputable projects going on behind closed doors. Times like this, I wish I could just delete myself from the internet and move on. I don't like the idea of anyone keeping tabs on me like that.
I actually went through and parsed a half-dozen contacts from my Facebook contact list, after the person that made my account sent requests out to a bunch of people I don't know. Looking at my current list, sure I know most of them. But are they my friends? No. Not at all. And I want to destroy all those inaccurate connotations that they are. But alas, this is a professional networking tool, not for socializing. I'll leave 'em be. For now. But just the fact that it says "Friends (48)" makes me cringe. There is no way in hell that number should be so high. It just... Rubs me the wrong way. Like sandpaper on my cerebellum. It just ain't right.
And, of course, to prevent further people from finding me, I'm refusing to actually edit/fill in any of the profile info. As far as it's concerned, I went to a highschool I never set foot in, have a birthday three and a half months before I was born, and I'm currently attending a school on the other side of the country. And I've figured out the privacy settings (supposedly), so I even have all this information set to friends-only. And it's going to stay that way.
Some days I feel like such a grumpy old man of a hermit. Kids these days. Hrmph.
-Cril
Just seven numbers
Can straighten out my life
But my pride won't let me phone
Four Tops - Just Seven Numbers (Can Straighten Out My Life)
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