One of these things just doesn't belong

So, I had an... Interesting social experience last night. I was invited to a friend's place for a bit of a housewarming BBQ. I arrived, set up a bit, people arrived, left to repark my car so it wasn't in front of a hydrant, helped with frying some burgers, etc. Pretty good start to the evening. A few people started drinking with dinner. I don't do da booze, myself, but whatever. Then we finished eating... and people kept drinking. And drinking. A few joints got passed around. People did shots. More drinking. I knew there would be some BBQ dinner... What I didn't know was that it was an excuse to gather and get hammered. The red flags should've been that girl that arrived with a bottle of gin that she continually drank from all evening.

It was quite interesting, actually. I'll admit that I've never been around people in the process of getting thoroughly smashed. Some people got bold and annoying, some got silly, and others spouted that wonderful brand of uninformed personal philosophy. Some people got pretty touchey-feely, and there were many man hugs to be seen. Quite amusing, really.

Everyone had the same reaction when they came in and saw me - "Hey, it's CHRIS!" And, really, it's probably the first time I've seen any of them outside of campus. And they were all happy and friendly, but the message was immediately apparent: I don't usually attend this kind of shindig. And really, I wasn't even expecting to. I thought it would be a nice, relaxed barbeque, rather than a furious race to liver damage. And you know what... If I would've known, I can't say that I would've gone.

You see, it certainly is not my shindig. I mean, hey, being a pretty introverted dude means that I'm typically more of an observer at parties anyways. The fact that I didn't drink/smoke just amplified that 100 times over. It's more than just being a certain personality type - I wasn't even operating on the same mental plane as the rest of them. Heck, I don't even quite know how to socially interact with thoroughly inebriated people. Nobody said it, but everyone saw it: I'm a stick-in-the-mud extraordinaire. I sat and people-watched, and made a bit of polite chatter here and there. I mostly sat around, listened to other people, watched the sunset, and generally felt rather uncomfortable. Heck, I didn't even have much to say that wasn't work or school related. I don't understand the cultural references or recognize the music that was playing. I, simply, did not belong.

Which is kind of scary. I spend a lot of time with these people in class, and think I know them reasonably well. For the most part, they're a good bunch of people. But I don't have anything in common with them, aside from the lowest common denominator - school. I don't know if it's sad, pathetic, or a bunch of other similar metonyms. It is what it is. And what it is, is that I'm a socially boring dude.

Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. People are wired differently, with totally separate priorities. And mine don't really align with any of those found at that unexpected party. Heck, it was probably understood (by everyone except myself) that by "barbeque at Mike's new place" it meant "chance to raise blood alcohol levels to a positive integer". At one point it was declared that there would be no further discussion regarding school. And immediately, I realized that I had nothing further to contribute to anything. How does this work, anyways? I can be close with and enjoy the company of these people while inside the studio, but as soon as we step off the premises I have nothing to make a connection on. We'll chalk this up to having to do with something about fish being out of water.

So, when it was decided to spend the rest of the evening (when it was already 11PM) at a local club, I concocted some sort of ruse to head home. Something having to do with commissioned pieces I had to work on, I think. The host immediately gave me a private lecture, saying with concern how he was worried for me, that I was wasting away and how college years are for having fun and making experiences, and just think about that time we'll be able to talk about when Chris got as high as a kite and went to the pub and made out with that chick. Riiiight. Let's just say that he seemed to have a different drink in his hand every time I saw him over the course of the evening. I see his point, to a degree, and his boozed musings aside, there might be something there to ponder further.

Alas, I stuck to my guns. And when they all started strolling down the block towards the club, I went in the other direction towards my parked car. A girl with whom I've only had the odd conversation at school with gave me a big hug and said it was nice to see me. There were many hand shakes all around, and overall I got the kind of attention that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have received had they not been so thoroughly plastered.

And so I walked out of there, rolled the car windows down and truly enjoyed the drive home. A little bit of Abbey Road and that mixture of simultaneously cool and warm summer night air goes a long way. And I couldn't help but feel like, from their point of view, that I had just stepped back into the fog. So beige and so plain, so quickly forgotten. I probably won't see them for the rest of the summer, as I work and not party away the remainder of the season so rapidly drying up and withering away. I don't hold it against them, they're nice people. Not an ill thing was said or done towards me all evening. It was just... Not my thing. To quote a certain song and change the contextual adverbs, I didn't know what hell I was doing there, I didn't belong there.

It's a bit disparaging to discover one more group that I don't quite fit in with. Especially one that I've spent a huge amount of time with, and will continue to do so for the next two years. It's like there are five different puzzles with the pieces mixed together. They're all in the middle of being assembled, and I'm constantly jamming my piece in here and there, trying to be a part of some, any bigger picture. So far I've mainly found the wholes that I can't seem to match up with. But that's okay. I'm sure that there are more loose pieces like me floating around. It's just a matter time before we're spun and flipped and locked into place to create something wonderful. Or so I like to tell myself.
-Cril

PS- Achievement Unlocked - Write about a drinking party without using the word 'drunk', or using one of its synonyms more than once.

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

Brandi Carlile - Creep