Three hundred, sixty-six.

On New Years Eve, there are many types of posts one could make. Ponderous, looking back, hypothesizing about the future, and the obligatory angst-ridden "where-do-I-fit-into-all-of-this-mess". But instead because I don't have the patience nor time to do any of those, I'm going to do a quick ramble about a challenge I accepted early this year. Frank challenged me to do one sketch for every day of 2008. Starting out it was a pretty intimidating task. Insult was added to injury when we discovered it was actually a leap year and oh yeah I guess that means we need to do one more.

I technically accepted the challenge and started one week into 2008. I needed to do a wee bit of catchup to be on schedule, but on January 7th I did my first sketch:



Over the next dozen months I produced a plethora of horrible sketches, but sprinkled in were the odd gem. Some I really had to work at, some that simply surprised me. It's hard to believe how much is there now that it's done. Going back and sifting through I find myself going "oh yeah, I remember that one."

In any event, I've now arrived at #366 - the very last sketch of the year.



Do you see improvement? Is it better? Worse?

Personally, it looks like it's more realistic. I'm not sure if I'd be confident it labeling it under the 'better' category, but I think it's certainly seems like 365 small steps up from #1. I do, however, lament a certain loss of... Style. Perhaps, rather, I should be looking at it as a development of a new style and ability instead. But you can't deny that the first sketch has its own charm to it.

And so that's it for now. I will, without a doubt, keep doing this in 2009 - I can't believe I haven't been doing it much much longer. It's something that I think about and has become a valuable part of my day-to-day life. If I were to go without it, I just don't think it'd nearly be the same.

So when you read this, Frank, I want to say a huge THANK YOU. I had no idea it'd be such a positive impact. Thank you for getting me off my arse and commit to regularly developing my skill. I couldn't have done it without your efforts as well, I truly enjoyed sifting through your sketch dumps on Flickr. Cheers bro, we made it. Congrats.

The whole set of sketches from 2008 can be found right here. Curious about the reference I used for sketches #1 and #366? That's right here. As for 2009, well... Give it 24hrs. There'll be a link in the next post for sure.

Happy New Years everyone. Keep your pen, pencil, brush, stylus or whatever weapon of choice busy in 2009.
-Cril

Ramsey Lewis - What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

Icy works of art

Whelp, I'm back. Hope everyone had a good Christmas or whatever it is you celebrate. Mine almost didn't happen - the weather was pretty vicious. Flights were delayed and canceled, but luckily I didn't get intertwined in the latter.

But I got where I needed to go, and I had a great time staying with the family and relaxing and getting a whole lot of nothing accomplished. We messed around at Harrison Lake - the weather was so freakishly cold that the lagoon had completely frozen over. Although we probably could have walked straight across it, we were a bit more cautious. Didn't stop us from slipping and sliding and examining patterns in the ice a few meters from "shore". On the outside of the lagoon where the lake hits the rock was spectacular. The wind coming of the water was bitterly cold, but all the rocks had been frozen over by the waves. Who knew there could be a winter wonderland in our own backyard?

On Christmas Eve were were supposed to go visit my sister/brother in law's place, but the snow was so thick that we could barely see beyond the car in front of us, and our wipers were collecting ice faster than discarding it. We had to turn back for home while there was still light out, the usual 30-minute drive lasting closer to an hour. By the time we got back it was indeed dark anyways, but we went sledding in the parking lot. We brought two sleds and rope and tied it to the back of the car while our Dad whipped us around the powdered parking stalls. Good times - 20km/h seems infinitely faster when you're holding onto a plastic sled for your life before tumbling into a snow drift. The powder was so thick that you totally got blinded going through it, and just had to hope for the best. Good times.

Alas, it's nice to be back. But it sucks to have had to leave.

The Christmas haul didn't include anything over-the-edge spectacular. I got a comic, a few interesting books, some new music, old movies on DVDs, and two games (one of which is GTA4, more on that later). Oh, and $80 too, but I have no idea what to spend it on. Steam has a massive crazy-go-nuts awesome sale, so I may spend ~$25 and pick up a few odds and ends.

I'm super stuffed-up right now. I think it was being around the cats at home that did it, but I cannot breathe through either nostril at the moment. They're dammed up real good, ain't nothing getting in or out. I've been blowing and wiping so much that I suspect my face will soon take after the Sphinx. Between that and the traveling around, I'm not really in tip-top shape at the moment.

On the good side I get Thursday and Friday off this week, so I'll have four straight days of get-stuff-done goodness. I have to work on a commissioned (!!) poster for the library in my home town, which needs to be done rather quickly. It's not really as impressive as it sounds, but it's a few extra bucks and something fun to do.

The rest of the long weekend I will likely spend a large portion of time playing GTA4. Let me try to keep this short, because I know it's something that can get me really riled up and long-winded.

Grand Theft Auto IV for the PC is the very definition of what's wrong with PC gaming. I had to download and install three separate updates, two of which had nothing to do with the game itself. There is something wrong when you need to create two separate logins for two separate programs so that you can play and just save a single player game. Games for Windows Live is a clunky, poorly implemented and useless tool that does nothing but bog the experience down. There is absolutely no need for the Rockstar Social Club. The CD key had one too many sets of digits, the game took WAY too long to install, it's optimized very poorly (40FPS @ 1280x960 with low settings on a duo core 3.33GHz, 4GB RAM, 9600GT. SERIOUSLY?) Okay, there's a lot more to be said here, but I need to move onto other things tonight. Suffice it to say that if I could I would have Steam's babies - this whole debacle makes me clearly see how incredibly superior it is in every way.

In appreciation for Rockstar and Microsoft's efforts, here is something I'd like to plant squarely in the middle of their collective face.



You may notice that that image number is 363. I've since done 364 and 365. One remains. Stay tuned for a special New Year's Eve edition.
-Cril

Silence of an airborne night
Push high above the roof
Daughters of the Red lights blind
The icy works of art
The city lights and restless nights
Go once upon the Lord
You and I will lie beside the fire sparked from boards

Beirut - The Flying Club Cup

Christmas Music

There are many many reasons I'm not fond of Christmas music. Especially the kind which you hear in 95% of public places. Radio stations, store playlists, TV shows, stereo/sound system demos... The problem is that so much of this music is absolute crap. It's a cliche cover of a tired and exhausted song that lost its appeal far too long ago. But hey, if the artiste can turn a quick buck by rehashing old into something incredibly unremarkable, why not?

Why not? Because that isn't what music should be about. I don't want to hear your song unless you're trying to prove a point or exercise unique skill and talent or if you personally feel that there is some degree of merit to your creation. If you're the twelfth person I hear that day belting out "Rudolph the Reded Nose Reindeer" in that frikkin' annoying warbly voice that's so common in Pop these days... Guess what? You have no artistic integrity. You are a waste of my time. If you're not going to make an effort, why should I be subjected to your pathetic excuse to expand your bland and featureless repertoire?

Right now in my music library I have 173 Christmas songs. Four of which I have ranked a 5/5.

Elf's Lament by the Barenaked Ladies feat. Michael Buble
The song earns points for being a) original and b) not consisting of the sired and overused Christmas themes. It's essentially a song about Elves unionizing against Santa. Musically I guess it isn't anything truly spectacular. Although the trio of vocals are well balanced (Page, Robertson, and Buble) and the song is full of jaunty energy, it's relatively simple and repetitive. But as with many of the Barenaked Ladies songs that I obsess over so much, it's the lyrics that really get to you. The rhyme scheme keeps you on the toes and the subject matter is hilarious.
And I quoth:

We're used to repetition, so we drew up a petition
We, the undersigned, feel undermined
Let's redefine "employment"

We know that we've got leverage, so we'll hand the fat man a beverage
And sit back while we attack the utter lack of our enjoyment

It may be tough to swallow, but our threats are far from hollow
He may thunder, but if he blunders, he may wonder where the toys went

It's quirky, it's amusing and it's so utterly *different*.

Carol of the Bells by The Barenaked Ladies
Yes, I am quite a Barenaked Ladies fanboy of epic proportions. But you know how I said part of the reason I liked the group was for their lyrics? Well, this song ain't got none. They really are versatile musicians - this piece leans heavily on the old type of keyboard organ that your grandmother has in the basement. You know, the one with all the switches you'd play with as a child pretending your were doing something extraordinary because there's nothing else at grandma's house to do. It constantly replays the four-note melody of the piece, accompanies by the slightest percussion - nothing but soft hits of a cymbol. But as it progresses...

There's a subtle oppressive tone. It's the very last thing you'd expect from a rehash of a Christmas song, really. Then the simple vocals and guitar come in creating this wonderful polyphonic immersion. The guitar trades off for a stand-up base, the music swells... And slowly unravels into a dark ending.

It's this kind of dissonance and cacophony that completely draws me in. Sure, it's a Christmas tune... But it feels heavy and bleak. But it's not too strong - you don't come out feeling depressed so much as a slight shade of melancholy. It's so subtle and gentle. You can't quite be sure that it's there, but it silently intruiges the darker places of your mind.

God Rest Ye Marry Gentlemen by the Starlite Orchestra
My brother got a 'Big Band Christmas' CD album many years ago from one of those discount bins in Wal-Mart. Sure the style itself isn't as popular or common as it once was, but the majority of the tracks cater to a stereotypical swing-era rehash of classics. The blazing woodwinds, the strong belt-out female vocals... It's all there. A few of 'em have the allure of just being different from your everyday Christmas cover, but God Rest Ye Marry Gentlemen stands out on its own. This piece has two things in common with Carol of the Bells above. First is that it's the only other cover in my top four and second is that it likewise has no lyrics.

Being a fast paced, energetic big band piece it should be no surprise that the track only lasts 1:42. But it hits all the right movements - building up beginning foundations with trombones, a smooth and stylish saxophone section that picks up at the second verse, the blazing trumpet counter-melody that seamlessly swaps out with the saxes for melody itself. The drums cease while all three pound out their part to finish a movement, and come back in for a thick climax that lasts right through to the end with classic big band long. Slow. Single. Notes. Complete with timpani and all the trimmings.

The arrangement is done so well and the song itself is such a excellent fit for a swing rhythm. It comes together and meshes flawlessly, and no matter what section your pick out to listen to it all sounds tight, on time, and punctuated. A really talented group of musicians. The rest of the album reeks of fitting a specific criteria, but this one captures all the element of how big band music should feel.

Christmas Dreams by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra
This song is an intriguing hybrid of mesmerizing lyrics, a catchy tune and unique styling. You're hard pressed to find any kind of symphonic rocl Christmas music that isn't the Trans Siberian Orchestra. And even though this may be a well populated genre for other themes the TSO certainly has their own unique edge. Every album has a story, quite literally. All the tracks fit together to form a larger picture and it's designed to be that way. Go ahead, pick an album - each one has a written plot to tie all the unique tracks together.

But what about Christmas Dreams in particular? It's hard to say, really. A good part of it comes from the vivid and driving lyrics. Without reading the whole story or listening to the album as intended it's probably pretty hard to decipher just what the song's trying to get at. But you know it's something good:

While she awaits ever patient
She awaits rarely seen
Still her moments are taken
For in the dead of the night
Gathering light
Christmas dreams

And a tear falls upon her snow-white hair
And it runs to the end where it lingers there
Then it falls through the air of a winter's sky
Till it captures a dream and it's crystallized

Let it go!
Let it go!
This old world that I know

For soon everything will be changing
In a single glance
Where it all enchants
And every hope is worth saving

Yeah, parts of it are kinda Christmas-cutesy that make you want to roll your eyes, but the delivery is just so well done. The male vocalist has a very bold and harsh style that might come off as rather overbearing. But the inflections and stresses rise and fall with the melody to match what's taking place in the words themselves.



And that's about it, really. There are plenty of original/less-traditional Christmas tunes between the Trans-Siberian Orchestra and the Starlite Orchestra that are actually pretty solid. Finding new unconventional or innovative songs can be pretty tough - we've been so bombarded by more of the same that it feels a bit uncomfortable to look for something new or fresh to listen to. It's out there if you look for it, but you definitely would find it while strolling the isles of any given department store in December.

If I don't come 'round these parts until then, I hope everyone (re: my readership of 1.5) has a good Christmas.
-Cril

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - John Denver & Ralph

There’s an ancient hotel, where shadows they do tend to wander

You know all those posts I said I'd do during the week? Yeah, they totally didn't happen at all.

I mentioned that the constant and rhythmic disruptions in my work day were driving me kinda nuts. I had no idea just how nuts I was being driven. I kid you not, when Friday arrived I was convinced it was Thursday. And I'm not talking about the casual "What day is it today? Oh riiiight" or the less casual "I thought it was X day. Oh well, Y day makes more sense anyways". No I'm talking about being so freaking convinced it's one day, that you honestly don't believe when you're told what it actually is. And then bringing out your iPod and checking the date to be sure he isn't messing with you. And then wondering when the last time was that you updated your iPod, and whether or not it could somehow be messed up. Totally. Convinced. All of the sudden I lost one of the days of the week and I had no idea where it went. It doesn't help when you have so much to do that you really desperately need that day.

Alas, I got to work and checked my journal which informed me that I had, indeed, already worked Monday through Thursday. I checked an online calendar just to be sure.

Most of the week disappeared into nights spent getting odds and ends lined up for Christmas. I stayed late at the office one night to get some extra stuff done. Helped a friend with some artwork on another night. Helped another friend with another artwork on another night. And then I spent about 7.5hrs working up a gift for my Dad for Christmas/his birthday. It was supposed to be just for his bday, but it got so out of hand that there was no way I was going to let it be used for one gift if I could possibly avoid it. But I got it printed and framed to boost the value-to-gift ratio. I think it turned out really well, perhaps my most realistic piece so far. I still kind of like the old one I did a bit more, though. It has a bit more style and flare to it. The new one is rather... Generic.

Let's see... Last weekend there was also Staff Party A. We had it at the historic Heritage Park, where we did brunch and wandered around for a while. It snowed, like, almost a foot that morning. It was sickeningly Christmas-y picturesque. It was pretty neat.

Last night was Staff Party B, however, where we all built Pummer Lanterns. Lots of munchies, a gift exchange, hyper and burnt-out children, some aroma de soldeur, and a plethora of hand tools and LEDs strewn about the tables. A few of the guys got pretty jolly on some of the alki-haul, and I didn't quite get home until ~1AM. Throw in some shopping trips around the various corners of Calgary, some more arting, and another foot of snow... And that pretty much sums up the rest of the weekend.

Looking back I don't think I even got 3hrs of gaming in over the past week (gasp!). I'm glad that I was able to stick to what needed to get done.

Alas, there's more artwork to be done for a friend, gifts to finalize, work projects to finish, and preparations made for Christmas vacation. Which, by the way, starts for me on Friday morning, and not evening. I was hoping to get in a full day of work before coming home, packing, and going off to the airport... But some idiot (me) booked tickets for 8AM instead of PM. Go figure. It's like San Fransisco all over again. But with snow.

A roommate got engaged this weekend.
[insert three obligatory "and what have I accomplished" angst-ridden paragraphs here]
Congratulations to him.

IMAGE!



Ah, right. Another destroyer of time and space for this last week was the uploading of a bunch of old crap I've done. I used to have it all hosted on Allbrand, but they're not maintaining the site anymore, and they're deleting any images that haven't been viewed for x days. Thus, I've thrown 'em up on my Flickr account. You'll find sets for Old Drawings, Misc Art (including my charcoal drawings from a few years ago), and some random Odds and Ends from before the 365-sketch challenge.

Ok, that's about it for now. I'll try to get one more post up during the week, unless my mind eats another day of the week I can't get back.
-Cril

Windows of frosted ice
Prisming candlelight
And somehow we
Start to believe

In the night and the dream
As it cuts through the noise
With the whisper of snow
As it starts to deploy

In the depths of a night
That’s about to begin
With the feeling of snow
As it melts on your skin

And it covers the land
With a dream so intense
That it returns us all
To a child’s innocence

And then what you’d thought lost
And could never retrieve
Is suddenly there to be found
On Christmas Eve

Trans-Siberian Orchestra - The Lost Christmas Eve

I think this is what going insane feels like.

Or perhaps something closer to ADD. Something about not being able to concentrate and constantly changing focus.

At work we're running two kinds of product through some machinery. This requires a tray for each model to be loaded, the machine configured, and the process started. About 2/3 of the way through the machining run you need to go back to the device and turn off a rather loud assist that has finished its cycle. One model takes about 60min to be machined, the other 22. It takes about ~15mins to unload either tray and reload it. So the way I figure it, the constant getting up to either turn off the assist or load/unload/restart the machine means that I don't even get to stay sitting at my desk for more than 30mins at a time, if I'm lucky.

I can really feel it start to yank at some of the plugs in my brain. I don't get to actually concentrate and work on any given thing for more than half-hour periods. Your concentration gets broken, you get up to complete Repetitive Task X for the nth time that day, then you get back and need to figure out where you left off. The whole day. Feels. Very stop. And. Go.

It wouldn't be so bad if either I was doing nothing but mobile odds-and-ends tasks all day, but I'm generally attempting to fry larger fish that tend to take more than 30mins to cook. So I've been trying to break up things into smaller chunks so that I can feel a bit more productive and be able to pickup where I left off quicker. But it's a hit-and-miss type of exercise in futility. It's really starting to get... Tedious and uncomfortable. But other people have way more important things to be doing, and I guess this would be divine retribution for not being able to get the catalogue together in time.

Oh well, I've been at it for two-and-a-half weeks now, that means there can't be that much left.

...

Right?



I'll try and squeeze out a few more updates as the week rolls on in lieu of the traditional weekend post I missed. Forgive that and the numerous spelling/grammatical errors - I'm "not firing on all four cylinders", as they say.
-Cril

Here we are in the pouring home
I watch the light man fall the comb
I watch a light move across the screen
I watch the light come over me

Here we are now going to the west side
Weapons in hand as we go for a ride
Some may come and some may stay
Watching out for a sunny day where there's

Love and darkness and my sidearm
Hey, elan

Moby - Southside

Winter in Ganymede

Autumn is a beautiful thing. It's like nature fires off one last, brilliant burst of energy that flares into the most stunning colours you've ever seen. But as that old saying goes, the brighter the star the shorter the life. And so once that final putsch to revolutionize the world's palette we're plunged into surroundings of sudden greys and dull browns. After a flaming golden leaf makes it's graceful and surreal decent into the gutter, it stays there. And just like someone bleeding away life, the colour is ever-so-gradually evicted. Grass and shurbs follow suit, shedding into duller suits of appearance.

And it stays this way, as the wind howls around corners, clouds overtake the sky, and precipitation slowly, but surely, pelts a lifeless world below. In mid to late autumn it means that the once-golden leaf sitting in the gutter goes from stiff and rigid to horribly saturated with water. It turns into a pulp and is inevitably ground away to mesh into its surroundings. And this turns into a cycle where the pulp dries and becomes wet again to be mixed in with even more remnants of greenery.

But when the air cools just enough, the pulp freezes. And instead of rain there's snow. Somewhat reminiscent of the vibrant leaves that made their only decent. It's almost like nature took a step back, saw the bland world and mush collecting in the gutter and said "It's not supposed to look like that!" So it blankets the world with glorified white-out. So it snows and snows to cover up the mistake until a break comes. The snow melts and lo and behold, things are still brown and ugly, but not so much mushy as slushy. Natures says to itself "well, crap..." and tries gain. It repeats ad naseum, until somehow on the other side things come out green.

But in the mean time we squint our eyes as we leave warm abodes for the unbearably chilly outdoors. The snow may bring its own surreal coating to the landscape, but we all know it's just that: a coating. And underneath it conceals the same browns and greys that was left there.

But in the mean time, we need to put up with nature and it's "nothing to see here folks, ha ha ha..." More snow, more slush, and back to brown. It may be beautiful while it lasts, but it's just more of the same.



Today they cut down the tree I could see from my desk. It's pretty depressing - sure, we'll get to see the wonderfully vivid horizon of blue skies and sunsets from our office chairs, but it's no substitute for that brief and spectacular piece of Autumn. I liked watching the tree flow in the wind and bloom in the spring. But most of all, I'll miss the outrageous yellows it churned out before calling in quits and waiting for the snow to come gloss over what it had become.
-Cril

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where treetops glisten
And children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow

Michael Bublé - White Christmas

Happy [Multiple Choice Celebration] Birthday!

So what exactly is it that we celebrate on a birthday? Maybe it's something as simple as standing up and thrusting two middle-fingers in Fate's direction - we've survived one more year in a world full of diseases, car crashes, fickle and freak weather, food poisoning, fires, wars, earthquakes, and High School Musical sequels. Ok, take car's for instance - here's something we do twice a day, every day that involves us straddling a cruise missile down kilometers of pavement, passing not three feet (Bahaha! Mixing separate systems of measurement!) from other oncoming cruise missiles. And seriously, have you seen some of the idiots out there? Who the hell gave them a license? Regardless, with every car we pass by on the road we're stacking odds and taking bets. Some days I'm surprised we last as long as we do.

But back to the subject at hand. What do we celebrate? Maybe, just maybe, it's something more epic. Something so large in scope it's really impossible to grasp the meaning of sheer numbers and values. But let's run with those numbers and values for a minute, shall we? Within the space of a year, we travel roughly 938 million kilometers through the solar system, around the sun. That works out to to an average speed near 107,218 km/h (thanks, Wikipedia!). And you think you're pretty hot when you're straddling your cruise missile and barreling down the back road at 140km/h.

So is this what we celebrate? Completing another revolution around that massive burning ball of gas that lights our world? You might think so, until you realize that you can make this journey sitting absolutely frickin' still. You don't need to go anywhere or do anything to earn that achievement.

Or maybe if we want to take the more morbid approach, perhaps we're not celebrating the state of progression so much as closing the gap on our own demise. Is that it, getting closer to the end of completing an existence? If that's the case, I've already passed by 30% of my life expectancy - only 70% to go!

It could also be not so much of passing by the time as the ratio of quality to the time spent. The ability to stand there and declare, "YES! In the last year I have been able to improve myself and make an impact on the world in these ways!" Insert shtick about goals and personal excellence and growing and development here.

So what is it? Beating the odds, completing a lap around the solar system, another step towards the end, or the ability to quantify personal change? They all sound equally lame, if you ask me. Maybe it's something as simple as an excuse to break the monotony of day-to-day life like weekends and civic holidays.


Maybe it's e) None of the above.
Or even f) I have no freakin' clue.
-Cril

If cryogenics were all free
Then you could live like Walt Disney
And live for all eternity
Inside a block of ice

Arrogant Worms - The Happy Happy Birthday Song

The Long and Winding Road

It was three years ago tonight, about now, that I got on a certain Alberta-bound Greyhound bus with a carefully picked assortment of belongings. Man, that bus ride sucked. I figured if I board the evening bus and it was approximately a 13hr journey, all I'd have to do is get my 8hrs of sleep, and voila! I'm there! Except in reality it was closer to 2.5hrs of broken rest, most of it between Banff and Calgary. I wonder why I didn't sleep much that night. Nerves, probably. I had no idea what I was doing or getting myself into. Living and working with relatives that I'd seen once in the past three years. But all my other siblings had done a similar stint, so why not?

Little did I know that I'd be employed by them for three years and make over $10/hr (gasp!) doing a job I enjoy but am not remotely qualified to do. There have been obligatory ups-and-downs, a change in residence, a year of general studies somewhere in between, homesickness, physical sickness, and a whole payload of assorted emotions and situations and decisions.

Looking back at the kid who got on a late-night bus is kind of difficult. Of course when you do something like that, there's always the compulsory reaction of "I was so naive and clueless!!" Which no doubt means that three more years from now I'll look back and realize that maybe I still had/have more in common than I'd care to admit.
-Cril

Had a dream I was born
To be naked in the eye of the storm
And now it's standing right in front of me
What's it going to do to me, who knows,
Had a dream it was time
To be taken to the front of the line
Well that is not a place you wanna be
Sleeping with the enemy, you know

Roger Hodgson - Had A Dream (Sleeping With The Enemy)

Hypothetical question.

If someone were to ask you to justify your life, what would you say? Would you even have an answer?
Hm.


-Cril

Did you ever have to make up your mind?
Pick up on one and leave the other behind
It's not often easy and not often kind
Did you ever have to make up your mind?

Lovin' Spoonful - Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind

A multifarious collection of developments

So, I broke Photoshop today. It's the first time I've really done something that'll cause it to crash consistently. Which, I suppose, is a testament to the programmers and designers at Adobe. What was the winning formula? Create a 9px brush with 25% spacing, 100% size jitter, 38% scatter, 2 count (plus 10% count jitter), default texture, noise, and smoothing. Do a bunch of quick strokes in a row, and the program will hang. But it can be fixed by taking noise and smoothing off. Anyhoo, I used said brush extraordinaire to do this:



I think it may be one of my best faces/portraits yet. I got the proportions a bit out, he looks a bit more heavy than he should. Also, I didn't quite get the feel of the sharp contrast, it looks like he has a goatee instead of a shadow. You can see the reference here.

In other news, this is why I don't go and buy Need for Speed games right after they come out. I've been trying the... Extended demo, and I'm not exactly sure if it's quite as bad as the reviews suggest. But, it's still a pretty bad game. You can totally tell they put minimal effort into the PC interface - there's not even a cursor. You have to use - and + to switch between one field, and 0 and 9 for another. It's pretty bad. The handling seems VERY arcade-y... Kind of unpredictable, kind of obligatory, kind of... Horrible, really. The customization still feels shallow compared to Underground 2, the rubber-band AI is absolute TRASH, the cops appear from nowhere, and there's a slew of other quirks that make it unenjoyable. It has a bit of charm, it's a bit like Most Wanted which is one of my favourites. But I think it boils down to my affair with Grid. I'm sorry Need for Speed, baby, but I've moved onto other things. Grid's just more pretty and fun. Grid understands me.

And in more other (but fairly related) news, this is why I have and always will preorder any Valve game as soon as I possibly can. Left 4 Dead is really a great game. I was a little let down by the short length and lack of story, but the gameplay is bang-on. The hardest part is getting three other people you know together and finding a dedicated server. But when you do, you are in for a treat. I played for a few hours one night before jumping into bed. It wasn't until then that I actually realized that not only was I sweating, but my hands were shaking. I haven't had that much fun with a multiplayer game in a looooong time. It frustrates me, though, how hard it can be to to get those yokels from FNF to commit to anything. Sigh.

This week Top Gear was awesome (as always), The Office was a really solid episode (much better than last week's), and Heroes was par for the course (which is so-so, sub-par).

Oh, and I found out that GTAIV is coming to Steam. Wooooo! But I think I'll have to hold off a little bit for two reasons. First, the USD/CAD exchange rate has kinda fallen a bit, which means I'll have to pay more (booo!), and as it's a 16GB game and we've already blown our download cap out of the water for the month... I need to wait for December anyways. Oh well.

Annnnd... That's about everything of significance I have to say. Work is getting busy, somethings aren't getting done, yadda yadda. Booked tickets home for Christmas, they cost an arm and a leg... Getting a whole lot of nothing done for Christmas shopping, but I've figured everyone out...

AH! And some good news - The antique headset I was lamenting the loss of seems to be working fine. My cousin oh-so-sneakily turned town the volume while I wasn't looking, and the knob only really works on one channel. My decent Sennheiser set can be sent in for repair under warrantee, but my Logitech gamepad was a gift and as such I'll need to see if I can get a receipt. Yah. That's about it. Mebbe I'll go play some Left 4 Dead now.
-Cril

You know that its true
Its a little bit me, (a little bit me)
And its a little bit you...
Too

Monkees - A Little Bit Me, A Little Bit You

"See? This is why I can't own nice things!"

Or rather, why I probably shouldn't own nice things.

Within the last twenty-four hours, I've broken no less than THREE electronic accessories. That's an average of one every eight hours - it's almost like working a full-time job!

It started off last night with my Logitech controller. I installed the new Need for Speed, and noticed that I was drifting to the left a lot. Sigh. Sure enough, my one analog stick isn't centering properly.

THEN, this morning, I was listening to the iPod at my desk. Someone came in to talk to me, so I paused it and set it aside. When I went to start it up again... One of the channels was dead in the headphones. And it wasn't like the wire was getting worn out or anything - usually wiggling the wire just right can get the signal back. But this was not the case. The left channel is DEAD, and I can't get it to return. These are the $70 headphones I got less than six months ago. And again with the averages, that's about $10 a month.

FINE! That was a bit of a bummer. I mean, I wasn't really fond of that set, so I was kinda hoping I might be able to sell them for a bit and go buy another pair. In the mean time I hook up my old antique headphones, and listen to some Paul Okenfold and Our Lady Peace for a few hours while I chug away at work. Again someone comes in, so I set it aside. Then upon putting them back on resuming the playlist I find that my right channel has mysteriously gone silent. Same thing - wiggling doesn't help, they're still busted in other media players, and a coworkers set works fine in my iPod. But that pretty much exhausted my operational listening accessories, so I had to sweat out the remaining 20-something minutes of a podcast with one channel. But what really sucks is that I totally like the antique set, and they aren't in any way replaceable.

So what's the cause? Technology just hates me, I guess (I won't even mention the grief my work machine is giving me). I really don't know what it is. Could my iPod jack be cursed/damaged in a way that it breaks jacks that have been inserted? They didn't look visibly damaged at all. Maybe there were mysterious magnetic fields at work in the corner of my desk where I put the headphones down? Or, perhaps it was all a freak coincidence. They were fairly old headphones, and the newer ones have seen their share of abuse.

What now? Well, I guess I dig out the old ear buds that've been sitting in my summer jacket. If those suddenly cease to function, we'll know it's the iPod. But I will have come to that conclusion that by sacrificing three parts to discover the fourth is the issue. At least my iPod is still under warranty, and Apple is pretty quick with repairs. But my antiques are not, and that frikkin' sucks. Among many other things. Sigh.


-Cril

I hoped to find why this world wasn't glowing
Glowing it darkens as we end this ride
I've fallen back under the equator
I'm back inside, I'm back inside

When I find out what went on
I'll bring it back but it wont be easy
They wont believe the man he could
But I'd choose starseed over nothing
Nothing

Our Lady Peace - Starseed

Wish Liszt, 2008

The family is talking about knocking Christmas back a notch this year, specifically in the gift department. The idea is that you don't have to get anyone a gift unless you find something really good. And as much as I like this idea in principle (I'm not fond of getting stocking stuffers and gadgets I'll never touch twice), I still wanna get something for everyone. Which, as always, is turning out to be a rather difficult process. But on the plus side, I've figured out... 4 out of 11 peoples. But mind you, I actually haven't gotten any of these gifts yet - just merely the concepts. Oh boy...

But on a similar train of thought, here's what on my current list of "things to pick up if I happen to find them on the cheap and am in the mood to spend the appropriate amount of currency"

Albums & Movies:
Moby - Go
Blue Man Group - How to a Megastar Live
Frou Frou - Details
Ocean's Eleven OST
Ocean's Eleven
Cowboy Bebop OST
Dark Knight
Dark Knight OST

Technology & PC Games:
Basic/Used LCD Monitor (I gotta get rid of this other CRT...)
Headphones (my current ones are driving me NUTS)
Webcam (maybe)
Need for Speed Undercover
Mirror's Edge
Grand Theft Auto IV

Man... What a frikkin' bland list. No wonder I can't figure out what to get for other peoples - I barely even know what I want for myself. Oh well, with Left 4 Dead coming out on Tuesday, that should carry me through the holidays. On the far side of Christmas you can sometimes get screamin' deals on new game releases at some of the bigger chains.

I'll probably download the, erm, 'extended demo' of Need for Speed like I always do - although I own Underground, Underground 2, and Most Wanted, EA has a really harsh hit-and-miss average with the series. Undercover looks good so far, but I wanna make sure it's decent before throwing cash down on it. Mirror's Edge might be in a similar boat, but I think a 'limited' demo would give me a good idea of what to expect. If I find snorkin' good deals I may invest in Red Alert 3, Command and Conquer 3, Call of Duty 5... We'll see what else pops up. I just noticed IL-2 Sturmovik 1946 is on Steam for $10. I've been intrigued by that one for a while. I guess we'll see where I'm sitting after the holidays for it. Besides, Steam takes the American monies and our pathetic Canuck coins aren't worth nearly the same amount.

What a bumbling post. And now for something completely different:



So I told the boss(es) this week that I'll be staying in Calgary. Boss #1 offered to get me a Cintiq for work if I didn't move back home. Boss #2 says the funds may have to instead go towards a colour printer. While that sexy, sexy tablet would be so sexily-awesome, the colour printer(s) have been driving me NUTS. I hate those things, and would not be crushed if we got a new one that did what it was supposed to instead of El Cintiq. I'm fairly capable of performing my job as is, but it'd be a great tool to work with.

This week I really desperately need to book a flight to go home for the holidays. They're getting more and more expensive the longer I wait, and I really don't want to resort to taking a bus. Ugh. This means that I'll need to figure out when I can take time off work, which is an issue that has several long strings attached to several ugly problems. We're getting pretty close to less than a month from when the office closes, and we don't have a date set for the staff party. We don't even know where we're going or what we'll be doing there. Then there's the issue of when the bosses decide to leave the office - they'll need to delegate the task of watching the office to someone. This typically gets dumped on the friends/coworkers above me in seniority, which kinda sucks for them. I keep telling myself that I'm somehow entitled a decent pick of vacation because I'm the only one who's a province away from immediate family... But really, that makes a pretty lame-ass excuse for taking off early when there are others who should have first dibbs. /shrugs

I'll pitch it this week and keep my fingers crossed. We'll see what happens. Also, there are projects that have been sitting on desks waiting for approvals, and we're getting pretty darn close to cutoffs. Sigh... If I close my eyes and cover my ears will it all go away and end up being alright?
LALALALALALALALALALALA!
-Cril

Oh oh domino
Roll me over romeo
There you go
Lord have mercy
I said oh oh domino
Roll me over romeo
There you go
Say it again
I said oh oh domino
I said oh oh domino

Van Morrison - Domino

A stroll through an empty home.

I logged into my ye olde Hotmail account today. It was a bit like walking through an old house. The unread inbox had the odd junk mail like weeds popping up through random floorboards. There were odd cobwebs in the form of old newsletters I forgot I'd signed up for. The obligatory rodents peeking out from around a corner were the "THANK YOU FOR REGISTERING" emails from all those accounts I'd signed up for once but never used twice. But the depressing part was that all the furniture was stolen.

I'm a bit of a pack-rat, and I like to hold onto anything that ever held a shred of significance or could possibly become significant in the future. In reality most of it was a bunch of junk. Surveys, forwards, chain letters, etc. But what I really treasured was the plethora of email correspondence between old friends.

The first email I got from that chick I met at the crappy summer job. She'd turn out to be one of the best friends I'd ever have. There were nifty old and forgotten projects I'd worked on with buddies - animated gifs, the website we'd toiled over for an entire term, our first Photoshop experiments. The acceptance letter that got into a gaming clan, one that I'm still a member of today (even though almost everyone else has moved on).

There was an email where someone at school spilled the beans that I liked a certain girl. Another one or two from mutual friends who said she liked me too. One about how I needed to try to get out of my shell and make an effort for her. How I'd make her day just by asking her out. A dozen or so flirtatious messages between me and said girl. Some were long and detailed, others were short and to the point. There was the email where I pleaded with the best friend to drive 40mins just to come and sit with me; the girl I liked had split my heart clean in two.

There were funny jokes, school rumors, bits and pieces of assignments, both long and short term plans, some "where are you know" messages, and tons more "Thank you for registering" confirmations for sites that I've oh-so-long ago forgotten.

I guess I lost all of this because it had been so long since I last logged in. After things fell apart with the aforementioned girl I liked, I kind of lost reason to keep in contact with most of those people.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about all this. It's nice to have that history and dialogue there to fall back to. Read through the better memories and take note about what I could've done different to avoid the bad ones. On the other hand, it was chock-full of shards that resembled one of the less-enjoyable years of my life. Some things are better to forget and move on from.

I never really think of that girl anymore. I can't even remember the last time I talked to most of those 'mutual friends'. That best friend I met at the summer job and I have since drifted too far apart. I kept every piece of email correspondence I ever had with her.

So in some ways I guess it was all a changelog and narration of various relationships that have since dissipated into the wind. Part of me knows that there used to be so much more there. Part of me knows that I've long since walked away from it all, and lost conversations have no bearing on how I go about my day-to-day life.

And so I stand in this empty house. You can almost see the crop-cirles in the carpet where the old chair was and the faded sections of the wall that surround where the book case used to be. And all of it is actually nothing but a long lost series of 1's and 0's. Purged from a countless amount of other 1's and 0's swirling around a digital world to make room for more houses and homes.

Funny how that works.
-Cril

When I walk beside her
I am the better man
When I look to leave her
I always stagger back again

Once I built an ivory tower
So I could worship from above
When I climb down to be set free
She took me in again

There’s a big
A big hard sun
Beating on the big people
In the big hard world

Eddie Vedder - Hard Sun

War and Pieces

Today I started what is going to be a tradition. Generally, in the past, I don't really pay all that much attention to Remembrance Day. Don't get me wrong - I have the utmost respect for those who've served and sacrificed. But I end up taking the day off, and maybe I'll fire up some Day of Defeat, Call of Duty, or other war-themed game. It has a sense of black irony to it.

But today, tonight, not two minutes ago I finished watching Episode Six of Band of Brothers, titled 'Bastogne'. Out of all the episodes of all the shows, this has to be in my top five. The series itself focuses on the men of the American 101st Airborne Division, specifically Easy Company, and their involvement in the Second World War. The entire show is triple-A material, with incredible attention to detail and one of the strongest atmosphere's I've ever seen captured on film.

But Episode Six, in particular, is something special. It revolves around the company medic as he tries to hold his company together, while falling apart himself. It's really touching, and the harsh imagery of fresh snow lathered in even fresher blood hits it home. Now I'm not generally the kind who enjoys gore and grit, but 'Bastogne' somehow has an undefined appeal. Not the kind of 'check out this awesome action' appeal, but the kind of appeal that touches something a lot more... Fundamental to your soul. The compassion and friendship and loss and hatred really digs down deep, and really grabs at something that doesn't often get touched. Every time I watch it, my heart breaks a little bit more.

I don't know why I keep going back, but it's one of those things that I guess I can afford to do once a year. It immediately impacts my grasp at just what I'm trying to Remember. I truly can't craft sufficient words to put it into perspective. Chocolate bars, muttered phrases in French, spare boots, a blue handkerchief, syrettes and falling snow. They all up to so much more than just the sum of their parts.



Of course, today will also be of note in that a quirky and lovable family pet passed away. I don't have anything clever or wise to say, but it seems fitting in some ways and in others not at all to share the occasion. But I guess the feelings of loss and regret and thoughts of better times will be right at home.

Happy Remembrance Day.
-Cril

Do you see the soldiers they're out today
They brush the dust from bullet proof vests away
It's ironic at times like this you pray
But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday

Linkin Park - Hands Held High

I wish I knew exactly what I mean.

Y'know what I hate? Decisions. More specifically, the ones I have to make. Debate the reasons, pick an option, re-evaluate it incase you skipped something, try and come up with alternative, re-consider reasons, pick another option, get nervous, switch to the opposite, become unnerved by the fact you just switched, throw hands up in despair, etc etc ad nauseum. Lather, rinse, repeat. It's an efficient method, I know.

So it's with nervous mannerisms and cautious approach that I hereby quietly declare I'm staying put here in ye fine Alberta-country. The other option was to return to the lower-mainland and persue school there, but that'd seem like a step backwards considering that I'd need to find a decent job and a place to live (both of which I have here). And yet staying here is a bit of a step backwards as I've already moved here and back once about a year and a half ago, and I'm abandoning my old plan to go to school in Vancouver.

But that's alright, because that plan had about a good foundation as a pita full of mud. Even though staying here I have yet to conceive of a mud-filled pita goodness, I can do so from decent lodging after working at a decent job. S'all good.

Except for the point, y'know, where I need to figure out what to do with myself next.

And that I'll have to do tons of paperwork to change residencies.

And all that crap. Ugh.

I guess this is the part where I cross my fingers and hope for the best.


Moving on, I watched two movies this weekend. First of which was the new Indiana Jones movie, which you could immediately tell had a large influence from George Lucas. How, you ask, can you tell that? Well, it was littered with that special kind of suck that couldn't come from anywhere else. Most of all the horrible dialogue, plus throw-away characters that had no purpose, shoddy and abundant CGI, and a really really horrible story. Aliens? A UFO? Really? Ugh, George Lucas - butchering childhood memories one by one! Really, it was a horrible flick. It was nice to see Harrison Ford back in the role, but aside from that... There wasn't really anything appealing.

And then I watched Children of Men. Which, I have to say, had some incredible cinematography. I was blown away at how long some of those shots were. It was pretty gritty - the atmosphere was well captured. It was very V for Vendetta and 1984 esque. With a sprinkle of Half-Life 2 mixed in. For some reason it really didn't click with me, I had a hard time really enjoying it. But I could tell it was well done, I guess it just wasn't my cup of tea. Although, one thing bothered me - near the end they just walk right away after revealing the only newborn child to an entire building and platoon of soldiers. Seriously? How did they get away with that? Gah.

We're coming up on Christmas, which gives me mixed feelings. Don't give me wrong, I'm generally a fan of the season. It's just the whole gift-getting schtick that gets annoying. I have a genuinely good time when I know what to get, but that's generally the hardest part. I have... Say eleven people on my list. Of which, I have a whopping three figured out. It really makes me wonder how those people who buy for everyone and their dogs do it. Lots of gift cards, I'm sure. Hrmph.



Well, now's the part where I sync up the iPod with some more music to get me through the week. This is going to be a long one - while in your average business having the boss gone for two days would probably make things fun and go by quickly... We're getting dangerously close to Christmas and there's tons of stuff to get done. Woo, the joys of working in a small business...
-Cril

Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
It's the most remarkable word I've ever seen
Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
I wish I knew exactly what I mean
It starts out like an A word as anyone can see
But somewhere in the middle it gets awful QR to me
Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
If I ever find out just what this word can mean
I'll be the smartest bird the world has ever seen

Sesame Street - Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

Rorschach for Company

Turns out that an old friend acquaintance had a baby this week. She used to attend the same church as me many years ago. She's one of those bubbly love-and-talk-to-everybody people. Damn extroverts - they drive me nuts. Playing the "let's be friends!!" game like they're getting some kind of fix. Or sucking some sort of life force they need to survive the next five minutes.

I digress - we were never that close and even though we tried 'dating' (if you could call it that) there was absolutely nothing there to connect to. Those evenings go down as some of the most awkward I've ever had.

She may not be quite my age, perhaps a year or two younger, but already she's married and started a family. But the point I'm trying to navigate here is not our relationship, or how once semi-parallel paths have split in twain.

I guess this is all a painful and drawn-out segway into me trying to examine some sort of larger picture. If only life had a Google Maps-ish interface the job would be a lot easier. But it doesn't, and there's certainly an overwhelming lack of large 'A' and 'B' markers to point me in the right direction.

I don't know what I'm getting at to be honest. Just rambling, 'verbal throw-up', if you will. My thoughts are becoming increasingly frustrated, and sorting them out hasn't exactly been a fruit-bearing endeavour. (see this post as proof)



/shrugs

/walks away

-Cril

Snow on Election Day

There's something indescribably profound in spending an evening split between watching election results roll in and watching the first snow of the season drift down. I can't say what the significance is, exactly, but it just somehow feels... Appropriate. Never mind the fact that the elections are in who 'nother country.

To be perfectly honest, I was kind of surprised at how close it was. But I suppose that's what you get for getting the majority of your political news from internet-based social media. Heck, if Digg was even remotely as accurate as its readers treat the content, we'd all be hailing under the banner of Ron Paul at this point. I mentioned this thought to my friend/roommate, to which he replied, "Who's he?" I laughed. Oh the internet, you have so far to go.

I watched Obama's acceptance speech, and I felt it was pretty strong. There's definitely an air of something new on the horizon. Dare I even say it, "change". But I honestly have a hard time believing that politicians will turn out like they campaign to be. I doubt Obama will even remotely resemble the likes of a certain Mr Smith Who Went To Washington. Maybe he'll turn out to be just another mediocre head-of-state, and the country will stay on its current course.

But you can't help but feel from the sheer possibility that we could be on the edge of something new and better.
-Cril

Me used to be a angry young man
Me hiding me head in the sand
You gave me the word, I finally heard
I'm doing the best that I can

I've got to admit it's getting better
A little better all the time (It can't get no worse)
I have to admit its getting better, it's getting better
Since you've been mine (Getting so much better all the time)

Beatles - Getting Better

I've been working on a cocktail...

BOOYAH! CHECK THIS ACTION OUT!

CS-Nation Left 4 Dead Contest

BAHAHAHAHA!

Cough. Ahem.

I went to bed at about 11:15 last night - I'd been secretly refreshing the site throughout the day without any results. No updates. No updates. Get work done. Still no updates. So I was lying there and I knew that, yes, the last thing I did before shutting the computer down was check for the update that obviously wasn't there. But that was a whole twenty minutes ago. So I reached over to my desk, groping around in the dark until... Voila! The iPod! I turned it on and was promptly blinded by the screen. Lo and behold, I connected to the wifi and sat squirming during the excruciatingly tedious loading of the site. And was instantly rewarded. I didn't enlarge the page, I just saw saw my screen name at the top of the post under "GRAND PRIZE WINNERS", and promptly turned off the iPod. That's all I needed to know. I didn't fall asleep for another hour.

Okay, so I admit that there are three other "Grand Prize Winners", but I take some solace in the fact that my entry is the very first one listed. And by "my entry" I totally mean "our entry". This piece is no less than a week old - it was announced on Monday and I immediately knew I didn't stand a chance without my go-to-guy Vader "draw the freaky-est zombies you've ever seen" OnIce. He did all the line-work, aside from two of my scraggly survivors and a cooler in the barricade. He drew straight for two or three evenings, and I coloured straight for two more. By then the short deadline of Saturday had approached and we fired in the submission. And promptly kicked all sorts of ass.

And it's not necessarily about the prize - we're going to have issues figuring out just how to split it up and get it from A to B. It's all about the satisfaction of knowing that all the hard work paid off. So many times you chug and chug away at something, thinking "This is going to be AWESOME!", only for it to turn out semi-mediocre. And no one notices and the world moves on. But it's so nice to having something that you really put solid effort into become recognized. I guess it's validation, really. For all the occasions when something falls flat on it's face, it's nice to know that you're not always yelling into the dark. Sometimes someone yells back. And that is the best part. It's nice to have someone else be able to pull something you've done out of a pile, and say "Yes, this one is noteworthy."



Best. Feeling. Ever.
-Cril

I've been working on a cocktail called Grounds for Divorce
Whoah
Polishing a compass that I hold in my sleep
Whoah
Doubt comes in on sticks but then he kicks like a horse
Whoah
There's a Chinese cigarette case
And the rest you can keep
And the rest you can keep
And the rest you can keep

Elbow - Grounds for Divorce

Cheat codes, anticipation, decisions, and used processors.

You know what's odd? The kind of random, pointless and utterly USELESS information tends to hold onto. And yet, some days I can't remember my bank number or how to perform operation x on the company website. For example, my first ever first-person shooter was Star Wars Dark Forces, which was released in 1995. This may quite have possibly been the next significant game in my history right after Commander Keen. BUT, what amazes me today is that I remember cheat codes for that game. For invincibility type in 'laimlame', free weapons and ammo was 'lapostal', and if you wanted to automatically scale any given ledge or cliff to get to the above platform there was good ol' 'lapogo'. That got me through many a tough mission.

Now surely there's no possible use for any of this. I seriously doubt I could even play Dark Forces on any computer today. But if I could... I'd be able to get around the first level blind-folded and be able to find the easter egg on the second (with the help of lapogo) where your ship is about a foot long.

I really don't know what to say regarding the last week. I spent a day out with Eric bumming around town checking out computer shops, and nary an AMD 939 was found. Also, used LCD's are surprisingly expensive - I'd be better off keeping an eye out at NCIX for a good deal.

From Wednesday through Friday, though, I spent 90% of my free time on an art contest. I even stayed up til 1AM on a work night, no less. Basically the contest came out of nowhere, and me and Frank put our heads together to bang up a decent entry. As with Cocuyo, he did the fantastic lines while I added in the colour. So rather than winding up for and celebrating Halloween, I spent my time colouring zombies and survivors in a wonderfully dark post-apocalyptic scene. Below is probably the best element we produced, although I think the whole piece was pretty solid.



Our entry will have been judged this weekend, but we'll find out how we did tomorrow. I have my fingers crossed - I think we put a lot of effort into it and came out with something well done. But at the same time, I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Hah, I can't believe I'm getting worked up over something so trivial as an internet contest. Sigh.

As for finding other things out this week too, we'll see what America's made of come Tuesday. Getting most of my information from the interwebs such as the wonderfully unbiased and fair Digg (HAH!), I have a sneaking suspicion that my idea of how things will go down is fairly biased. I can't say with certainty that candidate X is better than candidate Y, because all the pro-X stuff is wildly supported while the criticisms are wildly suppressed. One thing's for sure, though, all the racial/prejudice stories that have turned up scare me. I'm not calling out all Americans and saying that they're supremacist rednecks - I'm pretty sure we have our fair share up here in Canuckland. It's so depressing to see the lack of tolerance and feelings of equal rights. Part of me wants Obama to win just so I can see all the anti-muslim and anti-black people eat their words.

The Left 4 Dead demo drops this week, on the sixth I think. I dunno how much farther I'll get in FarCry by then, but I can't be totally certain I'll pick it back up once the full L4D release arrives. That, and I'm eagerly anticipating Need for Speed Undercover. I think I'd much rather have the Grid expansion, but NFS has always delivered some good mindless fun.

And now for the customary syncing up of the iPod for the upcoming work week. A few podcasts, some lesser-played songs from my library so I can decide to delete them, and the odd straggler tracks I have collecting in my download folder.

So, America, good luck with your democracy-ing this week. I may have made an important decision by weeks end, if all goes well. Stay tuned...
-Cril

Sing a song of six-pence for your sake
And drink a bottle full of rye
Four and twenty blackbirds in a cake
And bake 'em all in a pie

Rod Stewart - Handbags and Gladrags

Bend an ear and listen to my version of a really solid Tennisee excursion

POW! Tuesday-tastic post time. I'll probably be quick, I'm mainly here to note and celebrate sketch #300. Which, if I do say so myself, turned out pretty well. I'm surprised I only spent about 30-40mins on it:



Some bad news came down the pipes the other day. I bought a new computer based mostly on the ground that my family was buying old machine from me. Lo and behold, it looks like somehow the processor came out during shipping and about a quarter of the pins got significantly bent. My brother tried to fix it... But one of said pins came off completely. FRICK. I'm not sure how they'll proceed for now - it'll cost at least $60 to buy a similar socket CPU, but it'd only be single core. So at best I'd still get about $140, at worst... I just threw $200 and the reason for my upgrade away. And it especially sucks because those are good components, and I'd really hate for them to go to waste. Sigh.

On the plus side, I sold one of my 9600GT's. Basically with the motherboard and case layout, the second card was positioned so close to the bottom that there was very little air circulation, causing it to overheat quickly. BUT, a roomate bought it off of me for $100, so I've pretty much regained my loss. AND I can use two monitors at once!

Speaking of which, fun fact: A CRT monitor distorts the signal a Wacom Tablet uses. The closer said tablet is to said monitor, the more the cursor starts to jitter. I was afraid it was some bizarre hardware issue, but upon shifting my posture and moving the tablet closer to compensate I discovered the shaky cursor stopped. Good to know.

I had an epiphany this past week: The clarinet section in the Glenn Miller Orchestra's performance of Chattanooga Choo Choo is emulating a train whistle! HAH! Who'da guessed?! Listen to it you'll be amazed. Be amazed, primarilly, at the fact I've never figured it out sooner. Kinda pathetic, really.
-Cril

You leave the Pennsylvania Station 'bout a quarter to four
Read a magazine and then you're in Baltimore
Dinner in the diner
Nothing could be finer
Than to have your ham an' eggs in Carolina

Glenn Miller Orchestra - Chattanooga Choo Choo

Ramblings a-plenty

Woohoo, another conclusion to another crappy week right before the likely start of another crappy week. I'm not trying to sound incredibly pessimistic, but it's just how it;s going to be. Y'see, there's a big looming promotional project at work that is supposed to be done and sent out for customers to receive, well... About now. But of course, not only has it not been sent to print yet but it's still has about 1/4 of the work to be done. This project was kind of dragging its feet along the ground since mid-summer, and a few weeks ago my boss completely dumped it on my shoulders, telling me it was now my complete responsibility. At first it felt like a weight was lifted - I was in power to make the changes and get it all done and out of the way. But since then there've been small disasters here and there. Some that merely took me away from working on el projecto grande, and others that, well... Meant I'd need to revisit a significant portion of the content. This has a LOT to do with the plummeting Canadian dollar, and how it'll effect retail prices of everything under the sun. So, in short... As things speed up for Christmas, I just don't know if I can tackle what needs to be done a) on time and b) without getting reassigned to other pressing matters. What to do, what to do...

In other news, a ye fine media roundup:

Heroes is still kinda sucking. Too confusing and convoluted, and a few other niggling problems along the way. The problem is that no character has a strong foundation. I'm not griping that character development is preventing the show from being predictable, far from it. Take a look at Battlestar Galactica - my holy grail of plot and story development. Those characters are always in flux, but it's so smooth and well done how all the little things add up.

Heroes, on the other hand, tends to throw such bizarre plot predicaments at the characters that it doesn't add or modify to the existing personality, it totally rewrites it. Voila, Peter loses his memory. Voila, now he has Sylar's "power" and has been inexplicably turned into a psycho-killer. Hiro has a vision and as a result doubts his closest friend. Nathan has a near-death experience that completely changes his outlook on life, and BANG not four episodes later it's reversed.

These are all mega-huge changes that alter the very foundation of the character. The is no development, only completely overwriting what originally existed there in the first place. As a result, I'm not longer really attached to any of the characters, because well, they don't stay that way for more than two episodes.

And for the record Hayden Panettiere does a horrible job of acting a badass agent.

In other news, Top Gear is still amazing. I've blown through about a season-and-a-half in the past week or two. I can't wait for the show to return (November 2nd, to anyone who's wondering)

The Office is good stuff so far. Unlike a certain other show *COUGH*, the character development is really a pleasure to watch. They do a good job of portraying what they're going through. And all this from a comedy show with a bizarre premise. It's truly a unique hybrid, and some days I can't believe how they manage to pull it off. They must have a fantastic team of writers.

In the world of gaming, I've now been able to put my new system to the test with Far Cry 2. To my excitement, when I loaded the 'recommended' settings for the game, everything was at VERY HIGH. BAHAHAHAHA! Such a wonderful feeling. A few notes about the game itself: it has a very unique presentation, the atmosphere is solid and there are plenty of small touches that make it feel like a grittier kind of game. Repairing your car, pulling a bullet out of your leg before you bleed out, having buddies coming to pick you up when you do, exploding ammo dumps, wildfires... There's so many things that build up to a much more substantial and impressive whole. Having to constantly travel so much is a bit of a bummer though, as is finding some of the hidden brief cases. There are always such issues attributed to giving the player free roam of such and expansive area. More bus stop/warp zones and maybe some para-gliders would be nice.

But by far, the best aspect of this game is the environment. Never before in a game have I been able to stand at almost any given location on the map and be presented with a breathtaking vista. I can't believe how many 'whoa' moments I've had - sunrises, sunsets, valleys, hills, trees, an oasis... It's all so incredibly gorgeous. Even looking up at the night sky in exquisite. I seriously can't describe it - for a virtual environment I have never seen anything that remotely compares. Even the packs of roaming animals caused me to say say "WOW!" out loud. I thought I was being fired upon after hearing a "thomp thomp thomp" getting closer, as I crouched in the brush. But lo and behold and pack of four or five zebras just blew by. For a virtual and interactive environment, it blows me away.

Is it worth a buy? After I beat the erm, extended demo, version I'll decide. Don't get me wrong, it has many merits but a mediocre and hard-to-follow story. And the travel times are just so brutal.

I've played some Spore over the past, oh... Three weeks or so. It's a unique and visionary game, but I just can't connect to it. Maybe it's the complete lack of direction or narrative. But each stage seems somewhat shallow and redundant and obligatory. I've gotten to the beginning few missions of the space stage and really lack all desire to go on. Playing with the vehicle creator tools was fun, but as flexible as it is there are some basic issues that get on my nerves. Why is everything the same size? Why does 90% of the design choice have NO bearing on the usability or effectiveness?

But Frank says I really need to try Dead Space. Something about great sound design at atmosphere. I keep telling him that tense horror games aren't my thing, but he doesn't seem to listen. I think he wants to see me break down into uncontrollable tears as I try to unsuccessfully rock myself to sleep. We'll see - I may give it a go for the first level or two just so I can partake in some of the game's critically acclaimed features.

Some people read books, some people watch movies. I play video games. That's my thing. I like to look at the little-bitty parts that make up a game and bisect them. I'd like to think it isn't just mindless wasting away of the hours - I truly enjoy paying attention to the finer details and seeing how they all fit together. Seeing if I can exploit problems with the AI, finding out just how they cheat when I can't. I appreciate the slick character animations, observe clipping errors as a result of poor map design, and twitch at jarring sound design. And of course I get totally consumed by a strong narrative and thrill at using my supplies as effectively as the level layout permits. I know there's still a large sentiment out there that video games are the lesser-form of entertainment and media, but I couldn't disagree more. I guess some days, like today, I feel inexplicably compelled to defend myself.



A city is still an ugy thing, especially after I try to draw it. This is the first step of a piece I'm trying to refine, so maybe by next week I'll have the finished version. In the mean time I apparently need to listen to more of Spoon's catalogue, finish the Top Gear episode I started, and read a bit before bed. And then begin another crazy week. Ugh. Believe it or not, I have a sticky note I put in my iPod case with a list of a half-dozen things I wanted to mention here and I somehow managed to ramble on without touching on a single one of them. And it's getting embarrassingly late, I think I started this at least forty minutes ago. Sigh...
-Cril

I had a friend named Ramblin' Bob
Who used to steal gamble and rob
He thought he was the smartest guy in town
But I found out last Monday
That Bob got locked up Sunday
They've got him in the jailhouse way down town
He's in the jailhouse now he's in the jailhouse now
I told him once or twice quit playin' cards and shootin' dice
He's in the jailhouse now

Soggy Bottom Boy - In The Jailhouse Now

Four years is a long time.

I can't even begin to imagine all those crazy people like doctors or lawyers who go for six to eight years of education. That is not my cup of tea. This weekend I took a quick gander at the graphic design programs/schools within Calgary. As it turns out, from what I can tell anyways, there's only one institution that offers training in modern/digital graphic design, and they only really have two programs for it. Both of which take four years to complete. Ugh.

It's not that I'm necissarily against learning something new and doing the work to prove it. Ok, well maybe all the work isn't an inviting idea. BUT, my problem with school is that it's so expensive and takes up so much of your time. Why would I spent four years of my life spending most of my day at school, a few hours at work to make ends meet, and a few hours at home doing assignments? I mean, even then I'm still running int he red and will probably either deplete my savings in a rapid manner or have to lean on the student loans that'll take me five years to pay off. All the while I could just be working a normal job, earning my so-so wage and trying to build myself a financial foundation to stand on. Of course the reasoning behind school is that once to finish it, you'll earn more anyways and a better job. Hmph.

I dunno, post-secondary still rubs me the wrong way. I didn't really enjoy much of the year of general studies. Sure the topics were interesting and I leaned some good stuff, but my bank account drained out alarmingly fast and I hated the school culture and I didn't enjoy the work. I guess it must be one of the necessary evils of growing up and coming into your own. I want to improve my skills, I just want to be able to do it without... Anything else associated with post secondary education.

I was hoping for a two year program - get in, get out, get a mediocre job and move on with things. I don't need a lot of money to get by - I have simple tastes and am not that extravagant. A new computer every 2-3 years, a decent car... And that's about it, really. I have a really hard time feeling comfortable with spending so much of my life in a financial and mental hole that is school. It just... Doesn't entice me at all. Very few people grow up to be great, with influence and prestige and wealth. And chances are, I'm not immune to that generalization at all. Why would I be?

But everyone keeps saying that school is a must. I just don't get it. It's almost maybe even tempting to go and do a 9-month program in aircraft maintenance or pharmacy assistance or something. Just to get it out of the way so I can move on. I guess I'm in a bit of a limbo right now - not wanting to go to school, knowing I should, and not making enough as is to really make do on my own.
-Cril

We get high in backseats of cars
We put faith in our concerns
Fall in love to down the streak
We believe in the sum of ourselves

And that's the way we get by to
Way we get by
Aw that's the way we get by to
Way we get by
And that's the way we get by to
Way we get by to
Way
And that's the way we get by
That's the way we get by

Spoon - The Way We Get By

A city is an ugly thing.

Maybe it's an outrageous over-generalization, but I've been to a few. San Fransisco, Vancouver, Ottawa, Calgary... Okay, perhaps not so many as I thought. Either way, my point remains. Each city may have had it's own charm - whether it be a sea-side view, nice parks, unique monuments, etc - but the majority of it is dusty and unorganized. It smells like sweat; people sweat, car sweat, building sweat. But above all, it's just so crowded. There are so many people trying to make their own little spider web to catch their own little personal flies. And I suppose in some way this is a thing of beauty, I can appreciate how so many people can be packed so close together and run around from point to point in pursuit of an unobtainable unicorn of an objective.

But take a look, and watch this big mutant of brick and mortar breathe. There's no uniformity. Roads go every which way, no two buildings look the same, and every citizen has it's own idea what this gigantic lumbering hulk should do with the next breathe. A breathe of murky, smog-ridden sky.

And then there's the lights. It's so misleading how something so unpleasant is littered with these little slivers of brightness. They light the bizarre and unused roads and the unique worn down buildings and dirty alleys and trash dumpsters. But from a distance, on top a hill, it's like you're staring up instead of down. So many stars. So few celestial bodies.

Some days living, working, and sweating in a city drives me nuts. Probably because they're are so many of us people with no direction, trying to prove to the world that we're more special than all the mis-matched buildings we inherit. Except there are so many more buildings and even more directionless. Is this the pinnacle of society? Is the modern city as good as it gets, a cultural hub of technology and infrastructure and life?



-Cril

But all of these horses
That you chase around
In the end they are the ones
That always bring you down
This invisible city
Where no one sees nothing
We're touching faces in the dark
Feelin' pretty is so hard

The Wallflowers - Invisible City