Got Me Gone

So... This is it. My last non-school weekend. Mind you, next weekend will be a long one with Labour Day and whatnot, but still. It'll be tainted by having gone to classes on the Thursday and Friday beforehand. Bah, bah I say!

After much deliberation, I actually managed to do something with myself this weekend. Well, I still worked Saturday morning, and today was full of odds-and-ends style shenanigans, but Saturday afternoon... I actually fled the city. A coworker lent me a Canon 30D along with far too many lenses that were far to expensive. The only other experience I've had a proper camera is within the confines at work, primarily for shooting product. Nothing too exotic. I don't think I've even taken the lens off of the thing at all, not to mention that 90% of shooting takes place within one mode at particular settings. So I will come right out and say that when it came time to shoot in the wild, I took a cheat cheat with me. And even then, it took a while for things to really click in before I felt like I knew that I could pretend to know what I was doing.

But, like I said, I was kinda on the fence about the whole thing. Less than a week until school starts, and there are still a million things I need to do. At work particularly. I know I've worked hard this summer, and kept my head down trying to get things done... But it feels like I've been fighting distraction after distraction the along way, and I wasn't as productive as I should've been. There's so much to do. And I could've gone home and organized my room and done my laundry, and give myself a haircut, and sketch... And truth be told, I was hesitant of going on any sort of trip, because I don't trust my car. I had that pit in my stomach that told me that going out of town to cruise some of the less traveled roads was a completely stupid thing to do.

But I did it. I finished that last email I had to said, borrowed a tripod from the office, and got in the car. Set the tunes, and off I went. Where, exactly? East. I picked a semi-major road, and I followed it until it turned into a dirt trail with a generic, numerical name. Then I followed it some more, turned around, and went back to the last road that was also paved, and followed that North for a while. Then I found another road leading East again, and turned off. And I went and I went, and at some point I turned South onto a small dirt road. There was a sign warning of a chicane, and I knew I'd found something special. And I followed it until it turned into more of a dirt trail, which was much more suited for vehicles that had a bit more clearance than my Integra. But I followed it for a while, carefully straddling the ruts and listening to the flowers and plants strike the underside of the car. And finally, once I was convinced that this was indeed no longer a legitimate road, I managed to turn around (and flatten the grass and weeds that would've constituted the shoulders of this path) to head back. And I stopped, and I got out.

And what followed was a rather interesting sensation. One of complete detachment.

My cellphone, of course, had long since lost reception anyways. But getting out and looking around, there was no civilization. There were artifacts of it, of course. Lots of barbed wire fences, and along with dirt roads and old shacks constitute the main staples of prairie farm land. There were bees and weeds and grass and fields of such plant life that a city bum like me could never identify. But I was more surprised at what wasn't there. There wasn't a distinct dour of car and building and people sweat. And the rhythmic tide of road traffic was very absent. Those two things were like a slap in the face. For once I couldn't hear or smell the city. And there were artifacts of other people, like the fence posts or the ruts my car were carefully straddling, but no highway or road to watch the cars march by like a trail of ants. It was just me, squished in between two fields that used a seldom trod pathway as a poor excuse for a border. It was entirely liberating feeling of peace. Total separation from the machine of society. Such an entirely foreign sensation, that I just happened to stumble upon while traveling a well-forgotten trail to the middle of nowhere. I can't even say with a certainty that I've felt it before.

And just like some kind of crappy movie, I spotted a jet flying overhead and knew it was time to head back. And I indeed made it back just fine - it seems that, this time, my automotive fears were not necessary. Way out there, though, I would've been royally screwed if I got stuck. But I didn't. And driving with my music on and windows down while I chased the horizon was a lot of fun. I really can't get that kind of enjoyment out of video games or movies or reading. It's the kind of thing that, if I would do it more often, would probably make me a semi-balanced and happy individual. I love driving. I really, really do.

It took me all evening to sort through and prep the photos I took. I'd been shooting over the course of the entire trip, stopping here and there to snap some photos. I swear, those farm roads have spots made for photographers - small paved patches at the side of the road, big enough for two cars to comfortable park on. They're probably meant for farm equipment or field access or something remotely practical, but I found my own use for them. Overall, I had a fun time. The equipment was incredibly intimidating. Heck, I only had the courage to break out the monster wildlife/action lens once. That thing was massive. Having direct control of things like shutter and focus (I'm not quite sure if I have decent command of aperture yet) was wonderful. It reminds me of the first time I tried drawing with a tablet, compared to a mouse. How did I live without it? It changes everything.

Well, everything except my talent, that is. I had a good time, but the whole batch of photos left me underwhelmed. After all was said and done, there was nothing really noteworthy or inspiring in there. Maybe it was composition, or maybe I just need to be more proficient with the equipment. Or maybe I just plain ol' suck at photography. But considering this was just my first kick at the can with a DSLR, I don't think I should've expected anything more. I definitely want to get my own with a set of decent lenses. I'm hooked. Alas, such a notion must be tempered. These things do not come cheap, and there are more important things to be focused on.

So this is pretty much it for another summer, I guess. I feel like I was cheated out of a real summer somehow, but I have no one to blame but myself. That trip yesterday did more to recharge me than the last three or four months combined, but I still find myself a bit lacking. Seems like last summer was more enjoyable. I managed to sketch, game, and generally slack off more. In an impressive display of a total lack of self-discipline, I purchased Deus Ex Revolution last week, thinking I could play through most of it by the time I had to go back. But the time to do so hasn't presented itself, and it looks like I probably won't get to play it much, if at all, before I go back to studenting. I guess I had a few side projects on the go this summer, but... I don't know. As a whole it was a pretty unsatisfying break from school. So back to the grind with me then. Even though I'm not quite so sure I totally left the grind to begin with. But at least I found a hiding spot from it on an old and forgotten, completely unremarkable dirt road.
-Cril

You know I've heard about people like me,
But I never made the connection.
They walk one road to set them free
And find they've gone the wrong direction.

But there's no need for turning back
'Cause all roads lead to where I stand.
And I believe I’ll walk them all
No matter what I may have planned.

Don McLean - Crossroads