This indifferent malaise of a Summer is moving on. Autumn is taking his place, and despite her brilliant coat, she always rolls right over to offer her soft neck to Winter. It won't be long. Another season of change has arrived.
And I feel the same, except for this pebble of discomfort in the shoes of my soul. I mean, I'm doing things, technically. I'm trying out therapy, I'm on drugs. Every Sunday I religiously attend to my hobby at the altar of the engine stand. Oil is the blood, and the body is the... body. And I partake faithfully.
Plus there's home cooking, date night, cats, freelance projects, and the ever-present sludge of unsatisfying video games that seep into any remaining crevasses of free time. I need to find a game to play that I actually enjoy. Anyways, my point is that I'm staying occupied.
And yet the dry rustle of leaves on the branch make me too aware of the change going on everywhere around me, but not within me. I get this way every once and a while; the best way to describe it is that I want something. Something frustratingly undefined. Should I splurge on a fancy game or piece of tech or a car in order to cure the unease? Maybe I need a new hobby. Maybe I need to write more (why, hello there).
There'll be some birthdays, nauseating elections, media releases, and more than a few holidays to look forward to as the year draws to a close. It all seems very exciting, but it's like I'm looking at it through a frosted pane of glass. I know something interesting is going on, yet my lack of ability to engage prevents me from really caring one way or another. It's tiring.
I'm going in circles here over what could be summed up as the words 'unfulfilled', 'melancholy', and 'discouraged'. I don't know what else I can add to this. I just wish I knew what to do with what I feel.
-Cril
She's been down in the dunes
And she's dealt with the goons
Now she drinks from a bitter cup
I'm trying to get her to give it up
She was just here, I fear she can't be there no more
And as my mind unweaves
I feel the freeze down in my knees
But just before she leaves, she receives
The Band - Chest Fever
