I don't know what exactly happened over the last week, but I've just kinda lost all of my drive. I don't have much enthusiasm for my current projects, and I'm having a really tough time sitting down and putting together enough concentration to actually get work done. Even in the initial process phase I can't quite get excited with anything I want to do. I was hoping that this wonderful collapse would at least happen after the semester finished, but that's not the case. So what now? The same as always. Get 'er done. Throw some crap together, keep banging my head against the wall, and hope that the sticky, splattered results will at least get me a pass. Lots of work and lots of concentration riding on a total lack of drive. It's a tricky gamble. But what else is there to do, really?
I tried to relax a bit today and not push myself so much. Hopefully it'll help. But I won't lie, it's been hard. I feel like I've thrown away a weekend, when there's a lot of stuff I should be doing. I guess that's just how it goes when I've been at it so long.
Looking at it, and after having talked to a friend and receiving the digital equivalent of a smack upside the head, I'm really gettin' tired of my crappy attitude. It's the same thing all the time. "I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm busy, etc etc." It's gettin' old and trite. And there's more to life than that, really. But it's tough when I'm so focused and submerged in this one mode of living for so long. And I want out, but that time isn't quite yet, unfortunately.
I really, really want to be done. For the semester, sure, but I really want to be done with school, period. Here's hopin' I can collect enough wind over the summer that I can have something at my back to push me through fourth year. And then... Life.
-Cril
With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
If there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself
Where is my mind?
Yoav feat Emily Browning - Where is My Mind?
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