What I Did('nt Do) With My Summer

So school starts tomorrow. As usual, I'm feeling rather uneasy about everything. Nervous for the start of another year of late nights and instant disgusto-noodle suppers. But it's my last year, right? That's gotta count for something - in theory, this will be the last time that September should have particularly uncomfortable connotations. But alongside these unfortunate associations that grate against the wall of my brain, I inevitably find myself questioning if I have made the most of my summer.

Four months ago, I made myself a set of worth-while goals, like

• draw once a day for the first two months.
• work on design stuff for the last two months.
• do a self-branding identity.
• create a portfolio website.
• go to an optometrist.
• finish a dormant personal art-ish piece.
• clean out some crap in my closets.
• run 5km in 20 minutes or less.
• work my way through a long set of guitar lessons.
• become more fluent with the mandolin.
• get some new/better-fitting clothes.
• work 60 hours/week to save for school.
• spend a day in the park by the river with a friend, playing instruments.
• play some Battlefield 3 with another friend. 
• drive a solo day trip out to nowhere.

I got part way through the first goal before petering out. I did spend a few morning playing instruments with a friend, and a few hours here and there doing some gaming. But the rest of those, for the most parts were barely touched, if at all. I failed miserably.

But then I stopped and thought... What about all the things I did do? Such as

• spent five weeks in charge at the office while the bosses were away.
• went to Vancouver for a business trip.
• went to Prince George for a few days to meet with my grandparents.
• got tossed around by heart problems (or, shall I say, problems of the heart).
• crashed/totalled a car.
• bought and started to become comfortable shooting with a DSLR.
• bought and started playing a melodica.
• went on my first vacation.
• got my dentist work up to date (over 5 or so appointments).
• wrote/produced a 10,000 word analysis report at work.
• worked 50hrs/week.
• connected with close friends I hadn't spent time with in a while. Held a baby for the first time.
• read a novel for the first time in a long time.
• house sat for four weeks, dog sat for one (two dogs, mind you).

And so I find myself wondering... Is that good enough? Is it okay that I didn't accomplish my goals when I ended up doing so much else? I know that the car accident totally threw a stick in the spokes of my summer, and pushed me off a ledge into a pretty nasty depression. It was so debilitating that I couldn't draw or write or run for quite some time. Needless to say, totaling the car robbed me of my solo day trip, too. There also was a lot of interpersonal upheaval that I struggled through.

The things that brought me the most satisfaction, though, was the time I spent doing things with other people. It's probably the least solitary I've been since... Sometime in highschool, probably. But sitting and joking around, making music together, sitting still and enjoying the scenery, going on odd drives around the city, sharing a movie, sharing a meal, gaming, chatting, discussing all things great and trivial... I found it unusually satisfying. Spending time with other people is important, methinks. I still needed (and craved) my moments of isolation, but some days being with good company was the best I could ask for.

But I didn't do my portfolio site or fix my pieces or make an identity, like a good little design student should've. Compounded by the fact that I didn't find an internship, I feel like a bit of a failure standing at the onset of a new school year without having done much of anything to improve my career-type prospects. Sigh.

It was a long and hard summer, but I feel like I didn't do enough. This kind of time is such a gift that I'm convinced I've squandered, knowing how busy I'm about to come. And yet, in eight months it'll be like every week is a summer week because I won't have to work stupid hours to stay on top of things. The prospect of that kinda blows my mind.

But still. This summer wasn't a total write-off.

...right?
-Cril

Moby - Slow Light