TENNO!

I have a question: What's wrong with me?

For some reason I want to ask this to other people, in hopes that they'll have the insight I need.

Here's the thing, I buy video games twice a year: the summer and winter Steam sales. It's a way of making sure I don't overindulge on games and that I keep my spending in check. Usually I get one big game and a fistful of smaller indie releases, and it gets me through six months. Variety and all that stuff.

After chugging my way through Red Dead Redemption the other month and binging on some Stardew Valley, I've found myself looking for something to play. I cruised through some old favourites - Black Flag is two steps away from greatness, Zen Drift is fun but gets old after a half hour, and I've burnt myself out on Civilization 5. A couple races on Forza are nice, but I'm not as hooked as I used to be.

And now with the whole COVID-pocolypse, my self discipline seems to be withering away. No joke, I kept cruising through the Steam store, adding and reviewing and adding to my wishlist. Once a week. Twice a week. Every other day, cruising what's out there and adding games to my list that I ordinarily would never give a second glance. I needed something to play to unwind every now and then. So I figured, hey, I'll try Warframe! It's free, so that's not breaking the rules, right?

I installed it last Sunday. I've since played 32 hours. The real kicker? I don't even enjoy it that much.

The gameplay is spastic at best. The art direction is ugly and the story is barely there. The UI, while gorgeous, can't obscure the fact that the UX is horrid. I needed to look up beginner guides just to figure out what I should be doing beyond the game's introduction tutorial. And what's with the unwritten rule that says all free to play titles must have an economy that with a minimum of 27 currencies and resources? Yeesh.

But play it I must. Some dark corner in my brain is telling me THIS IS YOUR LIFE NOW. But why? What's wrong with me?

Is a crappy distraction better than no distraction? Is it all because I don't let myself buy games regularly? Or that I'm desperate to occupy my mind from the current circumstances? A couple years ago I told myself I wouldn't get in this cycle of playing (or replaying) games I don't enjoy. I'm at a point in my life where, god damnit, I can afford to buy something worth playing. Life's too short, and all that.

I don't even know any more. Yes, there are definitely more important things I should be doing. But I need to get back to jumping around like a crack rabbit and spamming my flame sword into whoever the bad guys are supposed to be. Obviously that's what's important here.
-Cril