Sunday, December 30, 2012

Finger Picked

So the house was full - the entirety of the (immediate) family was home. Some were talking, some were helping to prepare a meal. In fact, we had all just lent a hand to bring supper together. As part of a new family tradition, for the last three years we've done handmade pierogies for a post-Christmas dinner. It's a fairly time consuming process, because once the dough and filling has been created, each pierogi has to be made from scratch. So we all help out over the various stages to make a delicious and wonderfully artery-clogging meal. It's quickly turning into a favourite tradition of mine.

Anyways, after I had spent a shift stuffing these mini Ukrainian dumplings I went to the living room to relax by messing around on my mandolin for a bit. Truth be told, ever since I started keeping my ukulele in the studio with me at school, my fingers get kind of itchy for strings to pick. I started playing some rather simple chords, G, D and C in various orders, and practicing my picking. I would play the D and then A strings a couple times, then go up to E and climb back down. That turns into D A D A D A E A over and over again, switching chords every one or two times. Then I complicated it a bit further by alternating between the G and D strings. That turned into G A D A G A D A G A E A D. It caused a rather backfire in my brain, muscles, and various neurons in between, but I finally got it working.

So I played for a bit, pretty pleased with the melody that came floating out as a result of all this utter chaos of internal co-ordination that I had somehow figured out. I tell ya - sometimes operating muscles can be a lot more difficult then you'd think, considering you use the same ones every day without much complaint. You try to make things a tiny bit more interesting, and you suddenly become very conscious of the connection between body and mind, and how one has to trust the other. And as weird as that sounds, it's true. Muscles trusting the brain seems pretty straightforward. "Hey, finger muscles, I need to to move like x so I can accomplish y." The real frightening bit is when it changes to "Ok guys, I told you what I need you to do and how to do it. I'll let you do your thing now." This is the part where you know what you want to do, but you can't quite get it to work quite right. So you think, yeah, I got this figured out, I just need to stop over-thinking and do it. You relax and let your muscles take over. And at first, it's like watching a herd of penguins in those massive sumo suits trying to practice synchronized swimming. Lots of flailing around, making funny noises, and things moving much slower and retarded than you know they should be capable of. But eventually the penguins squirm their way out of the overly-padded suits and do what they do. And when that happens... Music. It's a good feeling.

This post wasn't meant to be about music or the challenges of learning to play an instrument, so I'm going to do a bit of course-correction here.

I was sitting in the chair, plucking away this new melody I'd stumbled upon. And I got to the point where my hands could take over and I could look around. What I saw was the living room being lit by the warm glow of the Christmas tree. Next to it in the reclining chair was my father, who was reading. On the couch was one of my sisters, who was snuggling with her boyfriend. And down at the center of the floor, was my new baby niece who was bundled up and sleeping while her parents were in the next room. And something... Clicked. Something felt right, and it was almost as if the music I was playing had somehow become the gateway to me seeing a larger picture. For appreciating that particular, beautiful moment for what it was. With a clear dark sky outside, upbeat conversation and laughter around the corner, and the smell of frying sausage dancing through the house that smelled of old wood and dust.

It was... Perfect. That's all there is to it. Being exactly where you are and being aware of everything going on around you. Looking at the old man resting in his home, his daughter that is starting her search for her companion, and the sleeping child that's just starting her own journey through life. Circle of life, blah blah blah. Still, it was a pretty profound slice of time to find yourself in. Felt like the curtain had been pulled back another couple inches on this thing that we all experience between birth and death.

And as a musician (of sorts), I found it amazing how the little tune I was plucking was the keystone for this massive experience that happened within the tiny confines of my own mind and no one else. I don't know how to explain it. It's like being hypnotized by your own process of creating something. Not the end result so much as the experience of bringing it to life. And at the same time, it was like taking a step back, looking at the scene before me, and choosing a soundtrack to fit, where that soundtrack is exactly the music I was unfurling. Most of the people that read this (all two of them) will probably think that I'm high or full of crap or stupid or all of the above.  I'm pretty sure I'm not.

It was just a really nice 10 minutes of being alive.
-Cril

Crilix - Sleeping J

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Yuletide Bits

Feels good to be home. Except for the part of, you know, actually being in the home, specifically. I'm rather allergic to it. Within half an hour, I notice my breathing starts to become more shallow. A couple hours later, my eyes itch. Shortly following that, my nose starts to run. Sigh. That building is full of so many memories, and I love the sense of peace it gives me to be there with my family. But it's quite the juxtaposition of  states to be in a place that makes you feel at ease emotionally versus falling apart physically. Sigh.

Anyways, Christmas. Good times. It's been the first time in two years that the entire family has been together. Not only that, but we're even +1. Exciting stuff. Lots of talking and sitting around and joking. Joking and smiling, and making eachother laugh. A sense of humour that fits like an old glove. I wish I could take that glove and put it in my pocket and bring it everywhere with me. Hell, or take that glove and wear it everyday.

I'm sitting here trying to figure out how I can record everything, and I have no idea where to start. So I'll just kinda spit it out in random-ish order:
  • I've been 'playing' (or just messing around on) the mandolin a lot, which I brought with me, while the family sits around and does whatever. I really enjoy that - having and instrument for my fingers to dance across.
  • It's amazing how the energy and focus changed once there was a new baby in the family. She's sickeningly adorable, and no one can take their eyes off of her. Such a little magnet or black hole for attention. You should see the gifts pour in for her.
  • Speaking of gifts... Hopefully this will be my last year of not getting any for the family. Time/money/energy seem to be at a premium due to school shinanigans. It makes me feel horrible, but I just can't get it done.
  • My brother got me a (rather nice) camera tripod. I'm pretty blown away, and super thankful. Kinda adds on pressure for next year to get on my game...
  • My sketchbook is changing. Morphing. It's becoming less... "Draw what you see", and more... Stream of conciousness/patterns/faces/linework/journal. I kinda like it. I keep thinking about how I'm not a great illustrator. I want to keep drawing, sure, but I know I need to focus on my design work and improving that. I wonder how my sketchbook can be used for that. I've also been using an ink pen, and I really dig the line quality of it.
  • My family and I spent Christmas Eve at my brother-in-law's parents' place, with his family. It was pretty good - a little bit awkward, but good. They're fairly laid-back people, and we had no problems having conversation and taking it easy. Still made me realize how awkward I can be around people I don't know very well. I keep finding myself thinking, "I gotta fix this. I gotta get better at this." I don't know why I'm so hyper-aware of it right now.
  • I'm tired. I have tired all up in my bones. I sleep and sleep, and it's not enough. I had two naps yesterday, even. I've really racked up quite the sleep deficit during this last semester, and I can't quite shake it off.
  • Christmas turkey dinner was delicious, as always. But I'm changing - I used to have two, if not three, servings in the past. This year, one was more than sufficient.
  • I weighed myself for the first time in a long time. It seems that I've lost ~13lbs over the past semester, on the standard "Stress, bad eating habits, and less sleep" diet.
  • My brother, meanwhile, has been super-aware of diet and calories and weight and such. It's quite a foreign mindset to be around, and feels odd considering how close we used to be with our terrible eating habits. This change is by no means a bad thing. Just different.
  • Because I'm allergic to the family house (and therefore my room and my bed), I've been staying with my brother. It's pretty nice. Again, the widening gap in living habits is kind of... Unsettling in a way, but we still get along pretty well. I've been having a good time while we pick up some Minecraft (still addicting), browse Steam (too many games, not enough time), run errands (yaaay groceries) and this evening make lists of albums, comics and movies we should listen/read/watch (I'm going to be busy for many years to come).
  • I went shopping, briefly, with my brother and sister. We took a quick peek through one of the bigger malls, and there was a first nations group performing some traditional dance and music in protest of some bill. I have no idea what bill it was, but I hope those natives lose their cause, just for the sheer volume of what they were doing. It was painful - the sound reverberating into every store, and it seriously hurt my hearing after ~15mins. I mean, hey, good on them for using the democratic tools and their disposal and expressing their concerns in a traditional way, but... Damn. That place did not have the acoustics to handle that kind of sound in a comfortable (or safe) way.
  • I've formatted my laptop and a kit to double my RAM. My laptop is going to be on top of its game for the final semester.
  • I'm stressin' out. I need to:
    • Reply to many emails
    • Find a name + URL for a portfolio site, make a portfolio site
    • Fix up old pieces and start gathering portfolio pieces for a shoot
    • Talk to a friend about the freelance work he needs me to do
    • Change my home insurance provider
    • Start thinking about the project for next semester
    • SLEEP
    • Find time to cook dinner for friends
    • Book an optomitrist appointment
    • Figure out when extended medical coverage ends 
  • At one point on Christmas, I was so stuffed up and my breathing was becoming so shallow that I had to get out and get some air. So I put on some music and went for a stroll. I found myself walking down the middle of main-street, smack-dab center of the road. It was dark, with mostly full moon, a starry sky, and whisps of clouds being blown by the chill winds. Florence and The Machine sang through my earbuds. Not a soul was to be seen, up or down the road. It was perfect.
So, uh, yeah. I'm glad to be home for a bit, but... I'm still kinda tired and have a lot of stuff to get done. It's scary how the days are just flying by. So much to do, so much to do. And then in four more months, that will no longer be the case. Can't wait.

One thing at a time.
-Cril

Brian Setzer Orchestra - The Nutcracker Suite

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

End of Semester Fragments

Yay, seven semesters down, one to go. The end of this one was pretty brutal - the stress/anxiety was so bad at some points that I was having a tough time hunkering down to concentrate. But I got through it. I think my projects turned out okay. One of which, a book of infographs about cars, I'm pretty proud of. Mostly. I think. I'm terrible about feeling confident about such things, but I think it's okay.

Anyways, I'm pretty exhausted and I have a lot of sleep to catch up on. But I've been keeping track of odd ideas that I wanted to write down, so I'll cover the three most recent.

First, there's this girl I know. I think she's maybe 9 or 10, and she's the daughter of an awesome husband and wife I used to work with. They'd bring her in with her sister to work some days, and at the beginning she was super shy. She was maybe 7ish at the time. But she eventually warmed up to the staff, and she was a lot of fun to be around. Whenever she'd be in the office because she had a day off of school, I'd give her grief about skipping class. I'd generally just goof around with her - she's the textbook definition of cute and innocent, and she's pretty bright too. She has me added to her GTalk client, and from time to time she logs in and says hello. It puts a smile on my face every time. She's an awesome kid, and it's a treat to get to yak for a little bit every now and again. I know that we'll eventually drift apart entirely and she'll turn into some kinda teenage teenager, but... Still. She's a fun person to interact with.

About two weeks ago I was in the studio, and things were coming due pretty quick. I was stressed out, everyone was stressed out. So I took a quick break from my work, grabbed my friends guitar, and sat at the front of the class with my feet up on the big desk, and played for a little bit. In particular, I played a little song I had written. The only song I've written, really, and even that's being a bit generous. It's more of a simple little tune I came up with that that uses all of three strings. I've toyed around with it and found a rhythm, picking pattern, and basic melody/progression that I felt worked. So it is something I've put some time into it, and it's simple, and it means a little something to me. So anyways, I sat there and played it out at the front of the class, while there were a half-dozen or so students in the studio working on their own things, not really paying attention. And when I finished, one girl turned to me and said, "That was really beautiful, Chris." And another echoed, "Yeah, that was really good." And really, it wasn't anything special from a technical standpoint. But it felt really good to have someone recognize when you put a bit of yourself into something.

Just last week, while we were working away late in the studio a mere two days before a project was due, I helped people out here and there. Pitched some ideas, helped to flesh-out some concepts, gave some technical tips, gave a hand with production... Just trying to chip in and give a hand to everyone else that was just as stressed as I was. At one point in the evening, I gave a classmate a particularly helpful idea for a quote to pair with some video footage. My best friend in the school turned to me and told me, "Chris, you are the best man I know, you know that? I say that in all honesty". And coming from a person that I respect and admire in more than a few ways... It meant a lot. It meant a lot not only be a good influence on some of the people around me, but so much so that someone had to point it out to me.

On an unrelated note, during the last day of class where we all take turns getting up to present our projects, I kept myself awake by doing quick sketches/caricatures of every student that went up. I ended up drawing all ~40 people in my program, including the profs. And damn, my drawing skills are out of shape. Kind of a fun (but exhausting) exercise, though.

Anyways, I'm rambling. If I don't start paying off this sleep debt sooner than later, I'm going to have my sleep knees broken by the sleep loan shark's sleep goons.
-Cril

Pilote - Turtle [Bonobo Mix]

Sunday, December 02, 2012

One More Lap of the Solar System

Sucks that I haven't posted in so long. School, homework, workload, blah blah blah, etc etc.

And this post is gunna be pretty quick.

I just want to say that it's pretty awesome to have a few people know and care about your birthday without having to say/do anything. Although I have a Facebook profile (that I seldom use), I made a point of not making my birthdate visible. I can't stand the half-hearted well-wishes from people that I haven't even talked with in a year. Seems kinda... Superficial.

And on the other end of the spectrum, I have a friend that ordered a movie for me. I have an uncle and aunt that took me out for Peruvian cuisine (each year for my birthday they take me to a different international restaurant, and it's quickly becoming a favourite tradition to go for food that I've never had before and don't know what to expect). They even gave me a small tuner for instruments. Then there's my classmate/buddy/bro/pal, who arrived to class with a big ol' slab of chocolate cake with eight candles. Just to know that he remembered and went a little bit out of his way for it made me feel good. Overall, they all might be overly grandiose gestures but... It's good to know that I have some friends and family that care. It's a damn fine feeling.

Anyways. Time to get back at it.
-Cril

You say it's your birthday
Well it's my birthday too, yeah
You say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you


Beatles - Birthday