Violent Null

It's been an interesting weekend. Friday night I had one of my last classes and my last study group for the semester. Afterwards, I went back to the studio, and there were the same people there from a few nights prior. We went out and got some food before going back and settling in to do some serious homeworking for several hours. And as 10pm rolled around, we paused for a bit to play some music. A friend on the guitar, and me on the uke. We just sat there and jammed, noodling around and playing off of eachother. We blinked and it was a half-hour later. Just like that. It was amazing - for a little while, we were transported far far away from our school and assignments, far from the swirling snow outside the window, far from everywhere that our physical bodies were present. It was an incredible feeling to be so intertwined with music for a little time. Who'da thunk that some pieces of wood and nylon strings could have such potential.

I'm sure that from the outside, the music was terrible. But it wasn't meant for the outside, it was meant for us while we were in that late-night studio. It was a good feeling. A complete feeling. All-encompassing, even.

Saturday I went to class, and afterwards I did some running-around before landing back at the studio. There were some random first year students in there with me, which I found far too discomforting. Alas, I remained and working until 11 something or other, and I finally couldn't stand sitting there any more, so I packed up my things and ran away. I got in my car, and followed a highway until it turned into a road, and then until it was scarecely a road at all. I followed it out of town a ways, and then I pulled over and got out.

Looking back, there was an orange glow of the city hanging low in the cloudy sky. In the other direction, though, was Black. Nothing. There was not a streetlamp or hint of moonlight or other passing cars to illuminate the road before me. I could make out a faint horizon. But there wasn't a sound aside from the wind in the grass, a wind coming from where I was facing. But there was snow coming down - again, though, I was standing in such a lack of light that I couldn't see them come down. I could just feel them against my face. And as I stood there, I had the undeniable impression that I was staring into the total void of a storm waltzing towards me. I want to say that it was a profound moment. I don't know what it meant, or why it was so noteworthy. It just felt like I was standing on the edge of Nothing and looking it straight in the eye. And whatever it was, it was making its way toward me.

I strolled up the middle of the "road" a little ways, further into the stormy emptiness. I turned back, and saw the city's sickly-orange glimmer littering a far-away sky. I could just make out the smooth edges of my car, faintly illuminated by this Otherworldly glow. I don't know why, but that part made me smile. It's nice to have a vessel that will spirit me away from life when I'm about ready split. And in this case, it spirited me away to this brink of a furious void that I couldn't see, but could feel it's approaching presence. I was standing in its place of potential; where it was about to be. It's a weird feeling to look into the dark and not see, but to know that something's coming.

Then I turned my back on it, sauntered back to the car, washed ashore at my house, slept.
-Cril

Papers in the roadside
Tell of suffering and greed
Fear today, forgot tomorrow
Here besides the news
Of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk

And I don't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Saybia - Ordinary World