An Expectational Realignment

In the precious summer months between the eleventh and twelfth grades of my public education, I kinda imploded. My personality started to take a sudden and harsh turn towards the introverted, which was expedited by the onset of a pretty brutal episode of depression. When I got back into class for my final year of highschool I was utterly overwhelmed and hopeless. I just couldn't cope with my new reality, so after I had withdrawn from social activities and all other optional expectations, I started to withdraw from the onslaught of waking life by sleeping 16-18 hours every day. This lasted for about a week, I think, before I finally bottomed out. I decided to gut my class schedule and fill up on spares, peer tutoring, and work experience. Anything to get me away from my peers and the standard grind.

One of the courses I decided to dump was Math; while I was a solid B+/A- student, the course work had gotten too abstract and tedious. I knew I could still probably do it, but like a sinking ship, I was rabidly ejecting all non-essentials in an effort to keep my head above water. I remember passing my math prof, Mr Watson, in the halls after I had dumped his class. He looked at me and quizzically asked if I was sure I was doing the right thing. I don't remember my response, to be honest, but his parting words kinda stuck around: "Okay, well, I just don't know what universities will still take you in if you don't have your math credits..."

And I mean, that was the whole point to this school thing, right? Get good grades so you can enroll at a university for four years, and come out the other side with a degree. Get yourself a respectable career position, so then you can choose a dining room set for the new house, send postcards from your exotic vacations, pick up a set of untouched keys from the dealership, and start an education fund for your kids so they can do it all over again.

A couple months ago I started a financial plan with an adviser at my bank. We looked at my accounts. We looked at my expenses. We looked at some superficial flashcards that identified different categories of what I valued. Then she went on vacation and I went to see her a month and a half later to get my results.

$1600 a month. I need to save $1600 a month, every month, for the next 400 months so that I can retire at 65 with an income slightly above the bare minimum. I will not be spending my golden years by going on yearly cruises to Mexico or buying a new beige Camry or having breakfast at the corner cafe five days a week while griping about politicians. No, my retirement will get me a vacation every couple years, enough to keep a used car on the road, and maybe keep a simple gaming computer running. Not poverty by any stretch, but maybe two and a half steps up from that. And it's going to only cost me $640,000!

The real kicker? I need to be saving $1600/mo on top of an almost maxed-out retirement account.

So I did some number crunching. Let's assume that I'm working a job that pays a slightly above-average $65,000 a year, of which I get to keep about $52,000 after tax. Let's further assume that I spend about $2000 a month on the necessities - rent, utilities, food, clothing, basic transportation. That means that after our dear long-term companion Retirement Savings takes its regular contribution, I'm left with $750 a month. If I want to eat out, see a movie, get a new sofa, go on vacation, buy a new computer, save for a car, feed/clothe a child, it all has to come out of that $750. That's not a lot of breathing room there.

And my thoughts turn back to that innocuous comment about getting into university, and I get so... mad. We were sold a story: get the education, the job, and everything else will take care of itself. The problem is that this wonderful narrative was authored way back in the 50's, where a single salary position could afford the new car and house and yearly vacation with a bit of room to spare. Back in the 50's when you could actually live on a minimum wage job and benefit plans were plentiful.

My financial planner said, "Oh, don't worry - you are in fantastic shape compared to most people I see your age. You have nothing to worry about. Maybe when it comes time to switch jobs, consider finding one that offers a pension or some sort of matching financial contributions!"

Wait, what? Two things:

a) Where the hell do you get a pension these days? The only people I know of that have one work for the government (health, education, libraries, municipalities, etc). None, and I mean absolutely none of the people I know working in my industry have a pension.

b) What does this mean for people who aren't in as good of a position as I am? I have siblings and friends that are just getting by and struggling just to become debt free, never mind saving for retirement. And in some cases, never mind even moving out of their parents' house. How the hell are they going to save for retirement? How much will they need to put away every month? Something tells me it's going to be way, way more than $1600 a month.

I just feel so... Lied to. God damn. It's like we were sold this ideal that if you worked hard and got an okay job you wouldn't have to stress about all this. That you'd have what you need to live your life and save and not put yourself on a strict budget just so that you could afford to not work some day. And maybe that was once the case, but it sure as hell isn't any more. And in 30-40 years, we are going to have some serious problems as people realize that it's stupid expensive to not work all the way into your early 70's. I don't know very many people my age who are on top (or even remotely aware) of what they need to be doing. This is terrifying.

And the people I know who have pensions? I'm not so convinced that they recognize what they have, man. They don't realize how rare and valuable such a thing is. You have a steady job with a pension? That's worth an extra $18,000 a year on top of your salary. That is good money my friend, so don't let go of it.

Do you know that a person working in a sales/retail position in 1968 was making today's equivalent of $54,000 a year? That's right, someone with no post secondary degree at all would be earning about 10% more than someone now with a bachelor's degree.

My financial adviser made chipper suggestion: I could drop that $1600 monthly amount to just $800! All I have to do is take all the other savings I've put away since I graduated and lock it in for retirement! Wow, so easy!

Holy hell. All I have to do is say goodbye to every penny I'd saved for a new car or a trip to Europe. All I have to do to start living my life is give up on any progress I'd made over the last couple years and start over again. That just hurts... but I'm not sure if it hurts more or less than that extra $800/mo I wouldn't have to be putting away.

I went into the whole financial planning thing stupidly hoping to get a bit of release. That someone would tell me, "Wow, your extreme financial anxiety has really paid off, and you're in awesome shape for retirement! You just need a couple hundred a month and you're all good - you can relax now, and start living your life!" I kinda just wanted to hear that it would be okay and I finally didn't need to spend each decision stumbling around under the shadow of, "YOU NEED TO SAVE, YOU NEED TO SAVE MORE YOU IDIOT."

Alas, no release. Just a rude awakening. Yes, I guess I'm in 'good shape' or whatever that simplistically optimistic lady at the bank says... But it sure as hell doesn't feel like it. $1600 a month is not a little bit of money, especially just to unlock a late, simple retirement. It's just so discouraging to know that I've trudged this far only to remain such a dauntingly barren distance from anything I could call home free.

And it makes me that much more afraid for those I care about that aren't in very 'good shape'. Comparatively, I feel really, stupidly lucky.

But when you take a step back, it all just kinda... Sucks.
-Cril

So your home town's bringing you down
Are ya drowning in the small talk and the chatter?
Or you gonna step into line like your daddy done
Punching the time and climbing life's long ladder?

You've been howling at the moon like a slack jawed fool
And breaking every rule they can throw on
But one of these days it's gonna be right soon
You'll find your legs and go and stay gone

Young man, full of big plans and thinking about tomorrow
Young man, gonna make a stand
You beg, steal, you borrow
Ya beg, ya steal, ya borrow

Ray LaMontagne - Beg Steal or Borrow

The Infinity Genre

Seems like Avengers: Infinity War is on track to be some kinda film of the box office record breakin' variety. I've been a bit over the super hero movie format for a couple years now. Not that they're bad movies, but I feel like the formula is starting to show a bit. Let me know if this sounds familiar:

Good-looking, brash, man of privilege suffers from excessive pride. Suddenly, an unfortunate life changing event due to his own hubris. But he overcomes the trial and evolves into the making of a hero. But egads! A villain emerges and defeats our new hero. With the help of his plucky sidekick(s), Mr Hero learns a lesson in humility and to trust others, which lets him toughen and finally defeat the bad guy! He's stronger than he ever was before! The world is his burrito! Fade to credits.

I mean, some of the particulars change, but this pretty much describes Thor, Dr Strange, and Iron Man. Not that any of those movies were bad (well, the original Thor was kinda weak), but that one Hollywood Script Workshop I attended back at ACAD has really lead me to recognizing some familiar patterns and archetypes, so I end up feeling like I've seen some of these films more times than I already have. But if you can check your brain at the door and enjoy the good quips, clever visuals, and impressive fight scenes, hey - you're in for a fun flick. They're not bad movies, but the genre as a whole is quickly becoming saturated. And don't even get me started on DC's mess.

That all being said, after some prompting from a friend I decided I'd see Infinity War in theatre. Given my general state of Superhero Fatigue, I haven't seen the new Spiderman, Ant Man, the second Thor, or Black Panther. But last week I watched Thor: Ragnarok in anticipation, mainly to figure out what was going on with the One-Eyed Pirate Sparky Viking Man. Again, it was a decent flick. The use of Immigrant Song was a brilliant and inspired choice, but it wrote cheques that sadly the rest of the soundtrack could not cash.

A few days later, we went to Infinity War. It was fun! A good movie. It was very, very impressive how they managed to balance so many characters and plotlines into one cohesive story. Truly, those screen writers deserve some HUGE credit. That being said... the underlying structure poked through in places and I had a few little beefs:

• It was really, painfully obvious that Dr. Strange and Iron Man are the same character (structurally speaking). With such a huge cast, it's not surprising that multiples of the archetype are going to have to pair up at some point. But damn, I wasn't expecting it to be so obvious.
• I'm getting kinda tired of The Hulk having problems switching between his different states. It's feeling like a bit of an overused crutch to give him a basic character arch.
• Why did Thor have to get his eyeball back? Felt like such a step backwards for his character development - leaving him with the eyepatch was such a great symbol that the character has some literal battlescars and is evolving. But, hey, gotta keep them heroes in pristine marketable condition, am I right?
• The fight scene editing sucks. Why does everything have to be so quick and spastic? Can't we just enjoy some choreography and characters doing cool things instead of "HEY GUYS I HEAR YOU LIKE ACTION SO LOOK AT ALL THE ACTION ACTION ACTION! WE HAD TO CRAM FIVE INDISCERNIBLE CUTS WITHIN TWO SECONDS TO FIT IN ALL THE ACTION! SO MUCH ACTION!"
• The latest Iron Man suit is lame. Yeah, I get it, they want the character to keep evolving and being more badass than the last time. But something something nanotechnology and now he's just an armoured shape shifter. Kinda defeats the appeal of the original character for me when he can grow massive legs and shields at his every whim, instead of being bound by the human tools he's brought to the fight.
• Green screens. Green screens and CGI characters everywhere, doing green screen and CGI character things. I know it's due to the pursuit of making every movie more visually impressive and crazy than the last... But at this point I'm starting to feel like it's all just fluff without any heft or concequence. I mean, yeah, the quality is good and groundbreaking and all that, but it makes me wonder how the visuals will compare ten years from now... Will it feel like Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow?
• Soundtrack. What sound track? There was a glimmer of life when the Guardians of the Galaxy crew appeared, and then that was it. Rather disappointing. I think Christopher Nolan/Hans Zimmer has spoiled me as to what I expect from a blockbuster.
• So many taboo semi-secret romances between co-workers! Again, on it's own its fine. But when you put all these franchises next to each other, it makes you raise your eyebrows at how... similar many of them are.

And then... There was the ending. Fair warning, we are going knee deep in a vat of gooey purple spoiler marmalade here, so back out if that kind of thing smells too gooey for your tastes.

I wish, I hope that the writers have the balls to stick by their decision. But they don't. Okay, so, many characters are killed off with a literal snap of the finger. Those moments when they die were really well written and acted... Spiderman being afraid and apologizing as he blew away? So, so good. Too bad that none of it matters.

Okay, so they thoroughly established that Dr. Strange is not going to mess around with the Infinity Stone in his care, and what we know from his movie, he's willing to undergo an endless assault of death and pain to do what he has to. So we automatically know that he wouldn't just hand it over to save the Mighty Morphin' Iron Man. Therefore, he gave it over because this was the only scenario where they could stop Thanos. Which means all of these deaths are going to be undone, and it's so painfully obvious that it hurts. Most likely Thanos will rewind time to get Gomorrah back, or the Avengers will find a way to get the stone and rewind time themselves.

Looking at the list of upcoming Marvel movies in preproduction, the theory is pretty much confirmed. All the major characters that die are slated for more movies.

So the comic book wheel of "OMG DRASTIC IRREVERSIBLE CHANGES/THE STATUS-QUO HAS BEEN RESTORED!" spins on. It's all just so... Capitalistic. Gotta sell them movie tickets and merch, yo. It's funny when Creating Value for Shareholders turns out to be a spoiler in and of itself. It's all just kinda disappointing from a storytelling perspective. It especially frustrates me how this ending was used as a cliffhanger when it's so damn obvious that the deaths don't really matter because it'll be reversed. Lame.

Alright, so, predictions:

Iron Man's obviously gonna die. The talk of starting a family, continually abandoning Pepper to do Nanobot Man Things, his previous Jesus moments, the fact that RDJ has been doing this character for so long... Yeah, his number's up. Maybe Thor and Cap Amurka and Black Widow will join him too. I almost wonder if they were all spared by Thanos' finger snappage dust flakes so that we can give them a proper sendoff before they get more heroic deaths. Afterall, they do need to make room for Captain Marvel and whoever else to refresh the lineup. Maybe we'll see a Lady Thor and Lady Iron Odo Man if those franchises are too profitable to just throw away.

If most of these characters don't even die and just get a happy ending retirement, I'll be supremely impressed at how gutless the writers (and/or studio execs) are.

So just to recap: Infinity War (and all the other Marvel flicks) are not bad movies. But when you put all the elements next to each other, it becomes apparent how they're using/abusing the same storytelling conventions over and over and over again. It all starts to feel too familiar, and I'm kinda burnt out on the genre. I'm not really emotionally invested in any of the characters, and part of me just wants to see how it ends and have the fad over with.

That being said, there were two things in the movie that stood out to me as being rather intriguing.

First was Thanos. They get points for making a somewhat empathetic villain with motivations aside from greed and/or ultimate power for its own sake. Dude's legit trying to save the universe (albeit through some fairly flawed logic), just like the Avengers are. He respects his enemies and loves his 'family'. I really, really want him to have a change of heart and reverse time and undo everything just to satisfy an unquenchable sense of grief. But he won't - that doesn't make for good action sequences that you can put into trailers.

The second thing I really, really liked was Thor. In particular I was intruiged by his thirty-second monologue near the beginning of the movie where he speaks of how he can't be killed because of his destiny. I'm oddly fixated by the concept of this strong, formidable warrior king who's a knowing slave to his own malevolent fate. I want to see a weary, tired, disillusioned, battle-scarred Thor, his civilization long since perished, plowing through enemy after enemy with increasing reckless abandon. I want to see a Thor that is obsessed with finding the one enemy that's meant to kill him so he can finally stop fighting.

I know, that's kinda dark. Too dark for the Marvel brand, probably. But the concept is oddly fascinating to me, and offers a bit of a diversion from the expected structure/flow of these movies and character arcs.

Anyways, it's safe to say that I'll be seeing the next Infinity War movie. It'll be interesting to see how right/wrong I am about my predictions, and I hope that I'll be pleasantly surprised by something. If not, hey, it'll make for a good watch-and-forget flick.
-Cril