Things are goin' alright, you know? I've been working full time for a year now. I usually work late, but who can complain about that when you can expense dinner, and you know, you're working at a job you like? I even play ping pong in the basement over the lunch. I'm having fun, most days. I'm driving to and from work in a sport-ish car with a phat subwoofer in the trunk. I have a hot red sports car I drove over the summer, with an oil leak under the hood. I live in a bit of an underground lair, which is cold and dark. But it's the right size, and it's mine. I get to cook my own meals when and how I please.
I'm making some money, and saving it for vacations and entertainment. I have the odd freelance project, which I use to make money and save even more. I'm taking mandolin lessons. I suck, and the progress is slow, but that's how such things go. I have a beefy computer that (when it isn't randomly crashing) gets around 100FPS in GTA Online. That number's just ridiculous.
I got friends and family I care for and care for me. I even got a girlfriend, for all the challenge, confusion, and general wonder that brings into my life. I sketch, I noodle on my ukulele at work, I listen to the autumn leaves crunch beneath my feet, and I chomp on home made sweet and sour pork. I go to the theatre to watch the odd movie, and go to the Netflix for most of everything else.
I think life's alright.
My mom made the quip on the phone about how just when you're starting to get settled, life will throw you just enough of a curve ball to catch you off balance. As John Lennon once sang, 'life's what happens when you're busy making other plans' (mind you, by that definition you could say that life is what ended up killing him). I think that's pretty accurate. Makes me wonder what's waiting for me just around the bend. Lose my job? Car get stolen? Sick family member? Makes me anxious on some level, but there's no use in sweating over hypotheticals. In the mean time, it's just steady as she goes.
Y'know, with the odd trip to New York thrown in.
I'm a lucky dude.
-Cril
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
I Vot'd
I don't know why, exactly. I don't pay very close attention to politics in the first place, and prior to arriving at the polls and staring down the barrel of a stubby golf pencil at the ballot, I had no idea who was even running in my riding.
I think that, as I grow older, something in me is changing that makes me want to care/participate. I still think that most politicians are sleazbags that I primarily interested in maintaining their sleazbag status. They all end up being the same, scandals and all, to the point where I'm not sure if it really matters voting for one party over the other.
But I voted. Not so much for a particular party, just against one. In doing so I came across two biases.
First, Justin Trudeau. Should I vote for him? I mean, is he old enough? Can he handle the responsibility? Wait a minute. Does that someone even ten more years of age away from myself would magically be a more logical choice? After all, the likes of Elon Musk and Larry Page seem to be doing alright at the head of their respective mega corporations. If they can change the world, why can't someone of their age lead a country? The thing is, I think I'd have infinitely more respect for one person that knows how to surround themselves with specialists and listen to their opinions, rather than one person that knows all and acts on his own accord. One's a leader, the other's a meglomaniac. Sure, maybe you can accumulate more knowledge with age, but I'd like to think we generally learn to listen to and work with others from a much earlier age.
In the end, I think we're just used to seeing 50-60 year old presidents. They win elections, so that fuels their image/stereotype in the media, which influences voters in the next election. It's an infinite loop that isn't really based on much.
Not that I'm necessarily saying a 20-year-old should run a country, but I don't think someone should be retirement age in order to qualify for the position.
Paying so little attention to politics, on the lead up to the election I spoke with everyone I knew to see how they'd vote. I got a pretty uniform answer. "Whoa," I thought, "this party is going to win by a landslide!". So I voted in line with my peers, only to discover that the party of choice lost in my riding. By 2% of the vote. So while I was absolutely certain that it'd be a landslide victory, it turns out that every other person I pass on the street where I live voted for someone else.
It's a bit of a rude awakening to realize that your world view doesn't necessarily match everyone else. Not only that, but all those statements of opinion you make with confidence turns out to only shared with a minority of the public. Straaaange.
Too often I think that people cry foul and declare that the world is coming to a certain end because their political party/candidate of choice didn't win. In reality, those people just need to realize that they don't represent the majority of their fellow country members. It's not that the country is headed to hell in a handbasket, but that you opinions and interests are more specialized than you thought, and therefore aren't necessarily worth catering to when keeping in mind the benefit of your average citizen.
Democracy, man. It's a helluva thing.
-Cril
I think that, as I grow older, something in me is changing that makes me want to care/participate. I still think that most politicians are sleazbags that I primarily interested in maintaining their sleazbag status. They all end up being the same, scandals and all, to the point where I'm not sure if it really matters voting for one party over the other.
But I voted. Not so much for a particular party, just against one. In doing so I came across two biases.
First, Justin Trudeau. Should I vote for him? I mean, is he old enough? Can he handle the responsibility? Wait a minute. Does that someone even ten more years of age away from myself would magically be a more logical choice? After all, the likes of Elon Musk and Larry Page seem to be doing alright at the head of their respective mega corporations. If they can change the world, why can't someone of their age lead a country? The thing is, I think I'd have infinitely more respect for one person that knows how to surround themselves with specialists and listen to their opinions, rather than one person that knows all and acts on his own accord. One's a leader, the other's a meglomaniac. Sure, maybe you can accumulate more knowledge with age, but I'd like to think we generally learn to listen to and work with others from a much earlier age.
In the end, I think we're just used to seeing 50-60 year old presidents. They win elections, so that fuels their image/stereotype in the media, which influences voters in the next election. It's an infinite loop that isn't really based on much.
Not that I'm necessarily saying a 20-year-old should run a country, but I don't think someone should be retirement age in order to qualify for the position.
Paying so little attention to politics, on the lead up to the election I spoke with everyone I knew to see how they'd vote. I got a pretty uniform answer. "Whoa," I thought, "this party is going to win by a landslide!". So I voted in line with my peers, only to discover that the party of choice lost in my riding. By 2% of the vote. So while I was absolutely certain that it'd be a landslide victory, it turns out that every other person I pass on the street where I live voted for someone else.
It's a bit of a rude awakening to realize that your world view doesn't necessarily match everyone else. Not only that, but all those statements of opinion you make with confidence turns out to only shared with a minority of the public. Straaaange.
Too often I think that people cry foul and declare that the world is coming to a certain end because their political party/candidate of choice didn't win. In reality, those people just need to realize that they don't represent the majority of their fellow country members. It's not that the country is headed to hell in a handbasket, but that you opinions and interests are more specialized than you thought, and therefore aren't necessarily worth catering to when keeping in mind the benefit of your average citizen.
Democracy, man. It's a helluva thing.
-Cril
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Trubbleshootin'
I won't lie, on some deep-down level I enjoy troubleshooting computer problems. Most of the time it's a logic-driven process that requires research and deliberate problem solving. And yes, the rest of time it's just an utterly maddening process that defies all reason or common sense.
But usually, it's pretty straight forward. Error logs, drivers, OS updates, disabling features. Unfortunately, at some point you run into a wall where there's nothing else you can do but start swapping out hardware in order to narrow it now. Thing is, it's not like you just happen to have a spare video card or power supply sitting around. Let alone one that's compatible with the rest of the possible culprits.
If I were an entrepreneur (and a dumb one at that), I'd start a business where I loan out components for people to troubleshoot their systems. It would, of course, go bust in short order (I'm guessing there aren't a whole lot of DIY computer folks out there, never mind the fact that PCs are in decline). But at least then you could pay $5 to borrow a video card for a couple days instead of purchasing one brand-new and paying a ridiculous restocking fee for returning it.
Anyways. After lucking out and borrowing a video card, I think I've managed to conclude that mine has been the source of some random hanging. I've even gotten the gears turning on an RMA (yaaay EVGA). Alas, I have a sneaking suspicion that my PSU might yet be the culprit. I really hope it's the video card, because I'm not sure where I can borrow a power supply from...
-Cril
But usually, it's pretty straight forward. Error logs, drivers, OS updates, disabling features. Unfortunately, at some point you run into a wall where there's nothing else you can do but start swapping out hardware in order to narrow it now. Thing is, it's not like you just happen to have a spare video card or power supply sitting around. Let alone one that's compatible with the rest of the possible culprits.
If I were an entrepreneur (and a dumb one at that), I'd start a business where I loan out components for people to troubleshoot their systems. It would, of course, go bust in short order (I'm guessing there aren't a whole lot of DIY computer folks out there, never mind the fact that PCs are in decline). But at least then you could pay $5 to borrow a video card for a couple days instead of purchasing one brand-new and paying a ridiculous restocking fee for returning it.
Anyways. After lucking out and borrowing a video card, I think I've managed to conclude that mine has been the source of some random hanging. I've even gotten the gears turning on an RMA (yaaay EVGA). Alas, I have a sneaking suspicion that my PSU might yet be the culprit. I really hope it's the video card, because I'm not sure where I can borrow a power supply from...
-Cril
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Blocked
It’s a sucky thing when you realize that you’ve done buggered up so thoroughly that someone you care about and respect has decided to cut you out of their life.
I recently stumbled upon a piece of advice that said, “Making a mistake doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.” While true, I can’t help but feel like it can still make you bad at being a person.
Such is life, right? Still makes me wish I woulda/coulda done things differently, though.
-Cril
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Back again, back again, jiggity jig.
Sometimes reminiscing can be a fickle and whimsical thing. To be conjured up for fun or nostalgia's sake. It lands like a bird and chirps away and flies away again.
Other times, though, it lands like a brick to the face.
"REMINISCE?" it asks.
"YOU WANT TO REMINISCE? LET'S REMINISCE!"
And thus a few weeks after waxing poetic about the last year of life, I find myself suddenly, borderline inexplicably, back in New York.
At first it was surreal, like taking a tour bus through a dream I had twenty years ago. And then it all kinda comes back. Oddly enough, the smell of the subway – that mix of sweat and vomit covered up by industrial cleaners – kinda snapped me back to reality. Yes, I know this place. I lived here. I'm not just a tourist in a strange town.
The first order of business (and menu) was to hit up the Halal Guys for dinner. Then I went to Birdland for dessert and took in a set of jazz by Barbara Carroll. I even bought a souvenir set of playing cards. Not getting to see any jazz was one of my big regrets. Not getting any souvenirs was another.
The next morning (this morning) I went to get a big fat cinnamon raising bagel smothering half a pint of strawberry cream cheese. Didn't have enough of those.
And then I walked by SVA's doors. Just to see it, just to touch base and check-in with one of the most incredible experiences I've ever had. I miss it, I really do.
It's funny how having a little bit of money changes things. All of the sudden I'm able to enjoy things and breathe at the same time. The jazz alone cost me $50, but was worth it. And I could actually enjoy it.
So this trip has been a bit of a redemption... To make up for some of the things I missed out on and appreciate the city when I'm not behind the lens of a broke, stressed student. It's also good to know that even though I didn't land a big time gig in New York, I'm still doing alright. I got a job, and here I am travelling to the big city.
Maybe I'm not the hoitiest-of-toitiest of designers, but still. I think I did alright. I even get to go back home to my two (!!) cars. One of which is a Porsche, even.
I dunno. Maybe my brain does funny things in a Connecticut hotel after an absurd amount of travelling in a short amount of time. But I'd like to think that my head is in better place because of this whole thing.
And to think it was just dumped in my lap. Life is strange sometimes.
-Cril
Other times, though, it lands like a brick to the face.
"REMINISCE?" it asks.
"YOU WANT TO REMINISCE? LET'S REMINISCE!"
And thus a few weeks after waxing poetic about the last year of life, I find myself suddenly, borderline inexplicably, back in New York.
At first it was surreal, like taking a tour bus through a dream I had twenty years ago. And then it all kinda comes back. Oddly enough, the smell of the subway – that mix of sweat and vomit covered up by industrial cleaners – kinda snapped me back to reality. Yes, I know this place. I lived here. I'm not just a tourist in a strange town.
The first order of business (and menu) was to hit up the Halal Guys for dinner. Then I went to Birdland for dessert and took in a set of jazz by Barbara Carroll. I even bought a souvenir set of playing cards. Not getting to see any jazz was one of my big regrets. Not getting any souvenirs was another.
The next morning (this morning) I went to get a big fat cinnamon raising bagel smothering half a pint of strawberry cream cheese. Didn't have enough of those.
And then I walked by SVA's doors. Just to see it, just to touch base and check-in with one of the most incredible experiences I've ever had. I miss it, I really do.
It's funny how having a little bit of money changes things. All of the sudden I'm able to enjoy things and breathe at the same time. The jazz alone cost me $50, but was worth it. And I could actually enjoy it.
So this trip has been a bit of a redemption... To make up for some of the things I missed out on and appreciate the city when I'm not behind the lens of a broke, stressed student. It's also good to know that even though I didn't land a big time gig in New York, I'm still doing alright. I got a job, and here I am travelling to the big city.
Maybe I'm not the hoitiest-of-toitiest of designers, but still. I think I did alright. I even get to go back home to my two (!!) cars. One of which is a Porsche, even.
I dunno. Maybe my brain does funny things in a Connecticut hotel after an absurd amount of travelling in a short amount of time. But I'd like to think that my head is in better place because of this whole thing.
And to think it was just dumped in my lap. Life is strange sometimes.
-Cril
Sunday, October 04, 2015
Post-September Chills
Oof, big couple weeks. People havin' babies, gettin' girlfriends, doin' travellin', buyin' bidnesses, buyin' cars. And working late. Oh yes, lots of that.
I'm gettin' kinda sick of the long hours. Some of them are self-imposed, mind you. Even though I'm workin' hard to stay on top of things and doing the best I can, I've been feeling kinda useless at work. I've let a few, dumb, stupid mistakes slip through the cracks, and I get the feeling that my boss isn't overly happy with anything I produce. It doesn't help that he's a bit over worked and under-vacationed, and is getting kinda agitated. It doubly doesn't help that I'm super receptive to that kind of tension and it kinda wrecks my concentration. Sigh. Work sucks. Except when it doesn't.
The other week I was feeling that my boss was getting fed up with me and was inches from letting me go. I don't know if that's even remotely close to the truth or not, but I was in a funk for a little while. But I figure, hey, if they let me go something else will come along, right? I'm living cheap and can live even cheaper if I need to. If no one will take a chance on me, maybe I can get by flipping burgers for a living. I even have some emergency savings should something like that transpire. Life will go on, in one way or another.
In other news, winter has come out of nowhere and landed with the grace of a muddy brick. Things are suddenly cold. I've started winterizing my basement suite, sealing the windows with plastic sheets and foam. There's not much I can do.
In other other news, I have internet access! Yes, I'm sure that's quite surprising, coming from someone posting to a web site. My upstairs housemates moved out last week, and took the wifi with them. So I got my own account and was hooked up this morning. Only $25 a month, until it's $70 a month. ISPs are such a racket.
Also, welcome to Inktober. The goal is to draw once a day for the entire month, and was a welcome challenge when my internet pal approached me to do it with him. I haven't drawn much in... months. Haven't done any freelance or design or anything. Just work and movies and gaming. It'll be nice to do something more constructive.
-Cril
I'm gettin' kinda sick of the long hours. Some of them are self-imposed, mind you. Even though I'm workin' hard to stay on top of things and doing the best I can, I've been feeling kinda useless at work. I've let a few, dumb, stupid mistakes slip through the cracks, and I get the feeling that my boss isn't overly happy with anything I produce. It doesn't help that he's a bit over worked and under-vacationed, and is getting kinda agitated. It doubly doesn't help that I'm super receptive to that kind of tension and it kinda wrecks my concentration. Sigh. Work sucks. Except when it doesn't.
The other week I was feeling that my boss was getting fed up with me and was inches from letting me go. I don't know if that's even remotely close to the truth or not, but I was in a funk for a little while. But I figure, hey, if they let me go something else will come along, right? I'm living cheap and can live even cheaper if I need to. If no one will take a chance on me, maybe I can get by flipping burgers for a living. I even have some emergency savings should something like that transpire. Life will go on, in one way or another.
In other news, winter has come out of nowhere and landed with the grace of a muddy brick. Things are suddenly cold. I've started winterizing my basement suite, sealing the windows with plastic sheets and foam. There's not much I can do.
In other other news, I have internet access! Yes, I'm sure that's quite surprising, coming from someone posting to a web site. My upstairs housemates moved out last week, and took the wifi with them. So I got my own account and was hooked up this morning. Only $25 a month, until it's $70 a month. ISPs are such a racket.
Also, welcome to Inktober. The goal is to draw once a day for the entire month, and was a welcome challenge when my internet pal approached me to do it with him. I haven't drawn much in... months. Haven't done any freelance or design or anything. Just work and movies and gaming. It'll be nice to do something more constructive.
-Cril
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