I'm getting really tired of being entertained. Being targeted and catered to as if I am, and we all are, the most common denominator on the lowest shelf. You know what I'm talking about: the cringey thumbnails, the clickbaity titles that you WON'T BELIEVE, and the narrators that take the most trivial fact and stretch and pull it out to a ten minute video that's treated as life and death. And don't forget the ads, of the pre and post roll variety, that sell a product that doesn't matter with the most trite attempt at humour. Next up: more of the same videos on autoplay, but made with a slightly lower target IQ in mind. You want to say it's just a series of small steps downward, but we all know it's an escalator. It's moving slow enough that we don't notice the destination as we gawk at the pretty lights to the left and right.
I think Reddit in particular has let me down recently. As all good technological endeavors, it has recently starting worshiping via Algorithmic Communion. Once you open a couple links, it has decided that you've locked in your interests and there shall be no deviation. Hopefully you liked that goofy cat video and the road rage incident, because that's 90% of what you're going to see from here on out. And because there's infinite scrolling, you're going to get a lot of it.
My brain is turning into mush as a result. First off, yes, the dopamine drip feed has rewired my head to seek out the quick little fixes. Why waste time on something substantial when a thirty dozen memes in a row will suffice? What, didn't you hear? Long form communication is dead. If it isn't a short video, GIF, or image with pithy caption, it isn't worth consuming. Your brain has a maximum character count, and you best stay within it.
The second is the overoptimization of it all. Thumbnails made to eke out every last view and whatnot. Less thinking and more consuming, please. It's the most benign form of being plugged in to the Matrix: an endless well to drink from with no regards for how much you've drank so far. Did you know that over hydration can make you lethargic? But pay that no mind, because now the water is flavoured and comes in nifty little shot glasses! How fun! Have another!
This all becomes a played out imitation of the cautionary articles and old folk ramblings about technology and its impact on society. We all know how it goes, and suffice it to say that I'm seeing more and more of the symptoms manifest in my life.
I've gotten sick of Reddit, as I mentioned. So sue me, that's my one social media vice, but it's getting to be too much. Too optimized. It's less the Front Page of the Internet as what was once touted, and now an Optimized Content Engagement Fest. I still like being connected to the outside world, so I'm glad I discovered old.reddit.com, where the typography is terrible but the content is untargeted and paginated. I'll allow myself to look at the first page, but no further. A step in the right direction, right?
I didn't understand just how dire the situation had become until I adopted my new self-imposed restriction. There's this grey, misty space somewhere between after dinner chores and bed where you're not ready to call it a night but you don't want to really lock into anything too cumbersome. Enter what would be doomscrolling through the evening hours. But instead now I found myself with the uncomfortable realization that I didn't know how to spend time with myself. I was at a total loss on how to proceed, and it scared me at how dependent I've become on the cheapest, most effortless forms of distraction.
Following a suggestion from a friend and that appealed to my inner and inevitable quest to become a cranky old man, I've picked up Sudoku. It doesn't really scratch, but it does semi-aggressively rub the itch of easy distraction. Plus it lets me pretend to engage my brain. It's a bit of manual mental labour in exchange for some dopamine gruel. Please sir, I want some more.
Here's where we introduce the concept of spending quality time with yourself. For me there's a difference between what I want to do and what I end up doing. I don't really want to cruise memes and dumb YouTube videos. When I'm at work or stuck in traffic, I don't find myself saying, "Wow, I could really go for fifty low effort comments about a shit post right now!" I'd rather draw something or noodle on a ukulele or play the next chapter of that game. None of those things are really productive, but they're engaging and give me a bit of something in return. The social media feed? Let's be honest, you're lucky if you go, "Heh" once for every hundred posts. It's a low-resistance, motorized hamster wheel for your consciousness.
So I'm trying to be a bit more conscious about how I'm spending my free time. This rambling blog post, for example. We'll see how long it sticks, but I've been feeling more and more desperate to retain a sense of self among the onslaught of the Digital Culture Wars. We're simultaneously recruits and bystanders, you know. And this great big Branded Content Machine is determined to flatten us all for the sake of clicks and ad impressions. Perhaps this is my attempt to check myself into a field hospital, but the roar of cannons are never far away. Some say it even fills up your pockets and follows you around.
It's now late and I'm now tired. I don't know how to bring this thing to an elegant close. But I didn't waste the evening gorging on mental garbage, so that's a start.
-Cril
Don’t tell me that you love me
I’ve got nothing left in turn
Except this empty bag of promises
And second degree burns
On the tips of my fingers
From touching certain fruit
That I never should have touched in the first place
Well the sky’s raining fire
But I think I’ll go to bed
Because there ain’t much you can do
When it burns down on your head
Except pray and beg for mercy
From this hell that you created
On the corner of Satan and St. Paul
John Fullbright - Satan and St. Paul
