To be a Crystalline

Heh. It's almost midnight already. I tried to sit down at 5:30 ish to do some homework, and I started to drift off at my desk. I figured I'd lay down for a half hour, and then get back at it. Instead I went down for three hours. Now I'm going to pay for it.

So last week I didn't get to make a post, which kinda bugged me. It was a pretty nasty week, though - I had three projects come due within five or six days. One of which, a MAJOR project for a package design, really came down to the wire. I don't think I got to bed before 1AM that entire week. I've never really cut a project that close before, consistently staying up so late to get it done on time. I think there was some poor time management on my part along the way, for sure. I figured it wouldn't be a problem to spend one evening out for my cousin's birthday, and spend another evening chatting into the wee hours of the morning with someone. I'm such an idiot. No excuses, no excuses.

Yeah, 5-6 hours of sleep is still pretty decent, I guess. But I don't function that well on less than 7. I prefer 8, if I can get it. Feels like it's been a bit of a downward spiral over the last week as my sleep deficit builds up and weighs me down. One of my coworkers mentioned that I had "dead, lifeless eyes" when I went into the office this week. That's me - a dead, soul-less zombie, bound to walk the earth for the length of his temporary existence.

On a bit of a whim, I went to figure drawing on campus on Wednesday. I finished tutoring went to the top floor to sit down and sketch for a while. I really can't say when the last time was that I was overcome by such a completely encompassing wave of serenity. I mean, yeah, the drawings were garbage. But after parking on that stool, busting out a 2B and 6B and plugging in my consciousness to some music... I just drew. It was wonderful. There was nothing else. And I've never really done figure drawing outside of class assignments before, and that lack of pressure really helped me to loosen up and relax. It was marvelous. So serene. What a perfect way to unwind after a crappy week. Time permitting, I hope I can keep attending each week.

In other news, it was Remembrance Day yesterday. So as I do every year, I watched the sixth episode of Band of Brothers. It really hits a chord with me, and I feel such a tangible sense of dread and horror and sacrifice. And at this point in the semester, where I've been so focused on work and school, how I'm so narrowly fixated and so completely switched off... That one episode is like taking a sledgehammer to my brain. I so wasn't prepared for it.

I have so much homework to do. Well, homework not so much. But other odds and ends I want to accomplish. I don't know if I'll manage to get everything in. Alas, I am on the last... four or five weeks of the semester. The final push begins, and there's sooo much to get through. Lots of big projects to tackle. I wish I had more spare time to draw and play some music. But really, everyone wishes they had more spare time. Maybe, perhaps, someday, I'll get a handful of my own.
-Cril

How does it feel like
to make it happen here?
How does it feel like
to breathe with everything?
How does it feel like
to let forever be?
How does it feel like
to spend a little lifetime sitting in the gutter?

Scream a symphony

How does it feel like
to be a crystalline?
How does it feel like
to spend a little lifetime sitting in the gutter?

Scream a symphony

Chemical Brothers - Let Forever Be