Oh boy, what a way to start the weekend! Nothing like a major dentist appointment at 9AM sharp. It was an... Interesting experience. There I sat for more than an hour, as two rather attractive women stared oh-so-intently at my gaping mouth. I was semi-blinded by the overhead lamp while they proceeded to play with all sorts of power tools and gadgets that made funny noises. And there I sat, with a limp mouth, while all I could see were these terror instruments going into my mouth and coming back out looking not as pretty. Oh, and just to spice it up they threw in some cotton, gel stuff and UV rays that came from a device you could swear came from a 1950's sci-fi ray gun. Some highlights included:
-It was quite interesting when the put my mouth "to sleep". They put some gel stuff on my gums which numbed it a bit, and they went ahead and put a nasty looking needle in my gums while they injected some wondeful substance. It didn't really hurt, but inside I was freaking out because I had a large syringe sticking into my mouth. The sensation that followed was quite intriguing, though. It was really neat to sit while my mouth slowly froze and started to feel like... A frozen banana. Why a frozen banada? I couldn't tell you. Kinda cold, kinda stiff/hard, and yet a bit spongy.
-At one point they put yet another tool into my mouth and moke coming out. The lady apologized, saying it smelled bad. That's not what concerned me - there was smoke coming from my mouth. SMOKE FROM MY MOUTH.
-At one point they were temporarily placing little needles with plastic, multicoloured tips into my tooth. I couldn't feel it, but I sure heard it when the first one went TWANGGGG. I had to try so hard not to laugh. That's the last sound I expected to come from my mouth. Y'know like the smoke.
-I think those little needles were detectors of some kind, because shortly after they went in a machine on the table would beep. One beep, two beeps, high pitched beep, low pitched beep. She was playing music on my teeth! I felt like a human xylophone.
Had I actually been in pain, all of this might have qualified as some kind of torture scene from James Bond. But no, not only was my mouth frozen so I couldn't feel it but I paid for it. Yup, that's right. $474.00 to be exact. There are a million different things I'd rather blow $474 on, but no. Instead I spent a third of a month's wages so the dentist could tinker around in my mouth with various power tools while making smoke and electronic beep music.
Although, it really makes me wonder what it actually cost to have the whole thing done, especially if the staff get paid as much as I do. Okay, let's double the wage to $20/hr, for two people, for two hours - That's $80. Lets further assume that the half-swab cotton they used came from mythical unicorn creature that lives in rainbows and eats stars for breakfast. Another $100. And... We'll say that that they needed to sterilize the other tools they used - $50. That's $230, almost half of what I actually paid. Which means one of two things - Either dentists get paid really freakin' well (which is most likely) or 90% of the tools they used are disposable and need to be replaced. *Sigh* Almost $500 out the door for an hour and a half (ish) appointment. Screw graphic arts, maybe I need to be a dentist. So I can make teeth music, stick needles in gums, and make smoke come out of people's mouths.
-Cril
I had enough and you're going down
(Shut your mouth)
What comes around you know goes around
(Shut your mouth)
You're getting what your ego deserves
(Shut your mouth)
What comes around you know goes around
Pain - Shut Your Mouth
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