So sue me, I spent the last portion of the year in a bathtub with the lights off and candles on. And after the faraway fireworks faintly tapped at our windows and the missus left for bed, I remained in the household deep. My fingers and lobes finally achieved a parity of wrinkle density, so went for a mental drive. My inner roads were slippery, partially thanks to the cider and champagne, but I managed as I cruised through whatever portion of 2021 I managed to retain in my mental landscape. I did some some year-end accounting as I drove through. Let's have a look.
Expense: Money. A lot of it. The most I've ever seen go out the door in a year. A bit of money for cars and hobbies (which, in my case, appear to be one and the same), some for gifts, some for odds and ends. But most of it ended up going towards...
Income: A house. Yup. Never thought it would happen, to be honest. I figured I'd be a perpetual renter so I wouldn't have to put up with property taxes and roof repairs. Yet here I am. Women do funny things to a guy, apparently, and now we're moved in to a home so new that it's never been lived in before. Coming up next: furnishings, storage, and a garage.
Expense: The house and move have left me with some weird anxiety. After moving twice within the last ~4 months, I can't help but look around my half-settled belongings and think about what it's going to take to get it all packed up and moved again. We recycled a bunch of cardboard boxes we packed stuff in - won't we need that? And the giant Ikea shopping spree we just completed will bring more furniture and accessories that'll be a pain to lift up into a moving truck. I know, I know. We're in a house we built. We're not likely to be going anywhere any time soon, but I can't help but think about it. I guess the whole thing has consumed me pretty well for most of the year, so it shouldn't be surprising.
Income: I've figured out how to trade stocks. A couple shares of GME which will never go anywhere, of course, but more importantly: options. And not buying them either, that's a sucker's game. Nope, I've been selling options. I'm not getting rich over the token amount I've dedicated to this little financial experiment, but so far I've been beating the standard 4-6% gain most financial institutions say you can expect from mutual funds and ETFs. My early results are encouraging, but I have no idea where things will go. For now it's helping me fund my automotive-based compulsions.
Expense: Employment that disappeared two days before Thanksgiving. I want to say that I knew I was on borrowed time, but the truth is that I thought I had found an organization complacent enough to let me keep coasting through. 'Twas not to be. It was a good job to lose, though, because in return for their meagre salary I was paying out in small chunks of soul. I knew it was taking a toll on me, but I needed that kick in the ass to get going.
Income: Salary. So get this, I was laid off and was paid out for three weeks as final notice, plus unused vacation pay. Within days I was able to slide into a temporary position with a regular client. About a month later I had an offer on the table from another organization for a handsome increase over what I was making before. It appears that I've moved up in the world with some uncanny grace. Which is actually just dumb luck all dressed up.
Expense: Time. So much time. On top of my full time work, I'm sorting out an estate on the side. It's kind of fascinating, to be honest. I'm learning all kinds of things and talking to interesting people. And in sorting out the remnants of this person's life, I've managed to construct a pretty good portrait of what they were like in life. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes sad, sometimes it leaves me feeling regret for things undone and unsaid. Not for this person I knew, but just as a human having a human life. This lady hoarded all sorts of things and people and money, and died in pain in a hospital bed. She had such grand plans and resources to pursue them, right up until she was in a semi-conscious state and her stats began sliding. I guess there's an emotional expense that goes with this role, as I've taken charge for a someone's shadow.
Income: So many video games. I've been enjoying F1 2021, but I need to learn to race without rewinds or saves. I also got Half-Life Alyx, Deathloop, Rocksmith, and a handful of small indy titles over the last few months. As gifts, no less. I have so much to play that, for the first time in a long time, I won't buy anything during the Steam Winter Sale. Weird.
Expense: Expectations of time management. That Rocksmith game also came with a gift certificate for an electric guitar. I've been wanting to learn for a while now. But what about all those empty sketchbooks I have? And unread books? And bikes and cars and cooking and all those things I feel compelled to do? It's easy to throw down resolutions at this time of year. PLOP! Like a damp rag slapped against the pavement, it makes an impressive sound and impact. But then you've gotta pick it up, do something constructive, and clean up the impact's mess. And committing to all those goals at once either means not being able to enjoy the process or just outright failure. I don't know how to balance that. Do a Thing a Month? Maybe.
Income: Calories. And as my metabolism slows and I turn to stress eating, they tend to accumulate. I've gotta get this under control in the new year. It's an easy goal to declare, though, as you come out of the holidays and gorging yourself on every manner of sweet, fat, and salt. Part of me misses being single when I could operate on an indulgent schedule that included an hour at the gym every day. But that's only half of it; I need to cut the intake first. I have obesity on both sides of the family, and I'd like to nip this in the bud before a drift out of a healthy BMI.
So where do the totals leave me? I'm getting settled in a new home at the beginning of a new year, and it feels like it should be a new beginning. But we all move all those possessions along with us, including the emotional baggage. Those didn't even need a UHaul rental. I think the year will start off on the right step, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm playing QWOP 2022. But as long as there's forward movement, who needs elegance?
-Cril
Reality is sharp
It cuts at me like a knife
Everyone I know
Is in the fight of their life
And I believe there's a better way
Ben Harper - Better Way
