Cover Letter

To whom it may concern,

Is it even necessary to pretend this will reach an actual person? Or this application immediately filed away and/or deleted for not meeting the invisible criteria set for screening prospective employees?

My name is Chris, and I’ve been a designer for 15 years. I’ve collected experience and skills being an art director, graphic designer, a 2D animator, and sometimes even an ad-hoc project manager. I can present to boardroom clients, plan marketing campaigns, work within budget constraints, develop a visual brand from scratch, and collaborate with a number of other professionals and positions to make sure I get the job done right.

What I can’t seem to do, though, is believe that I bring any value to the table. Have you seen my portfolio? It’s mostly student work to be honest, and I got out of school over five years ago. My other pieces are split between uninspired marketing junk and generic UX/UI stuff. So what have I been up to over the last few years? All I know is that I’ve been busy doing projects and issuing invoices, but somehow too busy to make something worth showing you, apparently.

Did I mention that I can also do copy writing? I’m really good at it too; I create a first draft of something, send it to my clients, and then they send me back some (totally different) text they actually want to use. I just make the fonts slightly less offensive and remove the ALL CAPS in the middle of SENTENCES used FOR EMPHASIS. It gives me the illusion that I can be an arbiter of taste and have some sort of standards. It’s a pretty good self-delusion that helps me cope with the fact that, at the end of the day, I’m just ayour average Photoshop monkey. Or InDesign. Or Illustrator. Or whatever Adobe Creative Cloud Primate you want me to be.

I get paid, though, which is nice. Not a whole lot, but enough to pay rent until I build up the minimum viable savings so I can retire at 70. This career stuff is fun, isn’t it?

My resume has Many Points why I’m awesome and all that stuff. Truth is that I’m fishing for an opportunity to not feel like shit about my work and abilities. Sometimes only getting a nibble on the line is worse than nothing at all. Maybe I’d be better off just standing alone on the shore in hip waders, early morning fog rising off the water, with a dumb grin on my face. There isn't even a lure or bait at the end of the line. Look ma, I’m a workin’ man! I paid all that money and did all that time, and someone taught me to fish!

Please visit my portfolio and read through my resume. I think I’d be an excellent fit for your team and would bring a lot of valuable experience and a wide skill set to your organization. I look forward to hearing back from you soon.

And don’t worry–I don’t know why you should hire me, either.