Sunday, October 26, 2014

Huh?

So some dude just tried to steal my bike. I was standing at the window that looks out into the fenced in yard, when a shady-lookin' dude (complete with baggy jacket, shaved head, and tattoos on half his face) came into the yard and went into the corner by where my bike is kept. I went out the front door and said, "What are you doing with my bike?". He asked if he could have it. I said no, and placed my hand on the handlebars. He then fell over slightly, and got up close, and mumbled something about cutting through the house. Again, I said no. He jogged away. I put the bike back and was going to phone the cops when I heard shouting. The neighbours in the row of houses behind where we were chased down the same guy to prevent him from making off with one of their bikes. The culprit ran off, and I called the cops. An officer showed up, talked to me briefly, then went to the neighbours. Strange, very strange. Either the guy was drunk/high, running from someone/thing, or both.

And how was your Sunday night?
-Cril

The Seatbelts - Bad Dog, No Biscuits

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Back to the Fruiture

I just had a chat with Frank about Apple products, and I feel invisibly compelled to jot down some quick ideas swirling around my head. A number of years ago I wrote at great lengths about my investigation into purchasing some serious Apple hardware and my various hesitations and reservations about the brand. Once upon a time I was vehemently opposed to all things Apple. Maybe I'm getting old, but I just don't quite care that much any more about who stole what feature or whatever the talking points of the time were.

Apple makes great stuff. Pretty, well-engineered, advanced. They know what they're doing, and gosh darn it, they're good at it.

For a while, I believed that the brand personality rubbed me the wrong way. Apple felt like a smug hipster that always had it all figured out and knew it was the hottest thing on the block. These days, though, I frankly don't pay enough attention to it (or other tech companies) to know or care.

Right now there are three big boulders between me and the entrance to the Holy Shrine Church of His Holiness Steve "The Holy Man" Jobs (note: one of medium-sized pebbles along the way is a general befuddlement at Jobs-worship).

First is money. Apple is a creator of luxury electronics. Nicer materials, slimmer builds, and various extra fancy features and small details that make you say "Ohhhh" and "Ahhhh". Unfortunately, I'm not a luxury person, and tend to be a bit more usability-oriented. To me, a wonderfully pulsing power LED and 4lbs of added lightness is an impressive touch, but not worth paying an extra 50% for.

Let me put it this way, because my life loosely orbits around the wonderful world of cars. Say someone presented me with $45,000 for a new car. I could get a brand-new Mercedes-Benz is C-Class, complete with all the leathers and ride comforts and infotainments and fancy stitching for $43,000. Or I could buy an FR-S, with its stiff suspension and tiny back seats, and pocket the remaining $15,000. It'd be no contest, because at the core what I want is a vehicle that gets me from A to B and is fun to drive.

In some cases those extra features make the price worth it. After all, the sorting, ranking, and play count tracking in iTunes is the reason I haven't been able to stray from the iPod. But for the most part, I value main functionality over frills and details. The value proposition for the finer things in life just ain't quite there for me. What can I say, I take after my father. A meat and potatoes kinda guy.

The next big rock in the way is that the core functionality between Mac and PC platforms is... Remarkably the same. I'm of course referring to my experience with the platforms and what I generally use computers for (hint: design crap and internet crap). A few years ago, the inability to handle gaming would have been an instant disqualifier. Now, though? Photoshop runs just the same on either platform. Differences in OS stability or user interface are downright negligible. For the past year I've been frequently switching between doing work on my Windows laptop and various iMacs, and the one biggest difference between the two... Has got to be the keyboard layout. And it's not that one is better than the other, it's just the fact that they're different. I haven't quite come across any make-it-or-break-it features between the two. And as simple day-to-day user, the more minute or involved differences don't manifest themselves to me.

The last big hurdle has nothing to do with hardware or corporate policy. No, the last big dumb rock in the way is, well, me. And Apple fans. Yes, those vocal diehards that I feel don't quite know what they're talking about despite their zeal for the subject. All they know is that Mac = Awesome and PC = Flawed, because the commercials told them so (seriously, props to whoever was behind that ad campaign. You've made quite the impression). I know it's incredibly petty, but I think the biggest grudge I hold against the brand is that underlying tone of snarky disbelief I get when someone exclaims to me "...you use a PC?!"

Screw you. Yes, it is a PC. And it runs the same programs as yours, with all the same features and capabilities. I know it seems hard to understand, but I can (gasp!) do the same things that you can do with your luxury laptop, and at a fraction of the price. If I can graduate near the top of my class using a Lowly Lenovo, I think it's safe to assume that it's not so noticeably inferior. It doesn't hamper my creative process or prevent me from kerning my type just so.

It's a tool. Like a hammer. You know how a hammer works, right?  Surprisingly, it doesn't matter if the handle is wood or covered in authentic Tibetan cow hide. The ability to drive a nail remains more/less equal.

Yeah, I know I wear cheap Wal-Mart shoes. And yet I still manage to make it to work on time. How does that work?

I make it a bit of a game for my own amusement to ask assertive Apple purists what they prefer about the Mac platform over the alternative. I usually get a mix of "it looks better" and "it works better". When I ask for elaboration on the last point, there's usually a mix of "uhms", "uhs", and an assorted list of nonessential, features and a loose claim that "windows machines break all the time" (which, oddly, they never seem to be able to expound on). As for aesthetics, yes, absolutely, OSX is much more attractive and streamlined than Windows. But does that mean that the only thing preventing a perfectly level playing field is a pretty, pretty special glossy Windows skin?

Again, I don't care so much for how a tool looks as much as what it's actually capable of. Make my hammer pink and reflective for all I care, because eventually you get used to appearances and it's what emerges from the workshop at the end of the day that really counts. And being a price conscious guy, well, if the shiny pink hammer is the best value I'll go for it.

I'm pretty sure the main reason designers use Macs these days is simply because that's just what designers use. It's a culture that feeds into itself, for better or worse. I just don't get the rabid sense of superiority about it.

Who knows, if I wasn't such a computer nerd growing up and wasn't assaulted by everyone's vocal (and borderline insulting) disbelief at my choice to use a Windows machine, I probably would have long ago joined the Apple herd myself.

I feel that as I mature I realize some things just don't matter, and along with that I've realized how pointless and relatively petty the whole debate is about Mac vs PC. Apple makes good stuff. Microsoft makes good stuff. They're both so good that, to my eyes, they're pretty the same animals but of different colour. More than anything I just guess I'm just pissed off at being looked down on under the assumption that my particular choice of tool clearly directly corresponds with my capability as a person.

But hey, what good is getting older if you can't be irrationally bitter about some things? And who knows, maybe in a few more years I won't care about this either.
-Cril

Please could you stop the noise, I'm trying to get some rest
From all the unborn chicken voices in my head
What's that?
I may be paranoid, but not an android
What's that?
I may be paranoid, but not an android

When I am king, you will be first against the wall
With your opinion which is of no consequence at all
What's that?
I may be paranoid, but no android
What's that?
I may be paranoid, but no android

Radiohead - Paranoid Android

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Valiant Hearts

Being an adult is taking three weeks to beat a 6 hour game that, when you were younger, would have taken you one sitting. But being an adult is also the ability to appreciate a heartfelt tale, even if it wasn't full of action.

I just finished playing Valiant Hearts, and it pretty much gutted me. In a nutshell, it's a simple puzzle platformer about the first world war. To write a full-length review that'd do it justice would simply take too much time and yet be somehow inadequate. So in the spirit of the game, I'll keep it short.

The art is incredible. It's like you're playing through a comic book, and not in a "look at all this awesome stuff going on" kind of way, but a "let's be immersed by visual storytelling" kind of way. Even though you could say the visual style was fairly basic, the set pieces were magnificent and small details brought the world to life. To argue that this needed "better graphics" would be to admit a lack of taste. Some settings were light and beautiful, and others were just as horrifying as they needed to be. What more could you want?

I want to say that parts of the game were frustrating. Usually I get quite irritated when the only way to beat a section of a game is through trial-and-error. Here though, it felt oddly appropriate.

The story was very educational, yes, but also emotional. I have a lot of respect for the writers for the amount of ground they covered without diluting the impact of the experience. It all just felt right.

I applaud Ubisoft for taking on this project. I'm sure it was a brave undertaking, but it turned out to be exactly what it needed to be. This will sit high on my list of examples of "games as art" for those who don't really know the medium or understand what it's capable of. Because how could something that makes you deplore the world and simultaneously rips out your heart be anything less?
-Cril

Ludovico Einaudi - Two Sunsets

Monday, October 06, 2014

Make It 'til You Fake It

So there was this place I got an interview at. As a matter of fact, it was the first place I had cold-called and got through to the person I wanted to speak to. I went to see him, and despite him not having not long to look at my work and my being incredibly nervous and slightly sweaty, he seemed to like my stuff. Said that he'd like to bring me on for a freelance project, and if that went well a 3 month contract, and if that went well a proper job.

I mean, yeah, I'd love a full real job, but I figured I'd take what I could get. So we played phone tag for a while, until eventually I was put in touch with the company's chief creative director in Toronto for a short phone interview, where he offered me a part time/contract-type position. Cool! I finished up my other interviews before accepting their offer. By this point, it was maybe 1.5 months after I started cold-calling/our initial contact. Thus is life. In any case, I told them I'd start in a week.

At this point I was bracing for impact. In the past, starting a new job is generally the one thing I can do that'll drape me if a soft blanked of excruciating anxiety, whereupon I feel the slight desire to projectile vomit out my nervousness. Good times.

Lo and behold, the first day of work rolled around and... It went fine, actually. I was a little jittery, sure, but as a whole I was pretty collected. I went in with the attitude that, "what's the worst they can do, fire me?" and proceeded to do the best I could. And if that isn't good enough, well, I'll just do more cold calling.

And I was fine with that. I think that by this point my nerves have hardened somewhat. It might be more than a little bit related to being cross-examined by border agents, walking into classrooms where I didn't know the profs or students or classrooms, moving in with people I'd never met before, and having lots of failed interviews that never went anywhere. That's right, I think that in some perverse way looking for work prepared me for getting work. Either way, it's good to know that I'm now able to man-up a couple rungs higher on the ladder than I've previously been able to do. Nerves of steel I have not. They're probably closer to damp spruce. But hey, that's better than the soggy newsprint it was a few years ago.

So, yes, I survived that first day of work. I sat on a meeting, did some simple layouts, a basic animation, and even joined in on a conference call for feedback with a freelancer. At the end of the day when I was inquiring to my boss about what hours he'd like me in, he told me that three days a week would be pretty good, and if I'm really desperate for more he'll make something happen. He just wants me to be honest and give it to him straight. And whatever I do, just don't go looking for other work.

I think that means I did pretty well.

On the way home I was giddy. Yes, I could relax a bit now that I was out of this scary, new environment. But more than that, damnit, I was glad to have worked a day as a professional designer in a professional design studio. Finally. I've been worrying and anxiously waiting for that day since I found out I was accepted at ACAD. Every day, "I'm doing this, I'm going to school and working hard so that I can get a proper position and start a career as a professional." Well okay, I may not have a full time position just yet, but I've managed a pretty big step in the right direction, thank you very much. I think I have half a calf through the door, never mind a mere foot. To say that I felt/feel like a weight has been lifted is a disservice. I felt a tangible, physical sense relief sweep through me.

Damn, what a good feeling. Finally.

And then, of course, the doubt set in. I was given a project to develop a mural for inside the office, and my point of contact was none other than the Chief Creative Director in Toronto. Holy crap. I'm not ready for this. I'm only suited for basic masking in Photoshop and making boring things move in After Effects. Worse yet, the CCD was expecting to see my concept pitch book within a day and a half.

I knew it. I should've known I wasn't cut out for this work. It was all too good to be true, and now I was about 36 hours away from being fired for incompetency. They'd find out I'm a sham, and I'd feel like an idiot for trying. And I might eventually build up the courage to try again, but it'll be difficult.

But fortunately for me, not to long ago I had watched a certain TED Talk by Amy Cuddy about body language and confidence. And while that was all well and good and quite interesting, what I seemed to take away from it was "fake it until you make it". Surely enough, that dumb little mantra that I've so often rolled my eyes at was the only thing that got me through the day until I got that concept book submitted. It was a real grind, but the only reason I finished up that book was because I decided all I could do was put on my best impression of a designer that was capable and knew what they were doing. I was a bit of a mess when I got home that night, but I survived one more day.

The next morning, my boss told me that the CDD was really happy with my work. He didn't really end up using any of what I've done, mind you, but I was glad I was able to impress the big guy in the company. It's only been two weeks, but I've got a desk and keys and a company email address and my own extension. I'll even be working a full week this week to cover for someone on vacation. And I'll be doing it again for someone going on paternity leave for a week.

Of course, I'm still petrified that I'll screw something up and that this is all temporary. The money is too good. It's only a matter of time before I really screw up something good. It's funny; I've been worrying about this opportunity for so long that I have a hard time believing it. I guess it's just in my nature to be a bit paranoid or skeptical. I'm definitely a believe-it-when-I-see-it kind of person. Hell, I was afraid to entertain the notion that I'd actually go to New York until I finally made it through airport security. But because employment like this is going to be an ongoing schtick, it's a lot harder to draw some finite line where I know I'm safe. I want to tell myself that line lies at the threshold of becoming a full-time employee, but I know that skepticism will lurk in the back of my mind even then. I'm sure I'll settle into it eventually. For now I'm still just a bit too worried to totally lean back in my seat.

That's alright, though. I'll just keep faking it and get paid to fake it. I can keep going like this for some time, I think.

There's been an unexpected side-effect of all this, though. I've come down with a severe case of consumer lust. I want a car. A computer. An apartment. New phone. Messenger bag. Games. Clothes. Everything. It seems like the exact same instant a single stitch has been pulled my pauper-like frugal fixation, the whole damn shirt just evaporates into a ball of thread I've happily tossed over my shoulder. I want it all. It's dumb and it annoys me to no end how impatient I've become for the wealth of the material world. I'm not making a ridiculous amount of money by any stretch of the imagination, but for a single guy it should be more than enough to live on. And yet there are student loans to pay off and retirement to save for and all that nonsense. Proper adult stuff to worry about. I've gone for so long pinching pennies that I'm dying to get up out of the cardboard box of frugality that I've been living in, stretch my arms out, and casually  point to the world before declaring, "Yeah, I'll take one of those and one of those. Heck, why not one of each?" I want it all. Do I need it all? Absolutely not. But I want it.

I bought a (not cheap) pie that other day on my way home for work, and I didn't even feel bad about it.

I've become a monster.

But for now I'm a monster professionally employed as a designer. I'm even referred to as a member of "the creative team". It makes me smile every time.
-Cril

I’ve tried to cut these corners
Try to take the easy way out
I kept on falling short of something

I coulda gave up then but
Then again I couldn’t have ’cause
I’ve traveled all this way for something

I take it in but don’t look down

Imagine Dragons - On Top of the World