Christmas Music

There are many many reasons I'm not fond of Christmas music. Especially the kind which you hear in 95% of public places. Radio stations, store playlists, TV shows, stereo/sound system demos... The problem is that so much of this music is absolute crap. It's a cliche cover of a tired and exhausted song that lost its appeal far too long ago. But hey, if the artiste can turn a quick buck by rehashing old into something incredibly unremarkable, why not?

Why not? Because that isn't what music should be about. I don't want to hear your song unless you're trying to prove a point or exercise unique skill and talent or if you personally feel that there is some degree of merit to your creation. If you're the twelfth person I hear that day belting out "Rudolph the Reded Nose Reindeer" in that frikkin' annoying warbly voice that's so common in Pop these days... Guess what? You have no artistic integrity. You are a waste of my time. If you're not going to make an effort, why should I be subjected to your pathetic excuse to expand your bland and featureless repertoire?

Right now in my music library I have 173 Christmas songs. Four of which I have ranked a 5/5.

Elf's Lament by the Barenaked Ladies feat. Michael Buble
The song earns points for being a) original and b) not consisting of the sired and overused Christmas themes. It's essentially a song about Elves unionizing against Santa. Musically I guess it isn't anything truly spectacular. Although the trio of vocals are well balanced (Page, Robertson, and Buble) and the song is full of jaunty energy, it's relatively simple and repetitive. But as with many of the Barenaked Ladies songs that I obsess over so much, it's the lyrics that really get to you. The rhyme scheme keeps you on the toes and the subject matter is hilarious.
And I quoth:

We're used to repetition, so we drew up a petition
We, the undersigned, feel undermined
Let's redefine "employment"

We know that we've got leverage, so we'll hand the fat man a beverage
And sit back while we attack the utter lack of our enjoyment

It may be tough to swallow, but our threats are far from hollow
He may thunder, but if he blunders, he may wonder where the toys went

It's quirky, it's amusing and it's so utterly *different*.

Carol of the Bells by The Barenaked Ladies
Yes, I am quite a Barenaked Ladies fanboy of epic proportions. But you know how I said part of the reason I liked the group was for their lyrics? Well, this song ain't got none. They really are versatile musicians - this piece leans heavily on the old type of keyboard organ that your grandmother has in the basement. You know, the one with all the switches you'd play with as a child pretending your were doing something extraordinary because there's nothing else at grandma's house to do. It constantly replays the four-note melody of the piece, accompanies by the slightest percussion - nothing but soft hits of a cymbol. But as it progresses...

There's a subtle oppressive tone. It's the very last thing you'd expect from a rehash of a Christmas song, really. Then the simple vocals and guitar come in creating this wonderful polyphonic immersion. The guitar trades off for a stand-up base, the music swells... And slowly unravels into a dark ending.

It's this kind of dissonance and cacophony that completely draws me in. Sure, it's a Christmas tune... But it feels heavy and bleak. But it's not too strong - you don't come out feeling depressed so much as a slight shade of melancholy. It's so subtle and gentle. You can't quite be sure that it's there, but it silently intruiges the darker places of your mind.

God Rest Ye Marry Gentlemen by the Starlite Orchestra
My brother got a 'Big Band Christmas' CD album many years ago from one of those discount bins in Wal-Mart. Sure the style itself isn't as popular or common as it once was, but the majority of the tracks cater to a stereotypical swing-era rehash of classics. The blazing woodwinds, the strong belt-out female vocals... It's all there. A few of 'em have the allure of just being different from your everyday Christmas cover, but God Rest Ye Marry Gentlemen stands out on its own. This piece has two things in common with Carol of the Bells above. First is that it's the only other cover in my top four and second is that it likewise has no lyrics.

Being a fast paced, energetic big band piece it should be no surprise that the track only lasts 1:42. But it hits all the right movements - building up beginning foundations with trombones, a smooth and stylish saxophone section that picks up at the second verse, the blazing trumpet counter-melody that seamlessly swaps out with the saxes for melody itself. The drums cease while all three pound out their part to finish a movement, and come back in for a thick climax that lasts right through to the end with classic big band long. Slow. Single. Notes. Complete with timpani and all the trimmings.

The arrangement is done so well and the song itself is such a excellent fit for a swing rhythm. It comes together and meshes flawlessly, and no matter what section your pick out to listen to it all sounds tight, on time, and punctuated. A really talented group of musicians. The rest of the album reeks of fitting a specific criteria, but this one captures all the element of how big band music should feel.

Christmas Dreams by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra
This song is an intriguing hybrid of mesmerizing lyrics, a catchy tune and unique styling. You're hard pressed to find any kind of symphonic rocl Christmas music that isn't the Trans Siberian Orchestra. And even though this may be a well populated genre for other themes the TSO certainly has their own unique edge. Every album has a story, quite literally. All the tracks fit together to form a larger picture and it's designed to be that way. Go ahead, pick an album - each one has a written plot to tie all the unique tracks together.

But what about Christmas Dreams in particular? It's hard to say, really. A good part of it comes from the vivid and driving lyrics. Without reading the whole story or listening to the album as intended it's probably pretty hard to decipher just what the song's trying to get at. But you know it's something good:

While she awaits ever patient
She awaits rarely seen
Still her moments are taken
For in the dead of the night
Gathering light
Christmas dreams

And a tear falls upon her snow-white hair
And it runs to the end where it lingers there
Then it falls through the air of a winter's sky
Till it captures a dream and it's crystallized

Let it go!
Let it go!
This old world that I know

For soon everything will be changing
In a single glance
Where it all enchants
And every hope is worth saving

Yeah, parts of it are kinda Christmas-cutesy that make you want to roll your eyes, but the delivery is just so well done. The male vocalist has a very bold and harsh style that might come off as rather overbearing. But the inflections and stresses rise and fall with the melody to match what's taking place in the words themselves.



And that's about it, really. There are plenty of original/less-traditional Christmas tunes between the Trans-Siberian Orchestra and the Starlite Orchestra that are actually pretty solid. Finding new unconventional or innovative songs can be pretty tough - we've been so bombarded by more of the same that it feels a bit uncomfortable to look for something new or fresh to listen to. It's out there if you look for it, but you definitely would find it while strolling the isles of any given department store in December.

If I don't come 'round these parts until then, I hope everyone (re: my readership of 1.5) has a good Christmas.
-Cril

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - John Denver & Ralph