Lose it in a Minute

It was another late-ish night on campus again. A pretty hefty part of a project is due tomorrow, and I didn't quite have it beat yet. So after today's class was wrapped up, I headed upstairs to a studio, commandeered a desk, and got setup.

A few hours in, I broke out some instant noodles that I carry around in the scariest depths of my backpack for just this sort of occasion. Ah, good ol' cuppa noodles. Not nutritious or delicious. It's only redeeming value is that it's cheap. Which, when you think about it, means that it's most valuable characteristic is that it isn't very valuable.

Alas, while I was there slurping my craptacular noodle-based soup substance, tick-ticking with the mouse and klackity-klacking with the keyboard, I experienced a peculiar epiphany. This post-secondary education thing is pretty badass.

Don't get me wrong - I still am not a fan of it. I can't deny the ways it's improved my work eithic and time management skills, but I don't think it's positively adding to my general well-roundness or mental health. If it were possible to land a decent job without it, I'd love to do without my 4 year internment. For whatever reason, though, I still find myself spending late evenings such as these in barren quarters, working on projects I'd rather not do.

[Look at all these short, disjointed paragraphs. I need to learn how to write half-competently]

You know what, though? This is probably going to be one of the cooler things I'll do with my life. Think about it - I'm spending 40hrs a week in a building devoted solely to learning and practicing the visual language. That's dedication, yo. And not in the "Look at how much time and effort I'm putting into this" kind of way, but the "I'm spending this entire time thoroughly learning every nook and cranny of this discipline". And this probably goes for all post-secondary pursuits, but, because it's something I'm personally inclined towards, I'm somehow under the notion that this particular field is special. I'm attending an art school. Full time.

I know that since I've started attending, 'Art School' has lost a lot of its magic and mystique. But, really, it's still pretty darn neat. Trades and technical schools are all around the place, but an institution focused on visual language across multiple mediums is a lot less common. I don't think nearly as many people out there experience art school versus a university or college. Not to put either of those down - their fields of expertise is just as, if not more, legitimate pursuits of knowledge and ability. There's a very strong case to be made that they are way more legitimate, given the nature of many Fine Arts pursuits.

Where was I? I'm not even sure. But it's neat to step back and realize how lucky and privileged I am to be where I am. I don't even enjoy school that much. Here I am, though. Doing my four years dedicated to one particular corner of one out of a bajillion disciplines. Heck - most graphic design students will probably only attend a 1 or 2 year program, just long enough to learn the tools and basic concepts. Will they ever learn about the unseen beauty of negative space? Will they get to spend an entire month working on how to modernize an older design style? Will they come to know colour with the same intimacy of an entire course devoted to creating painted charts with each cell painted in a hue specifically mixed by hand? Will they understand how little the technical skill is important, and how it's all about how elements are balanced?

Hell, I don't even know if I'll truly know all those things. I'm not even remotely gifted at what I do. I'm not sure if I'm particularly talented or clever. Most days it's all I can do to hold on by my fingernails, as fatigue and stress tug at the corners. But one thing is for sure - what I'm doing here, now, and for the next couple of years... Is nothing short of hardcore.
-Cril

Lung of love leaves me breathless
Tongue of fool lap me in enmity
Four walled secret lies among the hessian
And a flicker of the future could've saved the cindered sister
And I'm motioning still they stand inside me
And moments until the one I leave
Colourless I kiss her cold forehead I feel life
Lose it in a minute and the ones to come feel too far to care
And I'm motioning still they stand inside me
And moments until the one I leave
People concertina to my private magic lantern move for me
With the senses all inclusive in the theatre of triggered memories

Frou Frou - Flicks

Too Much

I have two more quick additions to my list of things I discovered during 2010.

• I am incredibly politically apathetic. It's probably safe to say I'll never vote for the Bloc Quebecois, but aside from that I don't think I have a reason to vote. New faces and names with dazzling campaign promises. They get into office, and it's just the same crap we've been seeing for the last few years. As far as I can tell, candidates get into office for some combination of the money, perks, power, and prestige. It's not quite so noble or ideal as the "servant of the public" title leads you to believe. Mind you, I think this is in very large part due to the unavoidable exposure to US politics, which are all sorts of corrupt and backwards. So I have very little idea of what's going on in my country, which is compounded by the complete lack of interest in paying attention to political news. All I know about my local representative is that he was the RIAA/MPAA's slut for introducing some DRM-tastic legislation to the country, and that he jumped ship to make more money as a board member for a national bank. So I haven't been voting, as a conscious decision. For two reasons - first, I'm incredibly ignorant when it comes to politics. My uninformed decision should not carry any weight, and it would be disrespectful to my country's ideals to vote just for the sake of casting a ballot. And the second reason I don't vote is because what little I do know about politics leaves me so incredibly jaded that I can't bring myself to throw support behind any given candidate. But I recently discovered something new - I can intentionally spoil a ballot. I don't know why it hasn't occurred to me before. Apparently they even track the number of spoiled votes. This appeals to me. I can exercise my democratic privilege without supporting a candidate I don't favour or giving weight/power to my uninformed views. Works for me. Next time an election happens, I'll be going to the polls with a purpose other than because it's what the people around me want me to do.
• Reddit > Digg. It was simultaneously startling and entertaining to watch Digg fall to pieces my infusing their front page with syndicated/publisher crap. The site became immediately useless. But I stuck around and watched it unfold for a few days. At one point, the homepage was absolutely dominated by user-submitted stories from Reddit that had been republished on Digg. So I checked out the site and was... Pleasantly surprised. What's this? Semi-intelligent discussions? More interesting, less idiotic submissions? What really got me was the great sense of community. Members banding together to donate to good causes, give helpful advice, doing favours. The secret Santa gift exchange is the best example, where literally thousands of people from around the globe send presents to people they've never known, in good faith that someone else will do likewise in return. So, yes, it's just a website. But I gotta say, it's a pretty cool one at that.
  

That pretty much sums it up. Anyways, I started school on Friday. I think I could have used another week of break, because it felt like I had never left. Back to the grind. I'm hopeful for this semester, though, because I'll have one less studio class. It'll give me a full day off every week, which I hope I can use to spend some time at work. 10hrs a week isn't much, but it's better than nothing. It won't make ends meet in and of itself, but the ends will be slightly closer together than they otherwise would be.

In other news, my headphones are busted, I think my iPod is on its last legs, my car has a ECT Circuit Malfunction and I'm not sure if the block heater is working either, I need to RMA a b0rked hard drive, my skin is falling to pieces... THIS IS NOT AN ENCOURAGING START TO THE YEAR.

I don't think I have much else to say. So I'll just say one more time that bit about how I wish I had another week of winter break. There was just so much to do that I never got around to. Alas, I guess this is part of being grown-up, and it'd be rather naive to ask for a "week off". I think what I really had the hardest part with is how much time I spent with other people. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed spending time with good people, but... I'm an introverted animal. I really could've used some more alone/down time than I got. Ah well. Life still goes on, I presume.
-Cril

Floating down the stream of time
Of life to life with me
Makes no difference where you are
Or where you'd like to be

It's all too much for me to take
The love that's shining all around here
All the world is birthday cake
So take a piece, but not too much

The Beatles - Too Much

2010 Retrospective, 2011... Forwardspective

By now we're all sick of the 'BEST OF 2010' and 'WHAT TO EXPECT IN 2011' lists. Which is precisely why I'm going to throw my version into the mess, with the intent that it'll be completely overlooked by everyone. It's more for my own reference and peace of mind, really.

So, twenty-ten. What did it all mean to me?

• I discovered that I still don't care for the Olympics, even if they're happening in my home province. I guess I'm kinda glad we won the gold medal for hockey, which is rather cliche given my nationality, but aside from that... I didn't watch any coverage. Just a web recording of the last 5mins of the game.
• Finished the first year of my degree. It was a bit of a shock to be back at school, and the fact that it was an art school certainly put a... unique spin on things. I think the toughest part was the work load - the year of general studies I took at another institution was an absolute cakewalk by comparison. Which isn't exactly what you'd expect from an art school. Well, I suppose things would have been drastically different had I pursued fine arts.
• Alas, I got accepted into the Visual Communication Design program. It seemed like such a hurdle at the time - a massive weight on my shoulders, and I really could not figure out which was I wanted the decision to go. It's nice to know that, to some degree, I was deemed by instructors to have sufficient skill to go further. But at the same time, it's so easy to speculate where I could be right now if I had been rejected and no longer went to school. A world of possibilities would lay before me, but I can't deny I've grown substantially in the mean time...
  
• It was undoubtedly my greatest year of artistic development, particularly for drawing. Now, I haven't really done a proper post-mortem on the Fall 2010 semester, and being so late in the winter break there probably won't be one. But for the sake of drawing, the last three assignments in my illustration class went a lil' like this: The best graphite drawing I've ever done got a decent grade, followed by the best ink drawing I've ever done got a pretty good grade, and then finally the best digital piece I've ever done got a pretty awesome grade. How's that for progression? Going into it, I knew that each piece was the best I'd done for the respective medium, and then I received the grades that backed up my theory. Compare it to crap like this, and, well... There ain't much left to say. I'm no illustrator genius by any stretch of the imagination, and those three pieces above were nothing short of painful to make. But I don't think I would have ever imagined being as good as I am now. Alas, that was the last drawing/illustration class I'll have to take for the program, so maybe I'll plateau here. My one big regret is that I never developed my own visual style. But hopefully I can keep drawing a bit in my spare time (watch this space for the untriumphant return of sketch-a-day once the summer rolls around), and make some more (albeit minor) progressions.
  
• This is the first year that my savings account has had a severe thrashing. On the plus side, I spent a record low for entertainment on myself over the past twelve months. My essential expenditures, however, are somewhat... Staggering. Well, ok, that isn't too much of an issue. I think it was my inability to work during this fall semester that created the problem. It's rather alarming, even though my calculations/estimates were fairly close and I saw it coming. Knowing that my savings are rapidly evaporating sets off certain alarms in my head. All of the sudden every single cost feels double, and every price tag looks bigger than it should be. THAT'S GOT TO BE INFLATION, RIGHT? No, it's just me becoming poorer.
• All things considered, workload-wise, it's probably been my most intense year to date. With the exception of two months in the summer at 60hrs/wk, the rest of the time I've been clocking between 60-80hrs on work and school. I remember getting my knickers in a twist a few years ago where I had to work ten hours a day for a couple weeks during the Christmas rush. That's peanuts in comparison to what I'm doing now.
• I celebrated the 5th anniversary of employment at my current job. I've moved up in the ranks from washing the floor and packing shipments to doing graphic design, managing web content, and running a $20,000 piece of machinery. I think I've even doubled my hourly wage, which is pretty nice.
  
• I discovered that I am, in fact, a mortal being. I went to a family reunion in the summer, and seeing all the old faces and watching as my grandmother cleared out to sell the house my father grew up in... It struck home. My grandmother is an old lady who can't take care of a big house. My father is an older man who can't stay awake in a theater. The hair on my mom's head is starting to thin out. If they're getting old... I'm getting old too. Heck, I couldn't even remember what my age was when my birthday rolled around.
• In fact, I thought I was turning a year older than I actually was. I think that on some level I was hoping this slightly older age would provide a legitimate reason for the distance in between me and my classmates. Instead... The truth is that I'm just more mature, I guess. I roll my eyes at the lewd jokes, don't understand how the stories of getting absolutely drunk are told so joyfully, and the thought of going to a party completely uninterests me. It kinda sucks, in a way, because I feel so detached from everyone around me. Classmates go for a round of beer after class, and I... Skip supper and stay on campus until midnight doing homework. And, of course, they relentlessly make fun of me for being the way I am. I never hear the end of it for being 'on top' of things. Who knows, maybe I'm mature or maybe I'm just a loser. Some days, in that setting, I really can't tell the difference.
• I made my largest technological purchase - a laptop. I hate it. Well, not the laptop itself, but the concept of it. I'd much be at my desktop, where I am now, to do my work. But it's a necessary evil tool, so I stick it out.
• I've rediscovered the Beatles. Particularly their later works. This happened after spending a lot of time with a classmate who absolutely loves their last albums. It's like seeing something very old through a new set of eyes - my perspective has been turned on its head. I thought they were just weird songs (and, indeed, some of them are). But given the context, it completely reaffirms to me the talent of the four musicians. If you haven't recently, listen to the entirety of Abbey Road in the track order that was intended. Maybe it'll completely underwhelm you. But for me, like I'm listening to it now... It's total magic and a testiment to musical genius.

I think that's about it in the way of personal epiphanies. So, like any end-of-year article, I need a 'best of' list. So here we go. (Warning: Be prepared to be bombareded by completely ignorant and uninformed opinions. I haven't played that many games, listened to that many albums, or seen that many movies over the course of the year)

Favourite Album of 2010: Circle by Scala and the Kolacny Brothers
It has a great selection of tracks, all wonderfully arranged with powerful delivery. See Champagne Supernova for a prime example. A runner-up for favourite album released this year might be the Inception soundtrack produced by Hans Zimmer. Ok Go's Of the Blue Colour of the Sky was alright, with a small handful of catchy tunes. The Barenaked Ladies' All in Good Time... Broke my heart. It's a good musical effort, with good writing and performances, but it just isn't the same without Steven Page. Kudos to the band for still pluggin', though. (Disclaimer: These four albums are the only ones I have in my music library for 2010)

Favourite Film of 2010: Inception
Blew. My. Mind. I've never been riveted to the edge of my seat like that before - I couldn't believe how intense and weird and utterly engrossing the movie was all the way through. I don't know enough about cinematography to make an informed statement, but I love Christopher Nolan's films, and this was one of his best. They're certainly different than the rest of the crap usually churned out by Hollywood. Aside from that... Toy Story 3 was very well made. It was hilarious and sensitive to its origins. Tron Legacy was a solid sci-fi flick, and its visuals were certainly striking. The original Tron was a little bit before my time, though, so I didn't quite have that emotional connection. But the sequel was a good movie on its own. Except for CGI Jeff Bridges. The 'C' in 'CGI' must stand for 'crap'. Aaand what else? Oh, Iron Man 2. The plot was a bit of a mess, and the characters didn't really develop at all. The whole movie seemed like a cheap excuse to string some action scenes together. (Disclaimer: these are all the films I've seen that were released in 2010)

Favourite Television Show of 2010: Top Gear
I mean, common, like you even had to ask. (Disclaimer: It's the only TV show that aired in 2010 that I've watched more than two episodes of)

Favourite Game of 2010: Battlefield Bad Company 2
The single player was pretty... Generic. It wasn't terrible by any stretch of the imagination, but it certainly lacked that certain something to make it notable. The multiplayer, however, is incredible. The infantry and vehicle balance is spot-on, the action is focused (I'm especially partial towards Rush mode), the visuals are gorgeous, and the environment damage is FANTASTIC. I've probably written about it before, but it bears repeating. It changes how you view the, uh, battlefield and plan your tactics. I think it's my favourite multiplayer game since TF2, being worth the price of admission even without the singleplayer. The closest contender for top spot is Assassin's Creed II, for it's wonderful story and fun gameplay mechanics. The visuals and presentation are pretty nice too. But I got totally sucked in with the plot, compelling environment and enjoyable gameplay. I also played Splinter Cell Conviction, which felt like a slightly more shallow modern equivalent of AC2. But fun nonetheless. And, had Ubisoft not bundled these with atrocious and useless DRM that I can't bring myself to support, I would have purchased these two titles in a heartbeat. You know, like I did with Bad Company 2.

But moving on, Dirt 2 would be another runner up. Like Grid, Codemasters excels at capturing the excitement of the experience. I don't really have any other way to describe it, really. The graphics and gameplay are solid. I don't think there are any mechanics that make me go "WOW!!", but it's simply one of the most exhilarating racing games I've ever played. Batman Arkham Asylum comes next. It's just a fantastic brawler that really makes you feel like the Dark Knight - the detective, the predator, and warrior. (Disclaimer: These last two were technically released in 2009, but I bought/played them in 2010, so I figured I'd just throw them in to pad my list)

And what of the next year? Twenty-eleven, is it?

I'll get more than half way through my degree. And I will, uh, uhm... That's all I got, really. That's the only noteable thing I can forsee for the upcoming year.

If I were the kind to make New Year's resolutions, I'd say that this year I'd like to play my instruments more. And read more. And make sure I post here more, write in my journal more, go for more walks, do more chores around the house, do more sketches, call my family more, play more games with my friend and brother... And who wouldn't want to do these things? It's funny, because I've come to this divide where the limiting factor isn't a lack of motivation or discipline or money, but a lack of time. Maybe I'll make some headway with these when the summer rolls around, but until then it's all about school and work. I guess that's a goal for every year - do okay in school, don't go broke. And those two seem to override everything else. I feel really bad about not playing my instruments, though. I think that one will get bumped up to the next position in the priority list, if the occasion presents itself. But I really should write more too... Argh.

I can't remember why, but I know that 2009 sucked. But you, 2010: You were pretty unremarkable. You'll go down in my memory as... Nothing I'll have strong or significant feelings for. That is, until I wander through my blog archives to this post, and get a better idea of what actually happened. And to 2011: I really have no idea what you have in store. It looks like it'll be another bland year of getting work done and getting poorer. Too far from the beginning and too far from the end of school to be of note. Please, give me a little bit of personal time here and there - I'll take whatever I can get. Please don't let my car crap out on me - repairs are expensive and such a hassle. If my iPod finally bites the dust, let me find a cheap (yet decent) replacement so that I can still take my music with me. Please bless me with a wider perception of the world and understanding for how I'm supposed to fit into all this mess. Please give me patience and clarity and wisdom and kindness. And a lil' money wouldn't hurt here and there, if it isn't too much of a hassle. I just wanna get through to the other side and still make ends meet. Please.
-Cril

Hans Zimmer - Time