I am getting really freakin' sick and tired of my desperate need to be proven right and worth while. Why do I ask someone for their suggestion, just to turn around and fight them on it? I have this burning craving to challenge someone and to come out on top. Seriously, what the hell? There are 6.7 BILLION other people on the planet. Why am I so fixated on the concept that my point of view matters more than any of the others? It's such a futile effort to stand up and scream "I'M SIGNIFICANT!" when, well, I'm not.
I need to get it into my head to just shut up, suck it up and leave things be. There are a lot more people with opinions in this world, and who's to say that the way I perceive the universe is relevant? Besides, the sheer ratio of them to me makes it pretty clear that I'm not as special as my subconsciousness wants me to think.
I just get so wound up in the need to assert an opinion and have it validated that I can't step back and realize that am not the end-all or be-all of... Anything. And once I discover what I'm doing or if someone calls me on it, like today, I get introverted and introspective and don't want to be around anyone until I have it figured out and fixed.
But something tells me there ain't much fixin' that can be done for this flavour of problem. Maybe I'm just a selfish, self-absorbed guy, plain and simple. And the way I try and troubleshoot that is to be alone, so that there isn't anyone to be selfish to. I don't want it all to be about me, dammit. But for some reason I can't unhook my mind from this snag that what I think somehow takes precedence.
One more time, with feeling: "I am not special. I am not a beautiful or unique snowflake. I'm the same decaying organic matter as everything else."
-Cril
I wanted to explode
To pull my ribs apart
And let the sun inside
Red stain blossoms
Elbow - Ribcage
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