Shutterspeed

Hey Reg, it appears the camera batteries have died. By the time one has finished charging, the other (despite coming off the charger hours ago) is now flat. I can't win, they've properly given up the ghost.

It's not surprising, I guess. I bought the Canon 40D (and batteries and lenses) from you back in 2012, and I think you'd already owned and used the whole setup for a few years prior. To find that date I had to go back into my old spending records and was able to even confirm I paid you $1300 for it. I don't know why, but I correctly remembered that price all these years later. Apparently a similar setup, minus the lenses, now goes for about $150 if you're lucky. Like you mentioned, though, the glass still holds the real value.

The question is why you decided to sell me the camera in the first place. I remember you saying that your arms and wrists just couldn't take the weight any more. I think you first asked for $2000 from me, and the best I could do as a poor student was $1300. You agreed for some reason that escapes me; you knew other people in the local photography community that you could've unloaded it to for a better price. I also knew you weren't rolling in the cash at the time, and were having a hell of a time keeping that Mistubishi van of yours on the road.

Either way, you ended up selling it to me. I made three payments of $500, $400, and $400 over two months. Probably once per paycheck. You used the money to buy a little Leica, if memory serves.

I hate to admit it, but I haven't used the camera in years. I think it was last for a trip to Nova Scotia in 2018. I never really developed a 'specialty' or 'style' of photography, mostly just taking shots of opportunity where I find them. Most are unremarkable, I'm sure, but what I liked is how carrying that bulky camera bag around forced me to look at the world in a different way. To continually scan for the beauty. I never really captured it effectively, but I kept trying.

It's been difficult to lately to get back up on that horse. Over the last three or so years, doing creative tasks seems like more of a sisyphusian task. I push, push, push, and when I take a step back to look at my progress, I'm instantaneously further down the slope than where I started. I'm even having a hard time sketching. My drive seems to be withering away. After dominating so much of my life, like how I was back in 2012, it feels like I'm walking around with an empty room in my soul. Maybe there's a single picture on the wall of the young man you knew me as.

That could be why you sold the 40D to me at such a discount; you saw my drive to create just for the sake of it. Skill and reception be damned.

Do you remember our autumn drive in 2014? You loaded a coworker and I up into your van, and you took us of a tour to the south west of the city to 'appreciate the fall colours'. Man, what tall order for Alberta; that's not something it ever really excelled at. But you found us a remote dirt road in the fog, a waterfall, lonely fields, and yes, even patches of colour. You didn't take any photos yourself, but I think that trip was a bit of a passing of the torch. Or maybe you just wanted to make sure your camera went to capable hands. Hopefully it did.

But how do you explain the record player? How on earth did I end up with that? And the shells your father brought back from the Second World War. I moved a couple years ago, but I still found a place for those to be on display. As for the large format printer, well, I did my damnedest to get it to work but everything came out looking a bit green. I blew through a lot of the (rather expensive) toner reserves trying to clean and calibrate the thing, too. That might be a lost cause in my hands, so I'm considering passing it on down the line. I hope you don't hold it against me.

I'm not sure what I did to deserve some of those gifts, and I wish I could've asked why. I helped you buy and setup a new mattress once, was that it? You knew your time was coming and made sure to move your precious possessions went to people who would appreciate it. I imagine that must've been a bittersweet process. I hope I'll do the same some day, and be able to give new lives to the things I'd loved.

Anyways, this weekend I made plans with my wife to go for a day trip around Southern Alberta, much like we did those years ago. The camera tickled the back of my brain from its place on the shelf. "Yeah, but it's heavy," I told myself, "and it's not charged, and the memory cards are full of who knows what, I'll need to process whatever shots I take, and my new phone probably shoots better anyways."

But I figured I'd take out your camera anyways for this trip. Maybe because the weight and bulk and single purpose imbues a sense of responsibility. If you're lugging something like that around, you better use it. Until the batteries give out for good, at least. It was a rude awakening to realize that they were done, and how long it'd been since I last used the camera, and how long it'd been since we shared brunch at a Denny's together. It kinda makes me feel bad, like I haven't kept my end of the deal on the purchase.

I ended up bringing my smartphone and took some 'images', as you used to call them. Despite the superior technological quality, none of them really turned out well. Flawed from the get-go, I think, because I wasn't moving through and observing the world with the same intent that the big 40D bastard demands. It was a good day out nonetheless, and at one point I stopped in at a small town apothecary and picked out an old vinyl record to bring home. The player, you'll be happy to hear, is still operating just fine.

There are some new batteries available online, two for $27. I'm hesitant to buy them, because if I do, that means I'll have to use the camera and confront my lack of creativity. Maybe that's all the more reason to do it.

I miss you, Reg. I hope things are going well on the other side of wherever you are. 

And I got ahold of your old license plate from the Kia. The plan is to hang it up in the garage once I get the insulation and drywall done.

-Cril

Glenn Miller - Rhapsody in Blue

I Think I Hate the Internet Now

A friend and I were lamenting the effects of social media, so we started a little challenge to cut out all use of it for July. For me, the big hurdle was Reddit, but I've expanded the scope a bit to include anything that's algorithmically driven. Site and app blockers have been downloaded and installed to great effect.

Except for the Android news feed. If you swipe to the left of the home screen, you get a selection of recommended stories. It's never been a huge draw for me, but I like having one tiny little window open to the rest of the world. On the plus side, it doesn't have infinite scrolling, so once I get to the end I know it's time to put it away.

Some time this week I stole a quick glance at this feed and was greeted with the headline, "Interstellar 2 TRAILER starring Cillian Murphey". The thumnail featured the actor in a space helmet. I immediately wrote it off as clickbait/content slop and went about my day without even opening the link.

The problem is that Interstellar is one of my favourite movies. So it got me wondering that, just maybe, I should check to see what's going on, just in case. Determined not to give that initial fake trailer a click, I plugged "interstellar 2" into Google. The top row featured a series of recommended YouTube results: Interstellar 2, starring Matthew McConaughey! Interstellar 2, starring Cillian Murphey! Interstellar 2, starring George Clooney! And several more, each with a different leading man. Below were a bunch of enticing articles that clearly lacked any real news.

Okay, that's a dead end. But the other problem is that Christopher Nolan is one of my favourite directors (slowly being replaced by Denis Villeneuve, but that's another post). I haven't head anything about him since Oppenheimer, so, maybe I should check to see if anything is announced. I changed my search to "christopher nolan new film." The title of first result proclaimed, "Christopher Nolan's Newest Film Could be His Most Exciting Yet!" Okay, I know that modern SEO dictates that actual details are to be left out of the title to encourage clickthroughs. I'll bite.

The article had a paragraph-by-paragraph breakdown (with that remote stink of AI) of the director's filmography, summarizing each title in chronological order. Once you scroll down through Nolan's history, down, right to the bottom of the article in the last paragraph, it posits, "Some think Nolan should be tapped for the next James Bond movie. It could really be one of his most exciting movies yet!"

wat

I did all that searching and scrolling to find out nothing. Well, maybe I learned that his next project (probably) hasn't been announced yet, by process of elimination after wading through useless results only meant to capitalize on my clicks rather than answer my query. It was in that moment that I realized, holy shit, the internet really is turning into garbage. A perfect storm of AI, SEO abuse, enshitification, content slop, and all those other fabulous trends.

Excuse me a moment while I don some suspenders, let my glasses rest precariously on the edge of my nose, and teeter back and forth in a rocking chair. You see, back in my day, the internet was kind of an amazing thing. It was clunky, sure. But it was driven by people sharing their passions via message boards, horrible GeoCities sites, and an army of generic blogs (like this one). People made stuff and went through hoops to get it online just for the sake of the love of their hobby. They just wanted to share what they cared about and find other people that did too. It was beautiful, if naive.

I divide the internet into two parts. One is for infrastructure: connecting banks, delivering weather data, allowing your smart plugs to co-ordinate, and integrating giant networks around the world. Boring if not functional, it's what most of society silently runs on in the background, and can never be unwoven. The second half of the internet is the "front end"; websites and apps and social media that your average user interacts with daily.

Many moons ago, before the word 'meme' made the transition to digital, there was a song called "The Internet is For Porn". I first saw set to Star Wars footage, but this World of Warcraft example is the earliest I could find, circa 2006. Basically, the premise is all in the title, but set to music. Many yuks were had, because "porn" was a dirty word and it was fun to say it out loud. So edgy.

Now my perceptions have changed. I think that a modern interpretation would be titled, "The Internet is for Bullshit", especially when it comes to that second, public-facing side of the internet.

Social media is full of people pretending to be successful in order to be influencers. Search results are full of garbage vying for your clicks. Sites are constructed for ads before users. Content doesn't matter so much as content marketing. Yes, my friends, we've evolved past an internet merely for monetization to being geared for maximum profit. We seemed to have optimized humanity right out of the equation. We've gone from using the internet to connect people to using the internet to part those same people from their wallets.

Sure, a lot of that great, useful, uncorrupted content is out there, but it's either slowly disappearing or is being drowned out by the vast waves of other stuff. And this other stuff, which seems to be dictating the way information is stored and transmitted, is primarily comprised of varying shades of bullshit. Some of it outright lies, most of it reworked for sensationalism, all of it made to maximize the dopamine drip-feed our little lizard brains crave.

I feel like we're watching a great library rot from the inside out. And when I approach the front door I need to steel myself with the mantra, "It's all just bullshit," before stepping in. It stinks in there, but some nuggets of wisdom can still be had once sifted out from the mountains of garbage.

I'm frustrated that this is what we value now, and sad to see something that was once so pure become commodified. Maybe that's a bit over dramatic and a roaring example of nostalgia bias, but I think the sentiment holds some truth.

One thing I do know is that I'll be extending my social media/algorithm cleanse through to the end of August; the further I get from Reddit, the easier it becomes. I'm not sure what other benefits there are, but perhaps they'll take a bit longer to become obvious. I could very well keep this going indefinitely.

Which kinda sucks, because I just got a new phone and smart watch and I've barely been using them. And if/when Christopher Nolan does release a real trailer for his next real film, please let me know.

-Cril

I wanna publish 'zines
And rage against machines
I wanna pierce my tongue
It doesn't hurt, it feels fine

The trivial sublime
I'd like to turn off time
And kill my mind
You kill my mind, mind

Paranoia, paranoia
Everybody's coming to get me
Just say you never met me
I'm running underground with the moles, digging holes
Hear the voices in my head
I swear to God it sounds like they're snoring
But if you're bored, then you're boring
The agony and the irony, they're killing me

I'm not sick but I'm not well
And I'm so hot 'cause I'm in Hell
I'm not sick but I'm not well
And it's a sin to live this well

Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta

Fruit of the White Tree

So everyone's up in arms about this latest iPad commercial, which features a grand smooshing of stuff for reasons. I can see the intentions behind it: Look, all your favourite things combined into one slick (and thin) device! Amazing! Technology is the best! You should buy it! Twice, preferably.

It seems to be interpreted by the internet as: Screw all that boring physical creative stuff, why even bother?

I think the latter is a bit of a stretch. If I had to guess, it's more a ploy at fake outrage to stimulate controversy-driven engagement. It doesn't seem like a reaction proportional to a decent ad. A lot of people are lacking in media literacy if they honestly believe Apple is against physical and traditional creative endeavors. They have a long history of positioning themselves as the essential digital extension of those who make art. Empowerment, even. Have you ever even set foot in an art school? Because those folks WORSHIP at the Tree of The Clean White Fruit.

No, I refuse to believe that Apple's underlying message is they want to destroy instruments of creation. I also refuse to believe that anyone with half a brain really believes that's what Apple is insinuating. We cannot be so stupid. Sure, maybe Apple was a bit misguided in their concept, but it isn't a grand statement against the arts.

And yet.

It really struck a chord, hasn't it? This outrage, however misguided or artificial as it started, spread so quickly for a reason. There's something there. Come with me for a moment:

Let's say Tim Cook went out into a cemetery of Silicon Valley and dug up the monkey paw-shaped hand of Steve Jobs. Make a wish, it beaconed. In the cool night breeze, Tim could already feel the warm embrace of an ethereal black turtle neck. 

"I wish to... QUADRUPLE iPad sales!" he spits out between symmetrical teeth of perfect lustre. The clouds part and his silver hair catches the moonlight. A smear of horse blood lingers on his cheek. The decayed finger curls in on itself as if possessed by amateur claymation, and Cook's teeth open wider. He pauses with flared nostrils. Nothing happens. Nothing continues to happen. He goes home and waters the single plastic plant. He goes to bed.

In the morning, he's approached by a wide-eyed executive. "Mr. Cook, you need to come the Warehouse 7A. It's amazing!!" They don perfect white helmets and rush over on their secret Segway-like prototypes, probably called the iMove or something stupid. Upon entering the warehouse, Tim's eyes grow wide at the implication: neatly stacked before him are every single musical instrument, paint brush, fountain pen, radio, sketchbook, and stick of charcoal in the entire world. Just sitting there. They're weighed down by the impenetrable shadow of a large, cold, and inevitable hydraulic press. A dispassionate red button waits on the wall.

Tim reaches for the switch while his select staff gawk in horror. He laughs as the giant plate begins it's slow decent. The world's last instruments play a final terrible concert, and art supplies explode in a seizure of bleeding colour. The staff follow the cue of their leader and begin to laugh in unison. Perhaps they will get an extra 5% on their performance bonuses this year.

---

My point is this: if Apple magically had all those creative tools in the world at their disposal and knew destroying them would guarantee an astronomical rise in sales, I think we all know what they'd do. Four to six quarters of parabolic growth? A guitar and journal wouldn't stand a chance.

They'd never admit to it, naturally. But if they could do it, they would. Thank god they can't.

Are they seriously setting out to undermine the tools of artistic expression? Of course not, it was just an ad. But they would seize that darker opportunity in a weathered, leathered heartbeat if it ever came their way. All hail the AAPL, our new overlord and singular arbiter of creativity.

I think that underlying desire is a good chunk of what we're reacting to. And engagement for clicks, of course. Lots of that.

-Cril

How could you know, how could you know?
That those were my eyes
Peepin' through the floor, it's like they know
It's like they know I'm looking from the outside
And creeping to the door, it's like they know

And now they coming, yeah, now they coming
Out from the shadows
To take me to the club because they know
That I shut this down, 'cause they been watching all my windows
They gathered up the wall and listening
You understand, they got a plan for us
I bet you didn't know that I was dangerous
It must be fate, I found a place for us
I bet you didn't know someone could love you this much

Big Data - Dangerous